Mona Lisa
A Ghost boy looking for his mom.9 total reviews
Comment from Lyn Peters
Interesting take on the writing prompt. I would have liked a few more details...how did the little boy come to haunt the Louvre and, of all the paintings he might have chosen, why did he select the Mona Lisa? Wishing you the best with your contest entry. Happy writing.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
  |
Interesting take on the writing prompt. I would have liked a few more details...how did the little boy come to haunt the Louvre and, of all the paintings he might have chosen, why did he select the Mona Lisa? Wishing you the best with your contest entry. Happy writing.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
He was missing from his mom and trapped in the Louvre. No one knew he was there, until he was found dead. It was during the time when his mother had been picked to be dray as the Mona Lisa. How her son stayed in the Louvre is mysterious to the public 'til this day. Thanks! I hope it wins One other thing he snuck in to the museum.
-
Thank you so much!!! I'm going back to re-read this piece. Best of luck.
-
You're welcome!
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This is a cute little story about a long-lost ghost looking for someone to love and care for him. I guess we all knew there was really a loving soul behind that cryptic smile, right?
This is a sweet entry. Thanks!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
Dear Mystery Writer,
This is a cute little story about a long-lost ghost looking for someone to love and care for him. I guess we all knew there was really a loving soul behind that cryptic smile, right?
This is a sweet entry. Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Thank you!
Comment from Earl Corp
I'm not sure what your word count is, but Kudos in getting a complete story done in so few words. Good luck in the contest. Stay safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
I'm not sure what your word count is, but Kudos in getting a complete story done in so few words. Good luck in the contest. Stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Thanks!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your ghost story contest entry. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it, Mystery Author. Your story is interesting. I'm happy the little boy ghost found his mother. I could see everything as I red this. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest--
In the Louvre Museum located in Paris, France(,) a little boy ghost kept walking around inside. He always asked for his mom. At four in the morning, it was closed. He keeps(kept) shouting through the echoes on the entire hallway that looms(loomed) all over ( the room).
The ghost boy(,) Oliver(,) kept looking at each paintings(,) and (saw) no signs of her (anywhere) around. He cried over, and over constantly. Walking all through the hallway was getting on his nerves. No sound of any kind (was heard--only complete silence)). He hears complete silence. He saw the painting of the Mona Lisa and felt happy.
Could it be his nother? (mother)
"Mom?" Oliver shouts(shouted) at Mona Lisa.
"Hello, my love," Mona Lisa replied.
"I need you!" he shouted.
"I know. Come over here(,) (Sweetie,) sweetie," she insisted.
Oliver sees(saw) the light of Heaven(,) and walked towards it. Mona Lisa laid a hand to him. They both walked to the Heavens.(Heavens to live with God and Jesus Christ.) They went to live with God and Jesus Christ.
Next week(The following week,) tourists came to the Louvre museum to see the paintings. The woman in the Mona Lisa painting isn't (wasn't) there anymore. It looks as if she vanished, but the art was still intact. They were all puzzled. What has happened? Did Mona Lisa Disappear?
I know this is your choice.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
|
You did a good job with your ghost story contest entry. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it, Mystery Author. Your story is interesting. I'm happy the little boy ghost found his mother. I could see everything as I red this. Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest--
In the Louvre Museum located in Paris, France(,) a little boy ghost kept walking around inside. He always asked for his mom. At four in the morning, it was closed. He keeps(kept) shouting through the echoes on the entire hallway that looms(loomed) all over ( the room).
The ghost boy(,) Oliver(,) kept looking at each paintings(,) and (saw) no signs of her (anywhere) around. He cried over, and over constantly. Walking all through the hallway was getting on his nerves. No sound of any kind (was heard--only complete silence)). He hears complete silence. He saw the painting of the Mona Lisa and felt happy.
Could it be his nother? (mother)
"Mom?" Oliver shouts(shouted) at Mona Lisa.
"Hello, my love," Mona Lisa replied.
"I need you!" he shouted.
"I know. Come over here(,) (Sweetie,) sweetie," she insisted.
Oliver sees(saw) the light of Heaven(,) and walked towards it. Mona Lisa laid a hand to him. They both walked to the Heavens.(Heavens to live with God and Jesus Christ.) They went to live with God and Jesus Christ.
Next week(The following week,) tourists came to the Louvre museum to see the paintings. The woman in the Mona Lisa painting isn't (wasn't) there anymore. It looks as if she vanished, but the art was still intact. They were all puzzled. What has happened? Did Mona Lisa Disappear?
I know this is your choice.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
-
Thank you! Thanks for the help! Now it makes more sense. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story here but you need a few facts to make it seem more real, even if it is a ghost story. The Louvre is a massive palace with maybe a hundred rooms. Your boy could wander a lot more to find his mom. (I never saw all of it in 2 days of wandering around). There are mummies and paintings of many women so he has a lot to look through. But Mona is the perfect choice with her little smile. Good luck with this.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
 |
You have a good story here but you need a few facts to make it seem more real, even if it is a ghost story. The Louvre is a massive palace with maybe a hundred rooms. Your boy could wander a lot more to find his mom. (I never saw all of it in 2 days of wandering around). There are mummies and paintings of many women so he has a lot to look through. But Mona is the perfect choice with her little smile. Good luck with this.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
-
Thank you!
Comment from padumachitta
hello
this is a good premise for a story, good luck in the contest, this should do well.
It would be nice to see it a bit longer, I think you could have fun with this.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
|
hello
this is a good premise for a story, good luck in the contest, this should do well.
It would be nice to see it a bit longer, I think you could have fun with this.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
-
Thank you!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting premise for this competition story. You've got a good idea there.
One important thing you need to keep in mind is the verb tense. Sometimes you are in present and then switch to past and back and forth.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
|
This is an interesting premise for this competition story. You've got a good idea there.
One important thing you need to keep in mind is the verb tense. Sometimes you are in present and then switch to past and back and forth.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
-
Thank you!
Comment from Paula Willingham
I didn't understand. There was very little Ghost and very little story. Was Mona Lisa his mother. Why was he wondering the halls? Were they torn apart by some tragedy. There could be a good story there, this just wasn't it.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
|
I didn't understand. There was very little Ghost and very little story. Was Mona Lisa his mother. Why was he wondering the halls? Were they torn apart by some tragedy. There could be a good story there, this just wasn't it.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
-
Thanks!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This is a very unusual story, a painting trapping a ghost that leads to salvation another ghost: "Oliver sees the light of Heaven and walked towards it. Mona Lisa laid a hand to him. They both walked to the Heavens. They went to live with God and Jesus Christ."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
|
This is a very unusual story, a painting trapping a ghost that leads to salvation another ghost: "Oliver sees the light of Heaven and walked towards it. Mona Lisa laid a hand to him. They both walked to the Heavens. They went to live with God and Jesus Christ."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
-
Thank you!
