A Leap in Belief
Help may come from an unexpected source49 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
"A Leap in Belief"
This was well written deep and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while, Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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"A Leap in Belief"
This was well written deep and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also read well and Flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while, Descriptive Measures Aligned most Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thanks, Ricky. Nice bike!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this. The reader would hope that there are always people we cannot see who would reach out to help young people, even from beyond the grave. There were a few little punctuation fixes I would suggest: Yes, it would be easy now. Just close your eyes, lean forward, and float downwards into a dream of forever peace, leaving this horrible existence behind.
I would italicize this. It seems like this section is sort of like internal dialogue.
Getaway! I think you mean Get away! It definitely needs a space between Get and away, even if she said it quickly.
I need to die--escape from what they say I am?"
I think you want an exclamation mark instead of a question mark after the word 'am' there.
"No, I can't go on," Mindy cried. "If Joey couldn't, how can I?" I am a loser. I hear it every day of my life." Loser, loser! Mindy was sobbing uncontrollably now. I think you want Loser, loser! inside the quotation marks after the word 'life' in that section.
"Mindy, if Joey could be here now, he would tell you to stop saying that. You know its not true, its taken over your soul, and these others just reinforce it.
change its to it's in both instances
Can you see that? Also, think of your mom and dad. Your death will destroy them on a level far longer than your suffering now. Don't leave them with that awful grief. Trust me, give them that chance, and they will make up for their mistakes." (Get rid of quotation mark after mistakes) But you must tell them."
You can get stronger, put all those bad thoughts in a box
Put quotation marks in front of You
There might have been another one, but someone else may have caught it. Thanks for posting!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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I liked reading this. The reader would hope that there are always people we cannot see who would reach out to help young people, even from beyond the grave. There were a few little punctuation fixes I would suggest: Yes, it would be easy now. Just close your eyes, lean forward, and float downwards into a dream of forever peace, leaving this horrible existence behind.
I would italicize this. It seems like this section is sort of like internal dialogue.
Getaway! I think you mean Get away! It definitely needs a space between Get and away, even if she said it quickly.
I need to die--escape from what they say I am?"
I think you want an exclamation mark instead of a question mark after the word 'am' there.
"No, I can't go on," Mindy cried. "If Joey couldn't, how can I?" I am a loser. I hear it every day of my life." Loser, loser! Mindy was sobbing uncontrollably now. I think you want Loser, loser! inside the quotation marks after the word 'life' in that section.
"Mindy, if Joey could be here now, he would tell you to stop saying that. You know its not true, its taken over your soul, and these others just reinforce it.
change its to it's in both instances
Can you see that? Also, think of your mom and dad. Your death will destroy them on a level far longer than your suffering now. Don't leave them with that awful grief. Trust me, give them that chance, and they will make up for their mistakes." (Get rid of quotation mark after mistakes) But you must tell them."
You can get stronger, put all those bad thoughts in a box
Put quotation marks in front of You
There might have been another one, but someone else may have caught it. Thanks for posting!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thanks, Christie, you work fast! Many thanks
Comment from Ulla
It was a very long story, but I can understand why it won the competition. I really liked it. It's well written, and I didn't see anything to correct. All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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It was a very long story, but I can understand why it won the competition. I really liked it. It's well written, and I didn't see anything to correct. All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thanks, Ulla, much appreciated.
Comment from Denizen Kane
Your story speaks to all the Mindys and Joeys of the world. It is well written and captures the incredible pain found in a belief that life isn't worth living - but it is, if one can only get past that moment of pain. Thank you for writing on this subject -- and the happy ending for both Mindy and Gerald.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Your story speaks to all the Mindys and Joeys of the world. It is well written and captures the incredible pain found in a belief that life isn't worth living - but it is, if one can only get past that moment of pain. Thank you for writing on this subject -- and the happy ending for both Mindy and Gerald.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Thank you, much appreciated
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story that had me on the edge of my chair as I was reading it. You used great descriptive words and the interaction with each character was great. I love the way it ends. This way you could write more and include Gerald and Joey in it. Thanks for sharing. Blessings, teri
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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This is a very well written story that had me on the edge of my chair as I was reading it. You used great descriptive words and the interaction with each character was great. I love the way it ends. This way you could write more and include Gerald and Joey in it. Thanks for sharing. Blessings, teri
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Well thank you Teri7. That's a good thought, will have to think about that. I'm planning on writing a book, It may work out in that format. Brad
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I hope you keep posting work on here. I enjoyed reading that very much! Blessings, teri
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an admirable short story. You have used dialogue well to move things along. Excellent.
Potential SPAG?
her partners, somewhat pale face > her partner's somewhat pale face
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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This is an admirable short story. You have used dialogue well to move things along. Excellent.
Potential SPAG?
her partners, somewhat pale face > her partner's somewhat pale face
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thanks, got that typo.
Comment from Miranda Langston
wow. not gonna lie, i have goosebumps after reading this. it's easy to see why this won the contest and why it achieved all-time-best status. powerful story. great job
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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wow. not gonna lie, i have goosebumps after reading this. it's easy to see why this won the contest and why it achieved all-time-best status. powerful story. great job
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Miranda. Much appreciated.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
This is a well done story that deserves the recognition that it got. The dialogue is especially well done and realistic. It is a ghost story, for sure, but it is also a well done handling of the topic of suicide.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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This is a well done story that deserves the recognition that it got. The dialogue is especially well done and realistic. It is a ghost story, for sure, but it is also a well done handling of the topic of suicide.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Nancy. Much appreciated
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:-)
Comment from estory
I thought you did a super job with this little story. I loved the opening; you grabbed the reader's attention right away with the scene of the young woman preparing to jump. Then this mysterious ghost or angel of Gerald shows up and I thought the dialogue between them was realistic and fraught with emotion. The heartache of the young woman really comes through here, along with Gerald's almost desperate compassion. Then you ended it with this explanation between the two cops that makes the hair stand up on your back. An exceptional story. estory
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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I thought you did a super job with this little story. I loved the opening; you grabbed the reader's attention right away with the scene of the young woman preparing to jump. Then this mysterious ghost or angel of Gerald shows up and I thought the dialogue between them was realistic and fraught with emotion. The heartache of the young woman really comes through here, along with Gerald's almost desperate compassion. Then you ended it with this explanation between the two cops that makes the hair stand up on your back. An exceptional story. estory
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much estory. A review like this is very rewarding. I poured heart and soul into this little story, and you got it. Thank you again.
Comment from nomi338
This story just gave me goosebumps. Angelic interventions are possible, I believe they occur all the time. If there is something you are uniquely qualified to do, you may find yourself rescued from what might on the surface to be an impossible situation. I have been rescued from possible disasters on more than one occasion, that is why I am doing my best to do good with the chance that I have been given. This wonderful story is I believe, a prime example of that type of thing.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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This story just gave me goosebumps. Angelic interventions are possible, I believe they occur all the time. If there is something you are uniquely qualified to do, you may find yourself rescued from what might on the surface to be an impossible situation. I have been rescued from possible disasters on more than one occasion, that is why I am doing my best to do good with the chance that I have been given. This wonderful story is I believe, a prime example of that type of thing.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks nomi338. And thank you for the 6 stars. I've written 3 ghost stories now that are similar to The Leap. All about a ghost with a strong reason to come back. I want to believe in it. Its just too real.
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I personally believe that instead of ghostly interventions, I believe that the interventions that help and rescue are via angels..
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Gerald was certainly an angel.
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My point exactly. That girls had something to accomplish no doubt.
