Ophelia
A Fusion Sonnet for the Potlach Club50 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Breathtaking! Elegant and lyrical--stunning imagery--lovely alliteration--graceful flow--I can visualize the scene-- flaxen locks encircling her dead pallid face.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Breathtaking! Elegant and lyrical--stunning imagery--lovely alliteration--graceful flow--I can visualize the scene-- flaxen locks encircling her dead pallid face.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Liz. I appreciate your review and very kind comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from catch22
Hi Tony, this is a beautiful meditation on the demise of Ophelia in Hamlet. I like the interpretation of her suicide being an act of defiance and independence of her will. I also really liked the spirit of this pseudo sonnet. The last line felt a bit jarring for me in terms of sound, and the last stanza was weakened because you did not end it with images as strong as the prior sections. You might want to end this poem with an image related to the willow tree. Willow bark contains a pain reliever called salicylic acid, which is a precursor of aspirin. Maybe you can tie this factoid in with the idea that now Ophelia is no longer in pain in the afterlife? I don't know, but I would try to end the poem with concrete image rather than abstracts. Just my honest thoughts.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Hi Tony, this is a beautiful meditation on the demise of Ophelia in Hamlet. I like the interpretation of her suicide being an act of defiance and independence of her will. I also really liked the spirit of this pseudo sonnet. The last line felt a bit jarring for me in terms of sound, and the last stanza was weakened because you did not end it with images as strong as the prior sections. You might want to end this poem with an image related to the willow tree. Willow bark contains a pain reliever called salicylic acid, which is a precursor of aspirin. Maybe you can tie this factoid in with the idea that now Ophelia is no longer in pain in the afterlife? I don't know, but I would try to end the poem with concrete image rather than abstracts. Just my honest thoughts.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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You've raised some interesting ideas here, Pam. I've cut-and-pasted them in beside my drafts for this poem and will have another look in a week or two, with the benefit of a little distance. Thanks very much. Really appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork and
presentation, Tony.
-You did a good job
with this very complex form,
and basing it on Ophelia, too.
-You definitely got the negative
and pessimistic tone in the beginning.
-Very good rhetorical questions.
-You do a good job showing how
"she was driven to this tragic end at last."
-A very good concluding stanza with
a good volta and repeating line.
-I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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-Great artwork and
presentation, Tony.
-You did a good job
with this very complex form,
and basing it on Ophelia, too.
-You definitely got the negative
and pessimistic tone in the beginning.
-Very good rhetorical questions.
-You do a good job showing how
"she was driven to this tragic end at last."
-A very good concluding stanza with
a good volta and repeating line.
-I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Pam. I always look forward to your reviews. You cut in to expose the beating heart of the poem.
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You are very welcome, Tony, and thanks for this reply. It means a lot and I appreciate it very much.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Tfawcus,
MARVELOUS piece of poetry meeting all the required norms, impressive phraseology, smooth flow throughout from top to bottom, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Picture enhances its depth and beauty.
LAUDABLE Attempt!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Hello Tfawcus,
MARVELOUS piece of poetry meeting all the required norms, impressive phraseology, smooth flow throughout from top to bottom, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Picture enhances its depth and beauty.
LAUDABLE Attempt!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Thanks, RP. I appreciate your comments about this poem. I don't think a great deal of the Fusion Sonnet form, but it was good exercise for the grey cells trying to make something of it. All the best, Tony.
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Tony, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from dragonpoet
Tony,
You did well with this poem for the potlatch both in following the form and in your poetic retelling of the death of Ophelia in Hamlet. It tells the restrictions on females then and now.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a good weekend
Joan
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Tony,
You did well with this poem for the potlatch both in following the form and in your poetic retelling of the death of Ophelia in Hamlet. It tells the restrictions on females then and now.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a good weekend
Joan
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Joan. I appreciate your comments about this poem. I don't think a great deal of the Fusion Sonnet form, but it was good exercise for the grey cells trying to make something of it. All the best, Tony.
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You're welcome, Tony. I don't either. I don't see how they can call it a sonnet when it follows none of the rules.
You did a good job with yours, though.
Joan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I rarely give a six to a poem because, I don't completely understand the working of poetry only what I enjoy reading. This poem in my opinion is perfect. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I rarely give a six to a poem because, I don't completely understand the working of poetry only what I enjoy reading. This poem in my opinion is perfect. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate your six-star review and very kind comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
its great to read poetry that is translated from another poem. You can see the visions within each line bringing out the beauty, sadness, whatever you are trying to describe in your verses.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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its great to read poetry that is translated from another poem. You can see the visions within each line bringing out the beauty, sadness, whatever you are trying to describe in your verses.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Many thanks for your review, Rosemary. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think I'll leave the Fussion Sonnet to you, Tony, I haven't mastered the Shakespearean Sonnet yet, so I doubt I'd ever master this one. The words in your poem about Ophelia's suicide was quite revealing. I think most people have read about her life and subsequent suicide, but not until you wrote this did I consider her to be a 'suffragette' of her time. But, she was! This was really well written and a pleasure to read. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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I think I'll leave the Fussion Sonnet to you, Tony, I haven't mastered the Shakespearean Sonnet yet, so I doubt I'd ever master this one. The words in your poem about Ophelia's suicide was quite revealing. I think most people have read about her life and subsequent suicide, but not until you wrote this did I consider her to be a 'suffragette' of her time. But, she was! This was really well written and a pleasure to read. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra x
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Sandra. I appreciate your comments about this poem. I don't think a great deal of the Fusion Sonnet form, but it was good exercise for the grey cells trying to make something of it. I may have been stretching a point comparing Ophelia to the suffragettes! LOL All the best, Tony.
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
An excellent job with a complicated poetic structure! I like the way you've taken a traditional literary figure and contrasted her with the current state of the women's movement. "This tragic death asserted women's rights,
foreshadowed future struggles, future plights of troth, with women no longer bonded to obey."
Well done and thank you for sharing!
Sue
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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An excellent job with a complicated poetic structure! I like the way you've taken a traditional literary figure and contrasted her with the current state of the women's movement. "This tragic death asserted women's rights,
foreshadowed future struggles, future plights of troth, with women no longer bonded to obey."
Well done and thank you for sharing!
Sue
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thanks, Susan. I appreciate your review and kind comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from karenina
I'm speechless! The rules are enough to bring on a migraine...but the sonnet you have presented is all things ethereal, full of shadows with whispers of luminescent light peaking through... A joy to read for the sheer love of poetry (and I've done so, three times!)-- I am mesmerized by the intricacy of the Fusion Sonnet... I just know the frisson of good poetry when I read it...and I've read it here!--Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I'm speechless! The rules are enough to bring on a migraine...but the sonnet you have presented is all things ethereal, full of shadows with whispers of luminescent light peaking through... A joy to read for the sheer love of poetry (and I've done so, three times!)-- I am mesmerized by the intricacy of the Fusion Sonnet... I just know the frisson of good poetry when I read it...and I've read it here!--Karenina
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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What a lovely, heart-warming review, Karenina. So much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
