Reviews from

Football - A Novel

Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Football Chapter 9 part 2"
A mother faces life's struggles.

26 total reviews 
Comment from Ben Colder
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

He scanned area. "I
I see something budding to romance. I smile when reading your work. I know you raised boys and it shows in your writings. And that is a good thing.
Good one Barb. Now I am pizza hungry.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    Thank you for understanding.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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All that wonderful help from the "jocks" and some of their players, I wonder if Katherine's mind is changing as to the footballing fraternity's preoccupation with pigskin and locker room mentality, mind you, her dad was a coach too. beautifully written, Barbara, you did a marvellous job, with this episode, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    Thank you for understanding.
reply by royowen on 10-Jan-2021
    Well done
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
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This Chapter: 9 Part:2 of the Fiction is well written in a solid taletelling, fast forward progression of plot, with realistic dialogues contribute to the thematic maturation; ends formally; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent
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I can identify with the moving day. I know you can as well. I never had that much help. That first night of getting back into your own bed and being so tired you fall asleep as soon as you get is a memory that sticks with you. Good job.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    Thank you for understanding.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Excellent
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This is a lovely chapter - stuff gets done and there is some subtle flirting. I really liked the understated way the coach asks Katherine what name she would put him under in her phone. Nice touch.
Two small things. First, I wonder if this is a typo or if you meant to say 'good.'
"I think they like each other." He checked his watch. "Good. I didn't realize it was this late." Usually when people are surprised by the time, they'll say "God, I didn't realize it was this late." Also, another character starts a sentence with "Good...." very close to this.
The other small point is very picky - but I just moved recently, into a large house with a lot of furniture and boxes. Three men got it off the truck and into all the correct rooms in under 2 hours. It seemed to take a long while for a whole team of boys and coaches to move a boxes from the yard into the house. Perhaps they could relax over a rewarding pizza rather than still be carrying boxes by the time the pizza arrives.
Again - small point in a well paced chapter.




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 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    I have moved numerous time, my husband was military, so I had to do it myself, with four boys. It took forever. It really did. Thank you for the kind review. I will not use God's name in vain.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Excellent
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Yes, it is snowing!! I'm watching it outside the window right now.

I haven't read previous chapters, but will go back and catch up.

As for this one right now...
Wow, you made that move very relatable with your attention to detail. It made me shudder remembering moves of my own.
I think I detect a hint of possible romance with the coach? Hmmmm.... we'll see.

Great story, and I loved the summary at the beginning.

Take care,
Rhonda

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 Comment Written 10-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2021
    Thank you for the kind review.