Paris Rain
Lovely Afternoon3 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Paris Rain
by Carlos' girl
Hello, my friend,
Beautiful Haikuish Tercet entry. I love Paris. Such romantic city.
I like your poem but to comply with the contest it needs to be asymmetrical. First and third line same amount of syllables. Maybe I should have made it more clear. You won't be disqualified but your poem would improve.
Yours...
on a wide tree-lined lane 6
we walk without umbrellas - -7
to splatter droplets on the dusty purple ground 12
Symmetrical...
on a wide tree-lined lane 6 (nice assonance)
we walk without umbrellas - -7 (beautiful imagery)
droplets on purple ground 6
Now the first and last line are balanced.
Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Paris Rain
by Carlos' girl
Hello, my friend,
Beautiful Haikuish Tercet entry. I love Paris. Such romantic city.
I like your poem but to comply with the contest it needs to be asymmetrical. First and third line same amount of syllables. Maybe I should have made it more clear. You won't be disqualified but your poem would improve.
Yours...
on a wide tree-lined lane 6
we walk without umbrellas - -7
to splatter droplets on the dusty purple ground 12
Symmetrical...
on a wide tree-lined lane 6 (nice assonance)
we walk without umbrellas - -7 (beautiful imagery)
droplets on purple ground 6
Now the first and last line are balanced.
Well done!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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you are the best. i will make changes..thanks you much
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You're welcome :)
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its perfect now thank you
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is right down my alley. A beautiful piece of artwork, shown off by a just as lovely a poem, as I have had the pleasure to read in a long while. I love the title, which goes with the wonderful description of a splattered by rain, purple petaled ground floor covering of nature, in one of its finest displays. I just came from a benchside view of the bay, where I live in Northern California. Maybe this is why this presentation resonates so.
Thank you for the reminder of the joys of nature.
Jesse
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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This is right down my alley. A beautiful piece of artwork, shown off by a just as lovely a poem, as I have had the pleasure to read in a long while. I love the title, which goes with the wonderful description of a splattered by rain, purple petaled ground floor covering of nature, in one of its finest displays. I just came from a benchside view of the bay, where I live in Northern California. Maybe this is why this presentation resonates so.
Thank you for the reminder of the joys of nature.
Jesse
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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xoxo
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
A beautifully written Haiku expressing the joy of walking in the rain. Brings back memories of teenage years! Good luck! Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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A beautifully written Haiku expressing the joy of walking in the rain. Brings back memories of teenage years! Good luck! Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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thanks s.s..merry christmas to you too..xoxo
