Seaworthy Dhow
Petrarchan Sonnet.24 total reviews
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
This is an interesting poem and topic! I like the way you've described the moment when disaster struck, as you create suspense to learn whether the sailors are able to recover...
Sails taut, stiff winds did force their weak masts strain.
One dhow dropped down their sails and hit broadside,
the surge engulfed the ship but took the pain.
Thank you for sharing.
Susan
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
  |
This is an interesting poem and topic! I like the way you've described the moment when disaster struck, as you create suspense to learn whether the sailors are able to recover...
Sails taut, stiff winds did force their weak masts strain.
One dhow dropped down their sails and hit broadside,
the surge engulfed the ship but took the pain.
Thank you for sharing.
Susan
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my poem.
Comment from Jenny Kartchner
You have made use of some clever and outstanding word in this piece. The art work goes along with the poem splendidly. I enjoyed your use of personification, too.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
|
You have made use of some clever and outstanding word in this piece. The art work goes along with the poem splendidly. I enjoyed your use of personification, too.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
-
Smiling back!
Comment from tfawcus
A splendid description of a dhow. What wonderful ships they are. However, your rhyme scheme in the quatrains is all over the place and certainly not in the Petrarchan mould you describe in your notes. I find it easier to arrange these poems on the page as two quatrains with a gap between them and a sestet. This accentuates the rhyme scheme.
You could probably lose the two commas in the first line, as well. [The orange orb(,) we call(,) the sun arose,]
Your sestet provides a good turning point from disaster to safe haven. A poem that would definitely be worth working on, to beat it into shape.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
 |
A splendid description of a dhow. What wonderful ships they are. However, your rhyme scheme in the quatrains is all over the place and certainly not in the Petrarchan mould you describe in your notes. I find it easier to arrange these poems on the page as two quatrains with a gap between them and a sestet. This accentuates the rhyme scheme.
You could probably lose the two commas in the first line, as well. [The orange orb(,) we call(,) the sun arose,]
Your sestet provides a good turning point from disaster to safe haven. A poem that would definitely be worth working on, to beat it into shape.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
-
Thanks Tony, Wandering away from my "Free Verse" safe haven does present some hurdles for me. I welcome you honest input, Jim
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with a complex style. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your sonnet. Your words flow smooth with good rhymes and great imagery. I'm not sure if the meter is correct in all lines (maybe just 2), but that doesn't take away from your poem. The image is a good pairing with your well-chosen words.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
|
You did a good job with a complex style. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your sonnet. Your words flow smooth with good rhymes and great imagery. I'm not sure if the meter is correct in all lines (maybe just 2), but that doesn't take away from your poem. The image is a good pairing with your well-chosen words.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
-
Thank you, this sonnet writing is so far from my comfort zone, but with the classes I am just now beginning to grasp meter.
Comment from Boogienights
This is wonderful, you write like you know the sea and what it's like to sail. Excellent descriptive wording, I could feel the ocean spray, a smooth flow as well. Thanks for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
|
This is wonderful, you write like you know the sea and what it's like to sail. Excellent descriptive wording, I could feel the ocean spray, a smooth flow as well. Thanks for sharing. :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
-
Thank you.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a well written sonnet as the final for your class in writing sonnets. May your weekend be blessed with love, joy and good times with family.
Patricia
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
|
This is a well written sonnet as the final for your class in writing sonnets. May your weekend be blessed with love, joy and good times with family.
Patricia
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
-
Patricia, Thank you for your time taken to read and comment on this poem.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I am not a poet and am ignorant of the technicalities. I like to read poetry. The story sails smoothly.I find this is very well written and the accompanying picture is beautiful and apt. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
|
I am not a poet and am ignorant of the technicalities. I like to read poetry. The story sails smoothly.I find this is very well written and the accompanying picture is beautiful and apt. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
-
Thanks much!
Comment from Carol Clark2
I like the story you have told in this sonnet. The rhyme scheme seems a little irregular from the pattern you have described. I learned a new word (dhow) -- thank you. Overall, a good story.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
|
I like the story you have told in this sonnet. The rhyme scheme seems a little irregular from the pattern you have described. I learned a new word (dhow) -- thank you. Overall, a good story.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
-
Thanks
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear JLR, This is a great read and your illustration is fascinating. But I am somewhat confused because your comments are saying this post is a sonnet, and you show the rhyme scheme in your post. but unless you put a comma at the end of the first line, you have invalidated your very first rhyme.
I would suggest that you delete the 1st line, the poem does not need it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
|
Dear JLR, This is a great read and your illustration is fascinating. But I am somewhat confused because your comments are saying this post is a sonnet, and you show the rhyme scheme in your post. but unless you put a comma at the end of the first line, you have invalidated your very first rhyme.
I would suggest that you delete the 1st line, the poem does not need it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
-
Thanks, I couldn?t get on the class today, I had bandwidth issues all day, it caused me a lot of lost productivity.
-
Dear Buddy seems like we both have internet issues!
Mine went down for an hour and a half yesterday and I had a whole pile of reviews to write. I am fairly sure the challenges will never end, even after we die. There is this thing called eternity and that last a lot longer than our life on this planet.
,
-
So very true, much more awaits us after this finite experience.j
Comment from Susan Larson
Wow! I think I was going cross-eyed trying to follow all the A's, B's, C's and D's of this Petrarchan Sonnet. It looks to me that is must have been a challenge, but you met it well with this sports poem filled with action and emotion.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
|
Wow! I think I was going cross-eyed trying to follow all the A's, B's, C's and D's of this Petrarchan Sonnet. It looks to me that is must have been a challenge, but you met it well with this sports poem filled with action and emotion.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
-
Smiling back with gratitide.
