Fun-tastic
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Ice cream"Humanity post doom
15 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
How are we going to get to a new planet? I have to go and have some cosmetic surgery done, there is no way I'm getting stuck in this body!! This is very imaginative, Iza, you've used an illness, and the vaccine to cure it, to make us immortal, it does make you wonder what the consequences are as no one has had it long enough to find out. Well done, this is great. :)) Sandra xxx
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How are we going to get to a new planet? I have to go and have some cosmetic surgery done, there is no way I'm getting stuck in this body!! This is very imaginative, Iza, you've used an illness, and the vaccine to cure it, to make us immortal, it does make you wonder what the consequences are as no one has had it long enough to find out. Well done, this is great. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
Cool concept, but I did find it a little bit confusing to be honest.
And I'm entirely unsure why the font colour is changed, that was kind of jarring for me. It doesn't need that at all.
Thanks for sharing your story. Good Luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Cool concept, but I did find it a little bit confusing to be honest.
And I'm entirely unsure why the font colour is changed, that was kind of jarring for me. It doesn't need that at all.
Thanks for sharing your story. Good Luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
Comment from dragonpoet
This is well written. I like that ice cream is a password to become normal again. This reminds me of the book '1984', which I just finished.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
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This is well written. I like that ice cream is a password to become normal again. This reminds me of the book '1984', which I just finished.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
Comment from Carlos' girl
This is scarey as hell, and hell is nonsense! His writing us brilliant and really gripping. Too good. Great job here. Congratulations! Stay well and eat your ice cream.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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This is scarey as hell, and hell is nonsense! His writing us brilliant and really gripping. Too good. Great job here. Congratulations! Stay well and eat your ice cream.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much and I am thinking to add this to a book, what do you say? Do you think will be interesting to start a new one on this theme?
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Absolutely. Its very relevant to the current " new normal" since covid. I think it has unlimited potential for development
Comment from Leann DS
Interesting and frightening! I like your idea and would like to find out what happens next! The Stories imagery was expressive and helped me to form a picture of the scene in my mind. Well done. Good luck to you in the contest. Hugs and blessings to you.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2021
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Interesting and frightening! I like your idea and would like to find out what happens next! The Stories imagery was expressive and helped me to form a picture of the scene in my mind. Well done. Good luck to you in the contest. Hugs and blessings to you.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2021
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Thank you, and intend to start a book with this subject:)
Comment from blondie560
Cool premise, no pun intended. All great in the future stories have the few who realize that they've been duped and now they have to find others to begin to return to what is real. I like ice cream so it was a great code word!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2021
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Cool premise, no pun intended. All great in the future stories have the few who realize that they've been duped and now they have to find others to begin to return to what is real. I like ice cream so it was a great code word!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2021
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Thank you
Comment from estory
I thought there was a great surreal quality to this, it was very dreamlike and mysterious, eerie in some ways, as we follow you wandering around searching for 'ice cream'. There is a great sense of humanity having lost its qualities in hints through this piece, but you have written it so abstractly that the mystery pervades it. Quite provacative. estory
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I thought there was a great surreal quality to this, it was very dreamlike and mysterious, eerie in some ways, as we follow you wandering around searching for 'ice cream'. There is a great sense of humanity having lost its qualities in hints through this piece, but you have written it so abstractly that the mystery pervades it. Quite provacative. estory
Comment Written 08-Feb-2021
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Iza,
This is a nice science-fiction story. My ice cream is safe in the frig., so I know I am ok. Lol
I like the way you define the boundaries of your world as you explain it in your writing.
I found two parts which may be errors: I have apples. We 'woke?' Up.
And in the second to the last paragraph: At 'noon,' not 'noun.'
This is a very good futuristic tale and I think you have a good chance in the contest.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Iza,
This is a nice science-fiction story. My ice cream is safe in the frig., so I know I am ok. Lol
I like the way you define the boundaries of your world as you explain it in your writing.
I found two parts which may be errors: I have apples. We 'woke?' Up.
And in the second to the last paragraph: At 'noon,' not 'noun.'
This is a very good futuristic tale and I think you have a good chance in the contest.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 08-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much Cindy for your encouraging review:) and I don't need ice cream it's minus 39 and with wind chill is minus 45:)
Comment from lyenochka
Somehow, I didn't get notified for this post. I also remember another poet about ice cream and the future. Too bad that instead of ice cream, they will have to eat apples instead. At least, they should cook the apples to make it easier to digest. Interesting futuristic world. I think it is possible.
Best wishes in the contest!
Suggested changes:
they were in their seventy (seventies)
We waked up a few months ago, (woke)
At noun just go out for a stroll (noon)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Somehow, I didn't get notified for this post. I also remember another poet about ice cream and the future. Too bad that instead of ice cream, they will have to eat apples instead. At least, they should cook the apples to make it easier to digest. Interesting futuristic world. I think it is possible.
Best wishes in the contest!
Suggested changes:
they were in their seventy (seventies)
We waked up a few months ago, (woke)
At noun just go out for a stroll (noon)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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I think you didn't get notified because is for a contest maybe:) And I have another story about this subject, so this is a continuation, after the contest I am starting a SF book:)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a good contest entry, Iza. I enjoyed reading it. [The cat image is so adorable]. Your story read well with good progression and good details as to setting and characters.
May I suggest ~
Wait, somebody already said that before. It's[ Is this ] this evolution? Ice-cream, that was the password. Disoriented, I looked [ look ] around. Everything is so perfect. Forever young, I think that was the pact with eternity.
For some of us(,) {it was . . ] was nice. We got frozen in time at the age of twenty. But the ones that took the cure when they were in their [ seventies ] seventy got the disadvantage of being stuck in that old phase needing help.
We don't feel hunger, and we are not angry. We are nothing. But now I am awake, and I am scared because I am alone, and [ delete I am ] I am hungry. I need ice-cream.
I run on [ onto ] the street. I remember I have to find a house... a house with the number twenty-three.
I am out on the street whispering: act normal. After ten minutes of looking at houses, I found it--number twenty-three with a big sign of ice-cream in the window. I knocked on the door, young women opened the door and gently pulls [ pulled ] me inside.
I have apples. We waked [ woke ] up a few months ago, and the only available food we found was the one that grows on the trees. We must sneak out at night to get them.
Apples. I remember green, red, yummy, and smelling [ smelled so nice. ] nice. May I have some?
For now, we are ten. We will need to start slow--step by step. We have to pretend for a while. So after you have your apple, you need to go home and wait for the night to fall. Then you come back here to eat and to learn how to be human again. Then before the day starts, you will go home and sleep. At noun [noon ] just go out for a stroll, because they call this socializing. I know they monitor us during the day, so you need to keep up with the old schedule.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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This is a good contest entry, Iza. I enjoyed reading it. [The cat image is so adorable]. Your story read well with good progression and good details as to setting and characters.
May I suggest ~
Wait, somebody already said that before. It's[ Is this ] this evolution? Ice-cream, that was the password. Disoriented, I looked [ look ] around. Everything is so perfect. Forever young, I think that was the pact with eternity.
For some of us(,) {it was . . ] was nice. We got frozen in time at the age of twenty. But the ones that took the cure when they were in their [ seventies ] seventy got the disadvantage of being stuck in that old phase needing help.
We don't feel hunger, and we are not angry. We are nothing. But now I am awake, and I am scared because I am alone, and [ delete I am ] I am hungry. I need ice-cream.
I run on [ onto ] the street. I remember I have to find a house... a house with the number twenty-three.
I am out on the street whispering: act normal. After ten minutes of looking at houses, I found it--number twenty-three with a big sign of ice-cream in the window. I knocked on the door, young women opened the door and gently pulls [ pulled ] me inside.
I have apples. We waked [ woke ] up a few months ago, and the only available food we found was the one that grows on the trees. We must sneak out at night to get them.
Apples. I remember green, red, yummy, and smelling [ smelled so nice. ] nice. May I have some?
For now, we are ten. We will need to start slow--step by step. We have to pretend for a while. So after you have your apple, you need to go home and wait for the night to fall. Then you come back here to eat and to learn how to be human again. Then before the day starts, you will go home and sleep. At noun [noon ] just go out for a stroll, because they call this socializing. I know they monitor us during the day, so you need to keep up with the old schedule.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much my dear friend for the grammar corrections and for your wonderful review:)
