A Blaze of Glory
No Coward's Heart is Mine8 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
You build the tension well right up to the time the firing squad pulls the trigger. The big reveal was nicely done. Nice summation of where the assumed dead men turned up after the war.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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You build the tension well right up to the time the firing squad pulls the trigger. The big reveal was nicely done. Nice summation of where the assumed dead men turned up after the war.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Thank you dear Friend, for your review and the five stars . I decided that as the commandant was really a"goodie," he should have a decent life after the insanity of war. I hope I don't tread on too many toes with that choice. Cass
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a very creative story of captivity, corruption, cruelty, bravery, rescue and retribution that seems to take place in Nazi Germany during World War II. You have imagined it well, almost as if you were there.
I found some grammatical and punctuation errors. I don't think I caught them all, but I probably found most of them. I hope you find it helpful:
...and the twenty-three would be escapees ...
-->
...and the twenty-three would-be escapees ...
...to the full extent of the law".
-->
...to the full extent of the law."
O'Connor, a tall, lanky Irishman, raised his hand." Colonel!" he called "What would the powers that be ...
-->
O'Connor, a tall, lanky Irishman, raised his hand. "Colonel!" he called, "What would the powers that be ...
His voice rose an octave as he shouted over the POW's angry response.
-->
His voice rose an octave as he shouted over the POWs' angry response.
"The second one? Oh yes the alternative.Unless your C.O. is surrendered ...
-->
"The second one? Oh yes the alternative. Unless your C.O. is surrendered ...
from this day on a prisoner will be shot "attempting to escape".
Every day until the men who made this last attempt have all been "taken care of".
-->
from this day on a prisoner will be shot 'attempting to escape.'
Every day until the men who made this last attempt have all been 'taken care of.'"
They would no more surrender Colonel Johnny to their filthy Secret Police than they'd ----.O'Connor's furious thoughts ...
-->
They would no more surrender Colonel Johnny to their filthy Secret Police than they'd
-- O'Connor's furious thoughts ...
Col Ficherdorpf's pale blue eyes ...
-->
Col. Ficherdorpf's pale blue eyes ...
" Curse that smart-alec Secret Police Major.
-->
"Curse that smart-alec Secret Police Major.
He envisaged the pump little pop-in-jay ...
-->
He envisaged the plump little pop-in-jay ...
Major Franz Dietrich, golden boy of the Hierarchy
-->
Major Franz Dietrich, golden boy of the Hierarchy.
." He was" thundered the commandant in a voice as silent as Otto's footsteps,"No more than an errand boy ...
-->
"He was," thundered the commandant in a voice as silent as Otto's footsteps, "No more than an errand boy ...
And by thunder, He wasn't going to sit tamely while ...
-->
And by thunder, he wasn't going to sit tamely by, while ...
He was allowed anything he asked for,so by lunch time ...
-->
He was allowed anything he asked for, so by lunch time ...
O"Connor was inclined to be emotional,
-->
O'Connor was inclined to be emotional,
...but the rest of the men treated Col Johnny ...
-->
...but the rest of the men treated Col. Johnny ...
They weren't there to second guess, The decision had already been made.
-->
They weren't there to second guess; the decision had already been made.
He understood the way things went in Wartime. Here today and gone tomorrow.
-->
He understood the way things went in wartime: here today, and gone tomorrow.
Then he realized the men he had served with were who was going to hear his words ...
-->
Then he realized who the men he had served with were, who were going to hear his words ...
It was nearly midnight as they walked out of Cellblock "D"and around the corner ...
-->
It was nearly midnight as they walked out of Cellblock D and around the corner ...
Col Johnny was humbled. Humbled but proud.
-->
Col Johnny was humbled; humbled but proud.
"It's time for me to go" he said clearly, "I won't keep you long._-----"
-->
"It's time for me to go," he said clearly, "I won't keep you long --"
"I knew it," he gasped " I knew you were one of them".
-->
"I knew it," he gasped " I knew you were one of them."
His voice choked and he died with five well-placed bullets in his body
.Colonel Martin Ficherdorpf looked across ...
-->
His voice choked and he died with five well-placed bullets in his body. Colonel Martin Ficherdorpf looked across ...
"He was a traitor, Ernst," he told the stunned man."Better ...
-->
"He was a traitor, Ernst," he told the stunned man. "Better ...
...say nothing about being here tonight..
-->
...say nothing about being here tonight.
So messy. and if they find the slightest thing out of order_----.Well, you know how they go on. don't you?"
-->
So messy, and if they find the slightest thing out of order -- well, you know how they go on, don't you?"
Dazed, Col.Porter heard the commandant's words ...
-->
Dazed, Col. Porter heard the commandant's words ...
You leave in" he glanced at his watch "One hour and thirty-five minutes."
-->
You leave in," he glanced at his watch, "One hour and thirty-five minutes."
...so no-one thought anything of the fact ...
-->
...so no one thought anything of the fact ...
.Colonel Porter gave the driver instructions ...
-->
Colonel Porter gave the driver instructions ...
"He'd go away ,"he promised, "and never be seen again".
-->
He'd go away, he promised, and never be seen again. [They're not his actual words, so no quotes.]
Johnny twisted the man in the noose and heard a slight "Snap" as the neck broke.
-->
Johnny twisted the man in the noose and heard a slight "snap" as his neck broke.
...when he was found working as a gardner ...
-->
...when he was found working as a gardener ...
...with his wife and three of his daughters.Two other daughters were married ...
-->
...with his wife and three of his daughters. Two other daughters were married ...
There was no hue and ,cry after Werner Schultz.
-->
There was no hue and cry, after Werner Schultz.
***
Your Colonel Johnny Porter showed tremendous courage under fire. I wondered what his last words would have been, but fortunately for him, he never got a chance to finish saying them.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
|
This is a very creative story of captivity, corruption, cruelty, bravery, rescue and retribution that seems to take place in Nazi Germany during World War II. You have imagined it well, almost as if you were there.
I found some grammatical and punctuation errors. I don't think I caught them all, but I probably found most of them. I hope you find it helpful:
...and the twenty-three would be escapees ...
-->
...and the twenty-three would-be escapees ...
...to the full extent of the law".
-->
...to the full extent of the law."
O'Connor, a tall, lanky Irishman, raised his hand." Colonel!" he called "What would the powers that be ...
-->
O'Connor, a tall, lanky Irishman, raised his hand. "Colonel!" he called, "What would the powers that be ...
His voice rose an octave as he shouted over the POW's angry response.
-->
His voice rose an octave as he shouted over the POWs' angry response.
"The second one? Oh yes the alternative.Unless your C.O. is surrendered ...
-->
"The second one? Oh yes the alternative. Unless your C.O. is surrendered ...
from this day on a prisoner will be shot "attempting to escape".
Every day until the men who made this last attempt have all been "taken care of".
-->
from this day on a prisoner will be shot 'attempting to escape.'
Every day until the men who made this last attempt have all been 'taken care of.'"
They would no more surrender Colonel Johnny to their filthy Secret Police than they'd ----.O'Connor's furious thoughts ...
-->
They would no more surrender Colonel Johnny to their filthy Secret Police than they'd
-- O'Connor's furious thoughts ...
Col Ficherdorpf's pale blue eyes ...
-->
Col. Ficherdorpf's pale blue eyes ...
" Curse that smart-alec Secret Police Major.
-->
"Curse that smart-alec Secret Police Major.
He envisaged the pump little pop-in-jay ...
-->
He envisaged the plump little pop-in-jay ...
Major Franz Dietrich, golden boy of the Hierarchy
-->
Major Franz Dietrich, golden boy of the Hierarchy.
." He was" thundered the commandant in a voice as silent as Otto's footsteps,"No more than an errand boy ...
-->
"He was," thundered the commandant in a voice as silent as Otto's footsteps, "No more than an errand boy ...
And by thunder, He wasn't going to sit tamely while ...
-->
And by thunder, he wasn't going to sit tamely by, while ...
He was allowed anything he asked for,so by lunch time ...
-->
He was allowed anything he asked for, so by lunch time ...
O"Connor was inclined to be emotional,
-->
O'Connor was inclined to be emotional,
...but the rest of the men treated Col Johnny ...
-->
...but the rest of the men treated Col. Johnny ...
They weren't there to second guess, The decision had already been made.
-->
They weren't there to second guess; the decision had already been made.
He understood the way things went in Wartime. Here today and gone tomorrow.
-->
He understood the way things went in wartime: here today, and gone tomorrow.
Then he realized the men he had served with were who was going to hear his words ...
-->
Then he realized who the men he had served with were, who were going to hear his words ...
It was nearly midnight as they walked out of Cellblock "D"and around the corner ...
-->
It was nearly midnight as they walked out of Cellblock D and around the corner ...
Col Johnny was humbled. Humbled but proud.
-->
Col Johnny was humbled; humbled but proud.
"It's time for me to go" he said clearly, "I won't keep you long._-----"
-->
"It's time for me to go," he said clearly, "I won't keep you long --"
"I knew it," he gasped " I knew you were one of them".
-->
"I knew it," he gasped " I knew you were one of them."
His voice choked and he died with five well-placed bullets in his body
.Colonel Martin Ficherdorpf looked across ...
-->
His voice choked and he died with five well-placed bullets in his body. Colonel Martin Ficherdorpf looked across ...
"He was a traitor, Ernst," he told the stunned man."Better ...
-->
"He was a traitor, Ernst," he told the stunned man. "Better ...
...say nothing about being here tonight..
-->
...say nothing about being here tonight.
So messy. and if they find the slightest thing out of order_----.Well, you know how they go on. don't you?"
-->
So messy, and if they find the slightest thing out of order -- well, you know how they go on, don't you?"
Dazed, Col.Porter heard the commandant's words ...
-->
Dazed, Col. Porter heard the commandant's words ...
You leave in" he glanced at his watch "One hour and thirty-five minutes."
-->
You leave in," he glanced at his watch, "One hour and thirty-five minutes."
...so no-one thought anything of the fact ...
-->
...so no one thought anything of the fact ...
.Colonel Porter gave the driver instructions ...
-->
Colonel Porter gave the driver instructions ...
"He'd go away ,"he promised, "and never be seen again".
-->
He'd go away, he promised, and never be seen again. [They're not his actual words, so no quotes.]
Johnny twisted the man in the noose and heard a slight "Snap" as the neck broke.
-->
Johnny twisted the man in the noose and heard a slight "snap" as his neck broke.
...when he was found working as a gardner ...
-->
...when he was found working as a gardener ...
...with his wife and three of his daughters.Two other daughters were married ...
-->
...with his wife and three of his daughters. Two other daughters were married ...
There was no hue and ,cry after Werner Schultz.
-->
There was no hue and cry, after Werner Schultz.
***
Your Colonel Johnny Porter showed tremendous courage under fire. I wondered what his last words would have been, but fortunately for him, he never got a chance to finish saying them.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
-
Dear Friend, Thank you for your review and the in-depth critique of the bane of my life, Punctuation. Usually, Grammarly catches them and I go diligently back and correct them. So What happened this time? It must have turned off somehow 'cos I don't usually have that many.Anyway thanks again Cheers Cass
-
Hi Cass, woops, I didn't know that punctuation was the bane of your life! We each have "banes" in our lives, but I'm glad I could help in some small way. Don't worry about anything, keep writing and may God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story with interacting characters that go together nicely! If I had to change one thing it would be adding imagery to your chapter! Something that goes along and brings out what your story is about!
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family;-)
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
|
Excellent story with interacting characters that go together nicely! If I had to change one thing it would be adding imagery to your chapter! Something that goes along and brings out what your story is about!
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family;-)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
-
Dear Melodie Michelle thank you for your review and the five stars. I have never done anything like this before,and I am surprised to find it actually has merit. I agree that it could do with a bit more meat on its bones.Perhaps if I do something similar in the future, I'll dress it up a bit more. However, your comments on this "as is" are generous and rewarding .Thanks again cheers Cass
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True writing comes from the soul of can't be dressed up! Too much dressing causes the lettuce to be soggy!
Comment from Carmen Ducharme
Wow what a story .I was totally intrigued from the beginning .Well done great job ! Your words brought me into the story I felt like i was watching a movie .Thank you for writing :)
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
|
Wow what a story .I was totally intrigued from the beginning .Well done great job ! Your words brought me into the story I felt like i was watching a movie .Thank you for writing :)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Dear Carmen, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Thank you also for sharing your inner feelings while reading it. Such comments are "jewels in the crown" for any writer worthy of the name. cheers cass
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is an interesting story and entry for "Final Words" contest. These words are memorable and illustrated the cruelty of the war. These people were young and shouldn't have died.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
|
This is an interesting story and entry for "Final Words" contest. These words are memorable and illustrated the cruelty of the war. These people were young and shouldn't have died.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
-
Dear Lisa, Thank you for your review and the five stars. I have never
had any comments on my writings before joining Fanstory so any and all comments of a critical nature are most welcomecheers Cass
Comment from Sharon Nolen
Wow. This is a great story. It actually kept my attention the whole time. It would make a great movie. I really like the way you had me thinking that Mr. Porter was going to be shot and it was actually Major Franz Dietrich; and, the commandant was not so bad, in Porter's eyes, after all. Interestingly Porter, who was spared, did not care to spare the traitor. Whereas earlier, I thought Porter was the one with the final words before he died, but it was the traitor who arrogantly said "Screw you, screw the commandant, screw every poor blind sod I put into the pot to stew in his own juice." That was awesome. It was suspenseful.
I have some observations:
In your sentence "And a pay rise every time", did you mean pay raise?
And Hors douvre - The correct spelling is hors d'oeuvres.
I love learning new vocabulary words. Your story gave me many. There are:
envisaged
fastidious
Gaelic
fusillade
pallid
gabbling
sod
I looked them up and documented them and their meanings in my vocabulary file.
Thank you for such an interesting story.
Very good work!!!!
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
|
Wow. This is a great story. It actually kept my attention the whole time. It would make a great movie. I really like the way you had me thinking that Mr. Porter was going to be shot and it was actually Major Franz Dietrich; and, the commandant was not so bad, in Porter's eyes, after all. Interestingly Porter, who was spared, did not care to spare the traitor. Whereas earlier, I thought Porter was the one with the final words before he died, but it was the traitor who arrogantly said "Screw you, screw the commandant, screw every poor blind sod I put into the pot to stew in his own juice." That was awesome. It was suspenseful.
I have some observations:
In your sentence "And a pay rise every time", did you mean pay raise?
And Hors douvre - The correct spelling is hors d'oeuvres.
I love learning new vocabulary words. Your story gave me many. There are:
envisaged
fastidious
Gaelic
fusillade
pallid
gabbling
sod
I looked them up and documented them and their meanings in my vocabulary file.
Thank you for such an interesting story.
Very good work!!!!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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Dear Sharon, Thank you for your review and the five stars. Thank you also for your corrections which I have taken advantage of before judging begins.This piece turned out better than I thought it would.
That's what happens when the characters are let free to develop on their own terms. Werner Schultz was a surprise(to me)but his presence gave credibility to the rest of the story cheers Unknown author
-
You're welcome.
Comment from Earl Corp
This was not anything like I was expecting to read. You mislabeled this as Western Science Fiction, I wasn't expecting a Word War II story. One of the first things I learned when posting on Fanstory was to double space between paragraphs to make it easier for reviewers to read.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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This was not anything like I was expecting to read. You mislabeled this as Western Science Fiction, I wasn't expecting a Word War II story. One of the first things I learned when posting on Fanstory was to double space between paragraphs to make it easier for reviewers to read.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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Dear Earl,Please accept my sincere apologies for the incorrect labelling.I do have a problem with this on my computer and ought to have checked it before releasing it from "preview mode" Thank you for your review and the five stars which is very generous of you. I have corrected the two misnamed categories and I thank you most sincerely for bringing it to my attention before judging begins.
Unknown author
Comment from Iza Deleanu
WIshful thinking for a life after the turmoil's of the war are over: "When this is over," said Johnny, "We will meet again." Martin smiled, but shook his head."No, my friend. When this is over I shall have made myself a new life. somewhere in South Africa. My wife and daughters will be safe and I will live to a ripe old age remembering this night and others just like it." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
|
WIshful thinking for a life after the turmoil's of the war are over: "When this is over," said Johnny, "We will meet again." Martin smiled, but shook his head."No, my friend. When this is over I shall have made myself a new life. somewhere in South Africa. My wife and daughters will be safe and I will live to a ripe old age remembering this night and others just like it." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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Dear Iza, Thank you for your review and the five stars. As Col.Ficherdorpf is really a "goodie" I decided he had a right to a decent life after the insanity of war was over. I hope it doesn't "tread on any toes." Yours sincerely unknown writer
