Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Football Chapter 7 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
25 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Okay, the two coaches are getting along and the kids seems to like this teaming up. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and Merry Christmas.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Okay, the two coaches are getting along and the kids seems to like this teaming up. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter and Merry Christmas.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Barb
Your novel. The chapter is called Football Chapter 7 part 1.
Barb, I see that you have an excellent way making your conversation between your chacters interesting.
To let you know how dogs have a way of knowing things aren't going well. It's true we had five Siberian Huskies,
each one of them would growl and get very restless to let us know something wasn't up to par.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Barb
Your novel. The chapter is called Football Chapter 7 part 1.
Barb, I see that you have an excellent way making your conversation between your chacters interesting.
To let you know how dogs have a way of knowing things aren't going well. It's true we had five Siberian Huskies,
each one of them would growl and get very restless to let us know something wasn't up to par.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Those dogs' reaction has me concerned. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are most welcome Barb
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You are most welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear barbara, This second chapter is a great improvement, particularly when it comes to the length of your post, I have found only a couple of places in the text that will probably be edited, when you read it again.
I wanted to ask if you had a neighbor who would read it? Because in FanStory reviews, we hate to nitpick little places.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Dear barbara, This second chapter is a great improvement, particularly when it comes to the length of your post, I have found only a couple of places in the text that will probably be edited, when you read it again.
I wanted to ask if you had a neighbor who would read it? Because in FanStory reviews, we hate to nitpick little places.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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I barely have time to post. I use FS for editing and them when I'm finished posting go through two editors before I publish. I appreciate help.
Comment from AJ McCall
Oooh, yes. Moms know everything! They have eyes in the back of their heads - basically a sixth sense!!!! I love the interaction between the coach and Katherine. I hope she doesn't keep telling herself no. He's perfect!! I have a feeling that this won't be the last time he'll help or touch her. And what's causing the dogs to growl? Who knows, it may be Frost... or someone or something else. Well, I guess I'll have to find out in the next chapter! Love it so far! And please, please write a chapter soon describing how the coach looks!!!!!!!! (I need to know if he's that good-looking LOL)
I noticed one mistake: He put (this) hand on the small of her back.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Oooh, yes. Moms know everything! They have eyes in the back of their heads - basically a sixth sense!!!! I love the interaction between the coach and Katherine. I hope she doesn't keep telling herself no. He's perfect!! I have a feeling that this won't be the last time he'll help or touch her. And what's causing the dogs to growl? Who knows, it may be Frost... or someone or something else. Well, I guess I'll have to find out in the next chapter! Love it so far! And please, please write a chapter soon describing how the coach looks!!!!!!!! (I need to know if he's that good-looking LOL)
I noticed one mistake: He put (this) hand on the small of her back.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Of course he's good looking. What is your ideal man?? That's him. LOL
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HAHA! My ideal man? Hmmm... well, he'll be much darker than Gabriel lol, for sure! You're welcome!!!!
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That's why I don't do a lot of descriptions. I want every woman to envision their perfect man. They're all different.
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LOL
Comment from Jay Squires
I enjoyed the way you emphasized on several occasions the dogs barking about something. It's a good effect.
A couple of things:
and this is part of part of my usual route, [Is the double "part of" intentional?]
Katherine's cheeks tinged pink as she swiped at her mom's arm. "Mom?" [You used "tinged pink" earlier. I doubt that anyone else would note it. I did, only because I liked it. But that's also why the second use stuck out.]
Overall, an excellent chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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I enjoyed the way you emphasized on several occasions the dogs barking about something. It's a good effect.
A couple of things:
and this is part of part of my usual route, [Is the double "part of" intentional?]
Katherine's cheeks tinged pink as she swiped at her mom's arm. "Mom?" [You used "tinged pink" earlier. I doubt that anyone else would note it. I did, only because I liked it. But that's also why the second use stuck out.]
Overall, an excellent chapter.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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I had deleted that second 'part of'. Maybe I forgot to save. I'll do it again. Will think of something other than tinged pink. Thank you. I appreciate the help./
Comment from lancellot
It is another well written chapter. I didn't see anything that needs attending. I couldn't help but wonder after all the growling, why neither of these, intelligent people, didn't just release a dog and follow it? Perhaps, a reason should be given to the readers for not doing that. I know you are trying to build danger and intrigue.
Anyway, good writing.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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It is another well written chapter. I didn't see anything that needs attending. I couldn't help but wonder after all the growling, why neither of these, intelligent people, didn't just release a dog and follow it? Perhaps, a reason should be given to the readers for not doing that. I know you are trying to build danger and intrigue.
Anyway, good writing.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
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Thank you. I truthfully never thought of releasing the dogs. I wouldn't have and didn't once while walking in the dark and my black lab had heard a noise. Hmmm. I understand you probably like more action, but my readers and fans are more the Hallmark type. I hope you don't mind too bad. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sometimes, dogs are smarter than people, actually, most of the time. Not only hearing things we don't, but seeing and picking up on things we just kind of stumble over. There's trouble in the air. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Sometimes, dogs are smarter than people, actually, most of the time. Not only hearing things we don't, but seeing and picking up on things we just kind of stumble over. There's trouble in the air. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the kind review and understanding.
Comment from Sankey
....And what will she find in her room? This was a dramatic, spine-tingling read. Can't wait to find out what the dogs know. Now just 2 spags today. You did a repeat...I jog anyway and this is [part of]
think we've know(n) each other long enough
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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....And what will she find in her room? This was a dramatic, spine-tingling read. Can't wait to find out what the dogs know. Now just 2 spags today. You did a repeat...I jog anyway and this is [part of]
think we've know(n) each other long enough
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Okay, I will check out those areas. I appreciate the help.
Comment from royowen
An excellent episode Barbara, but you've got me intrigued, it's true dogs have senses far and above the senses of humankind, and they are very possessive of their humans, and very caring, they seem to know and sense things we humans can't. Things are "cooking" between Gabe and Katherine. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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An excellent episode Barbara, but you've got me intrigued, it's true dogs have senses far and above the senses of humankind, and they are very possessive of their humans, and very caring, they seem to know and sense things we humans can't. Things are "cooking" between Gabe and Katherine. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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Most welcome Barbara
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, this is another great chapter, the plot is definitely thickening, and I keep seeing a new relationship in the making. I like the story and waiting to see what happens next. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Hi Barbara, this is another great chapter, the plot is definitely thickening, and I keep seeing a new relationship in the making. I like the story and waiting to see what happens next. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the kind support.
