One Sunny Night-Chapter 5
Photos while resisting romance11 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
This chapter shows two interesting contrasts, Stewart is evidently still married to his absent wife, Danielle is re evaluating her Kansas boyfriend, while both are attracted to each other. In my dim past I have seen similar situations, some worked out, some crashed.
From living in the Sierras in California, I saw people buy a house in the summer months, then struggle through the cols, the snow and icy roads and then their house was for sale after just one winter. Conditions in Alaska are many times worse with the long darkness and the months of daylight in summer, I can see many people lasting only one winter like Stewart's wife.
Liked this chapter, waiting to see what happens next!
irish
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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This chapter shows two interesting contrasts, Stewart is evidently still married to his absent wife, Danielle is re evaluating her Kansas boyfriend, while both are attracted to each other. In my dim past I have seen similar situations, some worked out, some crashed.
From living in the Sierras in California, I saw people buy a house in the summer months, then struggle through the cols, the snow and icy roads and then their house was for sale after just one winter. Conditions in Alaska are many times worse with the long darkness and the months of daylight in summer, I can see many people lasting only one winter like Stewart's wife.
Liked this chapter, waiting to see what happens next!
irish
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Many thanks for the high rating. I'm now trying to come up with a believable finish. I appreciate your comments so much.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Since I'm just coming into this at Chapter 5, I will need to go back to get a better sense of the background, but I like the location. Your descriptions of the Alaska scenery give us a good sense of what it's like there. I get a good sense of what your characters look like, but not so much a sense of their personalities, which could be developed more with dialogue.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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Since I'm just coming into this at Chapter 5, I will need to go back to get a better sense of the background, but I like the location. Your descriptions of the Alaska scenery give us a good sense of what it's like there. I get a good sense of what your characters look like, but not so much a sense of their personalities, which could be developed more with dialogue.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2021
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I very much appreciate your comment. Must agree that more dialogue would let us know their feelings more. Thanks for reading this.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story and a really exciting place to write about. And, of course, romance works well. However, you need to have people say things, not just tell us they said something. I haven't read any of your previous chapters but you need to make Danielle seem older. I thought she was a child going somewhere with a man. She should seem attracted to the man, and talk more to him. Best of luck with this.
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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You have a good story and a really exciting place to write about. And, of course, romance works well. However, you need to have people say things, not just tell us they said something. I haven't read any of your previous chapters but you need to make Danielle seem older. I thought she was a child going somewhere with a man. She should seem attracted to the man, and talk more to him. Best of luck with this.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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I appreciate your suggestions. Of course, her age is exposed in the preceding chapters, but I will search a way to improve this chapter about that. Thanks.
Comment from Mastery
Hi dear friend. I have enjoyed reading this post. However, I do have a couple of suggestions if you don't mind. Both concern the beginning "hooks" as well as ending ones, Marie.
A hook is a line or two the writer uses in the fist few lines of the book or chapter to get the attention of the reader. In your case here, I might suggest this for instance for an opener:
" It was a mistake to expect a New York City gal to live through dark winter months of Alaska. Both Danielle and Stewart were better off according to ........" (Then use backstory or whatever and build the rest of your chapter around this "grabber"
Your closer should also "grab" the reader and make he or she want to get on to the next chapter. For instance you might say: ""You are so beautiful," he whispered as she welcomed his hot lips on hers."
Good luck with thiss chapter. Bob
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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Hi dear friend. I have enjoyed reading this post. However, I do have a couple of suggestions if you don't mind. Both concern the beginning "hooks" as well as ending ones, Marie.
A hook is a line or two the writer uses in the fist few lines of the book or chapter to get the attention of the reader. In your case here, I might suggest this for instance for an opener:
" It was a mistake to expect a New York City gal to live through dark winter months of Alaska. Both Danielle and Stewart were better off according to ........" (Then use backstory or whatever and build the rest of your chapter around this "grabber"
Your closer should also "grab" the reader and make he or she want to get on to the next chapter. For instance you might say: ""You are so beautiful," he whispered as she welcomed his hot lips on hers."
Good luck with thiss chapter. Bob
Comment Written 24-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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Bob, I appreciate your comments. I plan to think it over and give the opener and finish much thought. Thanks so much.
Comment from Lyn Peters
Your work does double duty...it provides interesting characters to engage with, and provides your readers a wealth of detail about the Alaskan landscape. Thank you for this glimpse into that vast and wild place so many of us will likely visit only in our imaginations (and through work like yours). Best regards.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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Your work does double duty...it provides interesting characters to engage with, and provides your readers a wealth of detail about the Alaskan landscape. Thank you for this glimpse into that vast and wild place so many of us will likely visit only in our imaginations (and through work like yours). Best regards.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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Thanks so much for your comments.
Comment from forestport12
This is something different for you Marie. As I recall you wrote historical and young adult. I think this has merit and your writing is so fluid and just rolls off the pages. I'm a bit jealous that your technical skills are also easy to see. I can't imagine anything wrong. So far as the characters and setting it fits with your knowledge and background.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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This is something different for you Marie. As I recall you wrote historical and young adult. I think this has merit and your writing is so fluid and just rolls off the pages. I'm a bit jealous that your technical skills are also easy to see. I can't imagine anything wrong. So far as the characters and setting it fits with your knowledge and background.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2021
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You compliments are very much appreciated. Thanks so much!
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear AlaskaStar, there is nothing like a great big angry mama bear to push a fragile woman into the arms of a man. Your story is progressing very nicely, I just hope all of Danielle complicated emotions do not keep her from making false assumptions, and accepting that Stewart is attracted to her too!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Dear AlaskaStar, there is nothing like a great big angry mama bear to push a fragile woman into the arms of a man. Your story is progressing very nicely, I just hope all of Danielle complicated emotions do not keep her from making false assumptions, and accepting that Stewart is attracted to her too!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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I appreciate your comments, especially with about her complicated emotions. Hope I can come up with all that. I'm not sure how. Thanks for reading this.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Aha, the knight in shinny armor to the rescue, and of course the girl falls for him. Curious to see how this is going to evolve. Saved by the bell, oh wait by the bear:)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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Aha, the knight in shinny armor to the rescue, and of course the girl falls for him. Curious to see how this is going to evolve. Saved by the bell, oh wait by the bear:)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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I appreciate your comments. Seeing how it evolves is my challenge. Thanks for reading this.
Comment from Sugarray77
You have done a great job writing this excerpt of your story. You kept the flow beautifully in the beginning and then ramped it up with tension, drama and romance. The lovely descriptions and use of geographic sites kept it real. Well done.
Melissa
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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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You have done a great job writing this excerpt of your story. You kept the flow beautifully in the beginning and then ramped it up with tension, drama and romance. The lovely descriptions and use of geographic sites kept it real. Well done.
Melissa
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2021
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I appreciate your comments. Thanks so much for reading this.
Comment from MissMerri
Well, I'm so delighted to see you posting more of this nerve-tingling story. I think your ability to make characters come alive and their adventures feel so real to a reader, definitely deserve six stars. I see a couple of typos, which makes me think Jeep isn't proof-reading these chapters for you. We rarely can catch our own flubs, so I'll be happy to be your proof reader. I love reading this. It is fascinating. MM
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Well, I'm so delighted to see you posting more of this nerve-tingling story. I think your ability to make characters come alive and their adventures feel so real to a reader, definitely deserve six stars. I see a couple of typos, which makes me think Jeep isn't proof-reading these chapters for you. We rarely can catch our own flubs, so I'll be happy to be your proof reader. I love reading this. It is fascinating. MM
Comment Written 22-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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So glad you read this chapter. I just fixed (wondered) to (wandered) and also replaced a couple other words that someone pointed out. It is such a huge help to have some really good writers take a look and let me know. Thanks a million for looking at this! Love you!
