A new life
Greg and his shadow9 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant twist! This may be a winner.
Greg soon realized that he would die if he DID not do something
She knew IT would not be easy to take over his life but was sure that she WOULD manage
Spoked=>SPOOKED, he thought TO himself, soon I will be the ghost.
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Brilliant twist! This may be a winner.
Greg soon realized that he would die if he DID not do something
She knew IT would not be easy to take over his life but was sure that she WOULD manage
Spoked=>SPOOKED, he thought TO himself, soon I will be the ghost.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
Good piece. I'd be careful with over-writing a little, this would be better with language as sparse as possible. Also- and this might make you laugh- motherfucker reads better as a single word. Haha!
Anyway, thanks for sharing, good luck.
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Good piece. I'd be careful with over-writing a little, this would be better with language as sparse as possible. Also- and this might make you laugh- motherfucker reads better as a single word. Haha!
Anyway, thanks for sharing, good luck.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Well, your piece has the shock factor going in spades. I loved the part when it turned out to be his character haunting him. How clever!
But I thought the ending was just a sad, frustrating, in-your-face ... nothing. It would have been so cool if she had just picked up a pen and written herself right back into a story and begun again. Something to consider.
Other:
1.) She knew (it) would not be easy to take over his life but was sure that she (could) manage (since) she('d gleaned) so much knowledge from his books.
2.) Spo(o)ked, he thought of himself, soon I will be the ghost.
--> you can delete - 'of himself'
Thanks!
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Well, your piece has the shock factor going in spades. I loved the part when it turned out to be his character haunting him. How clever!
But I thought the ending was just a sad, frustrating, in-your-face ... nothing. It would have been so cool if she had just picked up a pen and written herself right back into a story and begun again. Something to consider.
Other:
1.) She knew (it) would not be easy to take over his life but was sure that she (could) manage (since) she('d gleaned) so much knowledge from his books.
2.) Spo(o)ked, he thought of himself, soon I will be the ghost.
--> you can delete - 'of himself'
Thanks!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This is an interesting story. This is the ghost? This is the right question to ask in the end. It is a surprise to find out Greg might become the ghost.
Good twist. God writing.
Thank you for sharing and good luck to your contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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This is an interesting story. This is the ghost? This is the right question to ask in the end. It is a surprise to find out Greg might become the ghost.
Good twist. God writing.
Thank you for sharing and good luck to your contest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you
Comment from Jeff Watkins
Your punctuation is a shit storm. The story imaginatively expresses the sometime relationship between the writer and his writings. In fact, I am currently looking for the exit from a ten plus year old project. But exit to do what? In truth, the stories are parts of ourselves that we want to move beyond. The solution is to develop two or more writings at a time so that if one is dropped writers have the security provided by another project. Good advice, but I'm not following it. Jeff
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Your punctuation is a shit storm. The story imaginatively expresses the sometime relationship between the writer and his writings. In fact, I am currently looking for the exit from a ten plus year old project. But exit to do what? In truth, the stories are parts of ourselves that we want to move beyond. The solution is to develop two or more writings at a time so that if one is dropped writers have the security provided by another project. Good advice, but I'm not following it. Jeff
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Thanks Jeff:)
Comment from lancellot
This is interesting. A character come to ghost but not life and then somehow take the author's life and then turn him into an undead , dead ghost. I think. Well, it certainly is unique and that alone will garner a lot of attention.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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This is interesting. A character come to ghost but not life and then somehow take the author's life and then turn him into an undead , dead ghost. I think. Well, it certainly is unique and that alone will garner a lot of attention.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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I must admit I am not very original, Steven King have done a better job in his novel the The Dark Half. If you have not read it, I highly recommended it:)
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is a great ghost story - and a lovely length. Nice twist at the end.
Although it seems as if it starts out in a movie theatre and then ends in a room somewhere. It looks like you might have finished in a hurry since the ending is full of typos:
In the meantime Greg was sitting in the corner of the room watching as his live [should be life] was errased, [erased] breath by breath. Spoke [???], he thought to himslef, [himself] soon I will be the ghost.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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This is a great ghost story - and a lovely length. Nice twist at the end.
Although it seems as if it starts out in a movie theatre and then ends in a room somewhere. It looks like you might have finished in a hurry since the ending is full of typos:
In the meantime Greg was sitting in the corner of the room watching as his live [should be life] was errased, [erased] breath by breath. Spoke [???], he thought to himslef, [himself] soon I will be the ghost.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for the correction I was in a hurry indeed:)
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is an interesting little ghost story, in which one of the characters actually comes to life, and not in a good way. I noticed that the word "errased" in the fourth line from the bottom should be spelled with only one "R."
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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This is an interesting little ghost story, in which one of the characters actually comes to life, and not in a good way. I noticed that the word "errased" in the fourth line from the bottom should be spelled with only one "R."
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Thank you, I corrected it:)
Comment from Brian Howell
It's a very interesting idea. The concept of a being from a book haunting the author is welcoming. However, there are a few things that leave me disconnected to the story. Like what is this power? Is it a ghost? Or a demon to be able to possess the body of the author? I feel a little bit more of a background could help you really bring the story to life. Again, love the idea. Just stretch a little more!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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It's a very interesting idea. The concept of a being from a book haunting the author is welcoming. However, there are a few things that leave me disconnected to the story. Like what is this power? Is it a ghost? Or a demon to be able to possess the body of the author? I feel a little bit more of a background could help you really bring the story to life. Again, love the idea. Just stretch a little more!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Thank you, I will :)
