As Time Went By
The continuation to the perfect years.35 total reviews
Comment from Veronica Grace
You are a fine storyteller and write with a fresh and open style. Your heartfelt story is a wonderful and interesting read. Nothing to change or correct. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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You are a fine storyteller and write with a fresh and open style. Your heartfelt story is a wonderful and interesting read. Nothing to change or correct. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 07-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading this story.
Comment from greyson ernst
this is a really really impressive poem i love it and the picture is also perfect and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst :D
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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this is a really really impressive poem i love it and the picture is also perfect and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst :D
Comment Written 07-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for your gracious comments to a part of my life.
Comment from rama devi
I love the originality and retrospective tone in your writing style, dear friend. Both are important for the memoir-vignette genre. it strikes me that since you excel in both prose and poetry, you might consider writing a full memoir interspersed with poems (and the stories they stem from). It would be unique, for sure. Just a thought.
Your pacing is excellent, with adept use of pregnant pauses and breaths.
Couple of typos:
*
I was aware of the vicissitudes of navy life, but I wasn't prepared.(COMMA) physically or mentally.
*
Trying to adapt, I noticed their salty breezes tickling my nose,(NO COMMA) and white-uniformed sailors smiling at us.
*optional:
I sang(,) with an uplifted tone(,) in the midst of our intruding moving boxes.
*
One morning, hurried packers arrived exactly at nine, and in a couple of hours, my home was dismantled, its holdings firmly hushed in cold, faceless boxes.
Run on sentence. Amazed I did not catch this on first edit. Suggest two sentences:
One morning, hurried packers arrived exactly at nine. Within a couple of hours, my home was dismantled, its holdings firmly hushed in cold, faceless boxes.
There are two or three spacing typos too...just scan through to find them.
Your descriptive detail and metaphorical subtlety are superb!
Excellent work--almost a six for this genre -- so I am giving one in advance!
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
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I love the originality and retrospective tone in your writing style, dear friend. Both are important for the memoir-vignette genre. it strikes me that since you excel in both prose and poetry, you might consider writing a full memoir interspersed with poems (and the stories they stem from). It would be unique, for sure. Just a thought.
Your pacing is excellent, with adept use of pregnant pauses and breaths.
Couple of typos:
*
I was aware of the vicissitudes of navy life, but I wasn't prepared.(COMMA) physically or mentally.
*
Trying to adapt, I noticed their salty breezes tickling my nose,(NO COMMA) and white-uniformed sailors smiling at us.
*optional:
I sang(,) with an uplifted tone(,) in the midst of our intruding moving boxes.
*
One morning, hurried packers arrived exactly at nine, and in a couple of hours, my home was dismantled, its holdings firmly hushed in cold, faceless boxes.
Run on sentence. Amazed I did not catch this on first edit. Suggest two sentences:
One morning, hurried packers arrived exactly at nine. Within a couple of hours, my home was dismantled, its holdings firmly hushed in cold, faceless boxes.
There are two or three spacing typos too...just scan through to find them.
Your descriptive detail and metaphorical subtlety are superb!
Excellent work--almost a six for this genre -- so I am giving one in advance!
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Allezw2
Lady amada: You told your story well. It was well presented and engaging.
FYI - I remember well the 'brown baggers' and the rush to be on the first liberty boat. Half a dozen guys in rotation jumping into the shower only long enough to wet down before the next took his place, soaping down while waiting the next turn, bloody faces from shaving cuts. Too, there was the agony of a new duty station and hoping government housing would be available. Could the wife find a job? The monthly inspections were onerous. Too often, there was a long waiting list before such housing was available, leaving only civilian alternatives, far more expensive. The alternative was to return to live with parents. One E6 in my division bought a house when he first married as an E4 in the early forties and told his wife she would live in that house until they bought another one or he retired. East Coast, West Coast, Med or far east cruise, that was home. His kids had a stable home life, a community that they grew up in. I have two pictures of two sailors I served with on Midway Island. One is grinning ear to ear as he walked out of the terminal to the log flight to Hickam, free of the year's isolation on 'the rock'. The other was dour as can be, down in the dumps and facing the hassle of shipping his household goods, finding government housing if available, and facing the increased cost of dependent housing in the CONUS, civilian or military. One E6 family used her lawn for a garden and sold vegetables from it. The rent on Midway was $45 in the mid-fifties. When I saw the cooks and their buddies routinely stealing food from the galley to take home, when E4s were applying for food stamps, I wondered why they would subject their families to such privation? After retiring, one friend said his wife was wonderful in those years, but they spent a lot of time playing cards and drinking Kool-Ade with other navy families. And there was the pecking order based on the spouse's rate or rank. That you survived and thrived by your posting says much for adaptability. Certainly not something I would want to try.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Lady amada: You told your story well. It was well presented and engaging.
FYI - I remember well the 'brown baggers' and the rush to be on the first liberty boat. Half a dozen guys in rotation jumping into the shower only long enough to wet down before the next took his place, soaping down while waiting the next turn, bloody faces from shaving cuts. Too, there was the agony of a new duty station and hoping government housing would be available. Could the wife find a job? The monthly inspections were onerous. Too often, there was a long waiting list before such housing was available, leaving only civilian alternatives, far more expensive. The alternative was to return to live with parents. One E6 in my division bought a house when he first married as an E4 in the early forties and told his wife she would live in that house until they bought another one or he retired. East Coast, West Coast, Med or far east cruise, that was home. His kids had a stable home life, a community that they grew up in. I have two pictures of two sailors I served with on Midway Island. One is grinning ear to ear as he walked out of the terminal to the log flight to Hickam, free of the year's isolation on 'the rock'. The other was dour as can be, down in the dumps and facing the hassle of shipping his household goods, finding government housing if available, and facing the increased cost of dependent housing in the CONUS, civilian or military. One E6 family used her lawn for a garden and sold vegetables from it. The rent on Midway was $45 in the mid-fifties. When I saw the cooks and their buddies routinely stealing food from the galley to take home, when E4s were applying for food stamps, I wondered why they would subject their families to such privation? After retiring, one friend said his wife was wonderful in those years, but they spent a lot of time playing cards and drinking Kool-Ade with other navy families. And there was the pecking order based on the spouse's rate or rank. That you survived and thrived by your posting says much for adaptability. Certainly not something I would want to try.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Dear Allezw...Wonderful. Your lines brought me so close to those years past. Oh yes, I remember our name on list for a navy housing, the Basee, the Commisary, the Exchange...and those thousand passes to keep. Thank you dear friend. Keep young, write!
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You're quite welcome, Fantasist
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I enjoy reading this biographic piece. What an interesting and busy life! I can't imagine a life on the move all the time. But you have had three beautiful children and you enjoy singing. Does "Moon Walk" refer to Michael Jackson's Moon Walk?
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I enjoy reading this biographic piece. What an interesting and busy life! I can't imagine a life on the move all the time. But you have had three beautiful children and you enjoy singing. Does "Moon Walk" refer to Michael Jackson's Moon Walk?
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Oh yes, my kids were fun of Michaeel Jackson and the moon walk...BTW they were four kids, Lisa, born in California, the other three I forgot the state where they were born...
Comment from Judy Lawless
For those of us who have never been a part of a military family, you have given us a straight forward view of the nomadic life that comes with it. I like your conversational style of sharing your thoughts.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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For those of us who have never been a part of a military family, you have given us a straight forward view of the nomadic life that comes with it. I like your conversational style of sharing your thoughts.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you a lot. It was difficut to write these two pieces. Lots of mixed feelings. Thank you so muchfor your support.
Comment from robyn corum
Amada,
Nicely done. This was poignant and full of precious, but simple, memories. You have a wonderful flow to your writing that is like we're just sitting together as I let you talk. It's very breezy and cheerful - I like it!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Amada,
Nicely done. This was poignant and full of precious, but simple, memories. You have a wonderful flow to your writing that is like we're just sitting together as I let you talk. It's very breezy and cheerful - I like it!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your support, Robin.
Comment from mermaids
I enjoy reading memoirs and am fascinated by how many times you had to move. Your description of the constant moves is poetical, adding a smooth flow to your story. I am looking forward to reading more of your story.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I enjoy reading memoirs and am fascinated by how many times you had to move. Your description of the constant moves is poetical, adding a smooth flow to your story. I am looking forward to reading more of your story.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I so appreciate visiting my side, dear mermaids.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Very well written, How difficult to keep up a normal life with so many moves and changes. I like the line: " I wished my life to be a steady line--orderly rows; now, life was teaching me to grow in the zig-zag lines of a nomad marathon. "
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Very well written, How difficult to keep up a normal life with so many moves and changes. I like the line: " I wished my life to be a steady line--orderly rows; now, life was teaching me to grow in the zig-zag lines of a nomad marathon. "
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you Anne. Love your comments.
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You are welcome
Comment from Jaime Deagle
I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you Jaime, your comments fill me with a desire to write some more.
