Ravens Carousing, Green River
Free verse poem8 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Crystie, this is a well written free verse and a worthy entry to the contest. We get ravens over here but not in such close contact as in your poem. I particularly like your comment 'But big elk stags simply roll their eyes, ignore sure-footed shenanigans of those raucous ravens,' - nice use of alliteration with letter R. Well done and good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Hello Crystie, this is a well written free verse and a worthy entry to the contest. We get ravens over here but not in such close contact as in your poem. I particularly like your comment 'But big elk stags simply roll their eyes, ignore sure-footed shenanigans of those raucous ravens,' - nice use of alliteration with letter R. Well done and good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thank you for such a superb review.
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your free verse about the ravens. You show us both the positive and negative aspects of these smart and active birds and their effect on their environment. We have a Green River also.
One tiny suggestion - up to you to consider - is to remove "They look like" in your opening line. This is more prose and similes are not a strong as metaphors, I've learned. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Enjoyed your free verse about the ravens. You show us both the positive and negative aspects of these smart and active birds and their effect on their environment. We have a Green River also.
One tiny suggestion - up to you to consider - is to remove "They look like" in your opening line. This is more prose and similes are not a strong as metaphors, I've learned. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thanks bunches for your review! And also the suggestion.
Comment from AnnieDawn
What an interesting topic and you have carried it out so well. Your description of the birds activities is so real and they do act exactly as described. A well written free verse poem. This is one style I have trouble writing.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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What an interesting topic and you have carried it out so well. Your description of the birds activities is so real and they do act exactly as described. A well written free verse poem. This is one style I have trouble writing.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you for a stellar review!
Comment from Patricia Cammish
I like thus very much: it's an original idea with interesting vocabulary and imagery.
'They mistake being present for being friendly.'
I particularly like this line. It could apply in so many situations.
'Squirrels and chipmunks also wince and retreat.' It seems to me that 'also' is superfluous here. You are not referring back to the previous line.
' Still, ravens as symbols of war
remind humans how every noble act in war'
Your repetition of 'war' is a bit distracting. How about 'every noble warlike act' instead?
Wonderful birds, ravens, highly symbolic.
There's a bit of consternation here in London this week. The queen raven from the Tower of London has gone AWOL.
A poem is looming i think.
I think your winding-up rhyming works very well.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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I like thus very much: it's an original idea with interesting vocabulary and imagery.
'They mistake being present for being friendly.'
I particularly like this line. It could apply in so many situations.
'Squirrels and chipmunks also wince and retreat.' It seems to me that 'also' is superfluous here. You are not referring back to the previous line.
' Still, ravens as symbols of war
remind humans how every noble act in war'
Your repetition of 'war' is a bit distracting. How about 'every noble warlike act' instead?
Wonderful birds, ravens, highly symbolic.
There's a bit of consternation here in London this week. The queen raven from the Tower of London has gone AWOL.
A poem is looming i think.
I think your winding-up rhyming works very well.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you for a helpful review. I will go back and look at those spots.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes, ravens are great symbols, they are pragmatists to the max, they don't let petty pride get in the way of accomplishing the ultimate self gain objectives, well done Christie, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Oh yes, ravens are great symbols, they are pragmatists to the max, they don't let petty pride get in the way of accomplishing the ultimate self gain objectives, well done Christie, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thanks for a super review!
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Most eelcome
Comment from judiverse
Sounds like these birds rule their habitats. I like the way you describe the other animals' reactions to the ravens, especially the elk stags that just roll their eyes at them. The ravens simply know how to get what they want. Excellent word choices throughout. Alliteration such as "ravenous ravens" works for you. Very apt reference to ravens as symbols of war and how they remind us that achieving peace is a greater honor that fighting wars. Great line with "black backs speak louder than greenbacks." If power is the ultimate goal, the ravens have it. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Sounds like these birds rule their habitats. I like the way you describe the other animals' reactions to the ravens, especially the elk stags that just roll their eyes at them. The ravens simply know how to get what they want. Excellent word choices throughout. Alliteration such as "ravenous ravens" works for you. Very apt reference to ravens as symbols of war and how they remind us that achieving peace is a greater honor that fighting wars. Great line with "black backs speak louder than greenbacks." If power is the ultimate goal, the ravens have it. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you for such a nice review.
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from damommy
We don't have ravens here, but we have crows. I love them. They are beautiful and smart. Great job on the free verse with good alliteration and internal rhyme.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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We don't have ravens here, but we have crows. I love them. They are beautiful and smart. Great job on the free verse with good alliteration and internal rhyme.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you for a stellar review!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ravens are similar to crows and they have been given a bad name by some poets, but they are amazing birds, beautiful to look at and they stick together for the greater good. Your free-write brought them to life, I liked 'black bombshells' and 'self-proclaimed preachers' to name just two perfect descriptions here Crystie, a joy to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Ravens are similar to crows and they have been given a bad name by some poets, but they are amazing birds, beautiful to look at and they stick together for the greater good. Your free-write brought them to life, I liked 'black bombshells' and 'self-proclaimed preachers' to name just two perfect descriptions here Crystie, a joy to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2021
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Thank you for an awesome review. We have ravens in much of the southern part of my state of Utah. And also California.
