Long Distance Call on the Line
A man who lost his faith finds it at last.2 total reviews
Comment from AnnieDawn
This is a really good story and I enjoyed reading it. It is one that I would have my grandkids read. I found several sentences that need capitals to begin them and have selected the first two that I ran into to show. Otherwise, it is really a well-written story.
hey, Sergeant Mason. (capitalize 'hey')
"from my house?" I(capitalize 'from')
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
   |
This is a really good story and I enjoyed reading it. It is one that I would have my grandkids read. I found several sentences that need capitals to begin them and have selected the first two that I ran into to show. Otherwise, it is really a well-written story.
hey, Sergeant Mason. (capitalize 'hey')
"from my house?" I(capitalize 'from')
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
-
Thank you so much. I don't know why, but for some reason, none? And I mean none? Of my words are capitalized at the beginning of quotations. I think I have fixed them all now. Thank you very much again.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is a great story and I'm guessing it's true, from the first person POV and some of the detail. The ending is a wonderful surprise.
It could be an excellent story with a little tightening up and a whole lot more attention to detail. I lost count how many times you've started a sentence or a piece of dialogue without capitalizing the first word.
There are some other small punctuation errors, but biggest issue, for me, was the awkwardness and wordiness of some sections.
For example: 'This was really bizarre. It was not something that happened commonly, if at all, and now I wanted to find out what had caused this error.' The first sentence is succinct something bizarre happened. But the next sentence says exactly the same thing, using a whole lot of words. The only new information is that you're curious.
Extra words and extraneous information can bog a reader down. The section where you explain who Rich Baker is, how he came to be in the trailer and the number and type of conversations you had with him, could be much more powerful if trimmed down.
It really is an amazing story and I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
|
This is a great story and I'm guessing it's true, from the first person POV and some of the detail. The ending is a wonderful surprise.
It could be an excellent story with a little tightening up and a whole lot more attention to detail. I lost count how many times you've started a sentence or a piece of dialogue without capitalizing the first word.
There are some other small punctuation errors, but biggest issue, for me, was the awkwardness and wordiness of some sections.
For example: 'This was really bizarre. It was not something that happened commonly, if at all, and now I wanted to find out what had caused this error.' The first sentence is succinct something bizarre happened. But the next sentence says exactly the same thing, using a whole lot of words. The only new information is that you're curious.
Extra words and extraneous information can bog a reader down. The section where you explain who Rich Baker is, how he came to be in the trailer and the number and type of conversations you had with him, could be much more powerful if trimmed down.
It really is an amazing story and I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
-
Thank you for your honest review. I don't know what happened, but I'll need to go back and check for those capitalization errors. I'm also going to consider the other things you said. I appreciate your help. Thanks!
-
I went back in and noticed that the capitalization seemed to happen at the beginning of a quotation. I really don't understand what happened, but I greatly appreciate it. Thank you again. I think I fixed them all now.
