Stick Magic
the miracle of little things17 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is amazing how inventive we can be crafting things for Christmas an the simplest of things can bring magic to a room. Your sonnet has a few meter issues in places, 'follow' and 'magically' just don't fit properly, but I enjoyed the sentiments, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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It is amazing how inventive we can be crafting things for Christmas an the simplest of things can bring magic to a room. Your sonnet has a few meter issues in places, 'follow' and 'magically' just don't fit properly, but I enjoyed the sentiments, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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thanks for your input, Dolly. will see about a revision.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sonnet about innovating a tree from sticks to make Christmas a cheerful event. We cannot always have everything that speaks of perfection. As long as our hearts are sincere.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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A very well-written sonnet about innovating a tree from sticks to make Christmas a cheerful event. We cannot always have everything that speaks of perfection. As long as our hearts are sincere.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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absolutely, Sandra. thanks.
Comment from Jeffrey Ford
I think that you wrote a very beautiful poem! It was very well written, and I didn't see any grammar errors. It is very heart warming how the young boy saved the sticks and fixed them up to become a Christmas Tree. I enjoyed the poem. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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I think that you wrote a very beautiful poem! It was very well written, and I didn't see any grammar errors. It is very heart warming how the young boy saved the sticks and fixed them up to become a Christmas Tree. I enjoyed the poem. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2020
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and thank you, Jeffrey, for your lovely comments! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Have now got to see if I can change some things that bothered some members. I like your review best! (smile)
Comment from T.E. Loper
This is a nicely flowing sonnet. I stumbled over what I think may be a misplaced comma in line 3. Otherwise, it reads smoothly and tells a loving story. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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This is a nicely flowing sonnet. I stumbled over what I think may be a misplaced comma in line 3. Otherwise, it reads smoothly and tells a loving story. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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thank you! If you meant the first comma - after "dashed," I deleted it.
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I have to admit, my grammar is weak! I'm not sure if there should be a comma after "dashed" or not. I'm inclined to say a comma should be used there. What I meant was the comma that's there now:
"Were dashed for they?d be ashes soon, that day
And not a plaything for a girl or boy."
Where the comma is now isn't a natural place to pause when I read the poem aloud. It seems to read better without the enjambment, as:
"Were dashed, for they?d be ashes soon that day,
And not a plaything for a girl or boy."
Comment from equestrik
What a clever builder this must have been! Good and ceative write here with a great picture to illustrate your writing.I enjoyed this very much-merry Christmas to you!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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What a clever builder this must have been! Good and ceative write here with a great picture to illustrate your writing.I enjoyed this very much-merry Christmas to you!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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thank you and same to you!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
A delightful Sonnet about how a boy wizard turned a pile of sticks into a Christmas Tree. Was that for real? It seems to read that way. The result is like magic.
"Turned sticks into a tree with tiny lights
Which twinkled in the cold on Christmas night."
Ralf
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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A delightful Sonnet about how a boy wizard turned a pile of sticks into a Christmas Tree. Was that for real? It seems to read that way. The result is like magic.
"Turned sticks into a tree with tiny lights
Which twinkled in the cold on Christmas night."
Ralf
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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well, ... somebody made it. (smile)
I bought it years ago in Colorado at a little gift shop and my friend and I drove back to TX with it in the back seat. I cannot image making it. I can't even count how many sticks are in it. But I love it. Added some colored lights (little battery powered ones after I took this picture. Looks better.
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Fantastic!
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thanks!!
Comment from lyenochka
What a great story! And there's a spiritual meaning for us because God uses all the humble things of the world to confound the proud. You created a lovely story in a sonnet. Best wishes in the contest!
For the sonnet form, I did not always hear the iambic meter as in:
"But as another day followed the last"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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What a great story! And there's a spiritual meaning for us because God uses all the humble things of the world to confound the proud. You created a lovely story in a sonnet. Best wishes in the contest!
For the sonnet form, I did not always hear the iambic meter as in:
"But as another day followed the last"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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I was thinking, "but as ano therday followed the last" - but maybe I'll change it. thanks for the heads up and for your nice comments!
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It's the stress of FOL lowed that didn't work for me. Both "day" and "fol" are stressed.
