Perplexed.
Short story13 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, so did his father really come or did he just dream this conversation? I'm not "perplexed" but "confused." The diamond cufflinks must be a clue - was the dream prophetic or did his father knock and left because there was no answer? Still the letter is in his pocket so that part of the conversation happened. I wonder if he was worried about his father's approval of the marriage? Sorry to come up with so many questions. I don't know what really happened.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Oh, so did his father really come or did he just dream this conversation? I'm not "perplexed" but "confused." The diamond cufflinks must be a clue - was the dream prophetic or did his father knock and left because there was no answer? Still the letter is in his pocket so that part of the conversation happened. I wonder if he was worried about his father's approval of the marriage? Sorry to come up with so many questions. I don't know what really happened.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reading and reviewing zanya
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Zanya:
It is said that good things come to he that waits;
however, there is such a thing as waiting too
long, it would seem! This is a good entry for the
sentence starts the story contest Good luck.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Zanya:
It is said that good things come to he that waits;
however, there is such a thing as waiting too
long, it would seem! This is a good entry for the
sentence starts the story contest Good luck.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Great comment zanya
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, zanya. I like the theme of your story. You expressed your thought and feelings well in it. Your word choices are precise and filled with imagery. I like the conversation with the father. Your ending was unexpected--great idea. You give readers much to ponder about the ending--another great idea.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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You did a great job, zanya. I like the theme of your story. You expressed your thought and feelings well in it. Your word choices are precise and filled with imagery. I like the conversation with the father. Your ending was unexpected--great idea. You give readers much to ponder about the ending--another great idea.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Superb review zanya
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
In 2nd paragraph, drop "matter" as subject means same thing in this instance. In 1946 the war was over, it was still a bitter memory. "Who else . . . " isn't necessary. We're about to find that out. Cufflinks would be hidden by overcoat. What is, "Yes-yes . . . replied" in answer to? When someone is speaking, his entire speech stays in same paragraph. Are you implying he murdered his father? Would be better to give more info leading into that conclusion. TRy reading aloud to yourself and if it doesn't sound the way people speak, it is stilted and needs to be changed. Best of luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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In 2nd paragraph, drop "matter" as subject means same thing in this instance. In 1946 the war was over, it was still a bitter memory. "Who else . . . " isn't necessary. We're about to find that out. Cufflinks would be hidden by overcoat. What is, "Yes-yes . . . replied" in answer to? When someone is speaking, his entire speech stays in same paragraph. Are you implying he murdered his father? Would be better to give more info leading into that conclusion. TRy reading aloud to yourself and if it doesn't sound the way people speak, it is stilted and needs to be changed. Best of luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reading and taking time to comment -much appreciated zanya
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling narration--flawless!--I confess I don't get what happened--was it all a dream? What's the significance of his "What if" and the glint of the cufflink?
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Compelling narration--flawless!--I confess I don't get what happened--was it all a dream? What's the significance of his "What if" and the glint of the cufflink?
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reading and sharing those interesting comments zanya
Comment from lancellot
Sounds like someone may have to a real job and take care of themselves. A very interesting dream story, and a reminder about being an independent adult.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Sounds like someone may have to a real job and take care of themselves. A very interesting dream story, and a reminder about being an independent adult.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Great review zanya
Comment from Jenny Kartchner
This is an awesome extention of ....there was a knock on the door. You used some great adjectives that propelled the story and made is vibrant.
The rhyming is what I truly admire.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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This is an awesome extention of ....there was a knock on the door. You used some great adjectives that propelled the story and made is vibrant.
The rhyming is what I truly admire.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Superb reveiw zanya
Comment from equestrik
I enjoyed the great detail you put into this story. i also enjoy the time period here and I feel you wrote well and your story was interesting fom start to finish.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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I enjoyed the great detail you put into this story. i also enjoy the time period here and I feel you wrote well and your story was interesting fom start to finish.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Great review zanya
Comment from RetroStarfish
Oooooh, a nice twist at the end! Great story. From the green quill to the all important sparkling cufflinks you have included some lovely details in this engaging tale. Very period appropriate and very well done.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Oooooh, a nice twist at the end! Great story. From the green quill to the all important sparkling cufflinks you have included some lovely details in this engaging tale. Very period appropriate and very well done.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Great reveiw zanya
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent story, with well-developed distinctive characters. An important pivot that made the piece for me was when Sir Edward learnt that his father has an illegitimate son, who he can leave the (presumably unentailed) estate to, to continue lis lineage.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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This is an excellent story, with well-developed distinctive characters. An important pivot that made the piece for me was when Sir Edward learnt that his father has an illegitimate son, who he can leave the (presumably unentailed) estate to, to continue lis lineage.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Great review zanya
