Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Pumping Awkward"Flash Fiction
13 total reviews
Comment from sammielwf
Okay Mr. King of Awkward anatomical moments!
That story- literally took us on a journey that well- might have a slightly downward turn. With you resigning from your job ):
I can not imagine that moment for either one of you-
Dare I ask- what line work are you in now?
Sammielwf
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Okay Mr. King of Awkward anatomical moments!
That story- literally took us on a journey that well- might have a slightly downward turn. With you resigning from your job ):
I can not imagine that moment for either one of you-
Dare I ask- what line work are you in now?
Sammielwf
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Hahaha Sammie. Thank you!
I'm actually still in sales :) I specialize in Radiological imaging for women's health, breast cancer, ultrasound, etc.
Comment from Vanna1
Your story was so funny. The best in my opinion. How awkward for the both of you in that moment. That sounds like a good job to make your esteem sky rocket. What strange things we need to keep partners happy. No wonder woman went to doctors in the past century to fulfill their needs. Men didn't have all the tools yet.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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Your story was so funny. The best in my opinion. How awkward for the both of you in that moment. That sounds like a good job to make your esteem sky rocket. What strange things we need to keep partners happy. No wonder woman went to doctors in the past century to fulfill their needs. Men didn't have all the tools yet.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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Hahaha thank you so much! That's so sweet of you to say. Thank you :)
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gregory--Congrats on your prize for this Hugely impressive offering. Promote yourself! You need to Release it again and again; Pump it High so that it will Rise to the top of the Up-for-Grabs roster. The Larger the CumPenisation, the greater the Potent-ial interest in your magnificent Piece. Don't let yourself get Shafted by the Dicks who want to Screw you. They Get Off by Fiddling with the system; they love to Play With it. Aim for an All-Time-Best award, all-Beat with all the jerking around it is Hard to Come by.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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Gregory--Congrats on your prize for this Hugely impressive offering. Promote yourself! You need to Release it again and again; Pump it High so that it will Rise to the top of the Up-for-Grabs roster. The Larger the CumPenisation, the greater the Potent-ial interest in your magnificent Piece. Don't let yourself get Shafted by the Dicks who want to Screw you. They Get Off by Fiddling with the system; they love to Play With it. Aim for an All-Time-Best award, all-Beat with all the jerking around it is Hard to Come by.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2020
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HAHAHA that's great. I Love meeting new people here and those that Actually review! Thank you so much :)
Comment from Bill Schott
Ha ha ha!! That was seriously funny. What a hoot. The poor custodian. I guess it could have been worse and he engaged you in conversation.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Ha ha ha!! That was seriously funny. What a hoot. The poor custodian. I guess it could have been worse and he engaged you in conversation.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
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Hahaha TRUE!! I didn't think of that. Thank you so much for reading my friend...
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is hilarious on the face of it, but so well told. There are some gems of writing here: " ...but somehow that sounded worse." and, "...asking men questions I didn't want the answers to."
The only thing I'd consider changing is the reference to the African American male. Its such a cliche that the janitor is a Black man, when skin colour really has to relevance to the story.
Other than that, well done!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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This is hilarious on the face of it, but so well told. There are some gems of writing here: " ...but somehow that sounded worse." and, "...asking men questions I didn't want the answers to."
The only thing I'd consider changing is the reference to the African American male. Its such a cliche that the janitor is a Black man, when skin colour really has to relevance to the story.
Other than that, well done!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Ooh you might be right! I was just sticking to how it actually happened. I'm going to change it!
Thank you!!
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a classic example of the invisible joke, and very funny it is too. Do you happen to know whether the janitor actually underwent any needless elective surgery during his daily rounds?
There was a joke within the joke I noticed earlier when you produced the classic run-on sentence here: 'These touched upon a variety of topics but we stuck pretty closely to the gentlemen's penis that sat naked before me.'
The gentleman or his penis? It did occur to me that the run-on effect might have been intentional here.
You seem to have enjoyed a 'portfolio career' Greg!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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This is a classic example of the invisible joke, and very funny it is too. Do you happen to know whether the janitor actually underwent any needless elective surgery during his daily rounds?
There was a joke within the joke I noticed earlier when you produced the classic run-on sentence here: 'These touched upon a variety of topics but we stuck pretty closely to the gentlemen's penis that sat naked before me.'
The gentleman or his penis? It did occur to me that the run-on effect might have been intentional here.
You seem to have enjoyed a 'portfolio career' Greg!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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You got the run on joke!! Thank you that's my favorite line haha. Truly thank you for reading :)
It was an unusual job hahaha
Comment from Mastery
Hi Greg. Long time no see. Wow! what made you come back to FS after such a long time? I give you credit for exposing yourself to the membership in such an open manner. I admire you for that and wish you the best of luck in the contest. Stay in touch. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hi Greg. Long time no see. Wow! what made you come back to FS after such a long time? I give you credit for exposing yourself to the membership in such an open manner. I admire you for that and wish you the best of luck in the contest. Stay in touch. Bob
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hi my friend! Thank you for reading this! It has been a while, just busy with our little kids :)
And thank you for appreciating my open manner, etc.
I will start coming back on, especially to get back to your work!
Have a great day my friend, thank you so much...
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Hi Greg.. I am so glad to hear from you with a special note.
Would you mind doing a big favor for me? I need a couple more sixes for my latest post called "The Assault." I would appreciate it if you can find time. Bless you and those kids. Bob
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You got it! :)
Comment from L. Kalere
OMG if this is true it's hilarious. It's not always easy to tell a humorous story and get a laugh, but you did it. Very well written narrative.
One observation: in the 3rd sentence perhaps change "see through" to see-through (which means clear). I tripped over the sentence a couple of times before getting the meaning.
Just sayin'.....
Linda
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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OMG if this is true it's hilarious. It's not always easy to tell a humorous story and get a laugh, but you did it. Very well written narrative.
One observation: in the 3rd sentence perhaps change "see through" to see-through (which means clear). I tripped over the sentence a couple of times before getting the meaning.
Just sayin'.....
Linda
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Hi Linda! Thank you so much for reading. Yes is true :)
Btw I changed it to see -through. You're totally right thank you :)
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Glad to help.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Cody, LMBO sweet guy...so good to see you my sweet friend...
Welllllll...here it goes...when I first looked at the picture...I thought...I don't think it's tire pump...
and then I thought maybe some kind of beater/blender...but an old version...sooooo I decided to start reading reading...
after I read the first line...I thought...well...it's a beater alright...just not the kind I was thinking...shows you where my mind was...in the kitchen...I thought being a bouncer had it's moments...I can't even imagine what yours were like...I totally would've had to pass on this job...LOL...
but truly though...everyone has their needs in life...personal or whatever...and that should be respected... your story is well written you...and I would like to say your picture says it all...but I truly didn't have a clue...I'm such a prude...hmmmmm...Love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hi Cody, LMBO sweet guy...so good to see you my sweet friend...
Welllllll...here it goes...when I first looked at the picture...I thought...I don't think it's tire pump...
and then I thought maybe some kind of beater/blender...but an old version...sooooo I decided to start reading reading...
after I read the first line...I thought...well...it's a beater alright...just not the kind I was thinking...shows you where my mind was...in the kitchen...I thought being a bouncer had it's moments...I can't even imagine what yours were like...I totally would've had to pass on this job...LOL...
but truly though...everyone has their needs in life...personal or whatever...and that should be respected... your story is well written you...and I would like to say your picture says it all...but I truly didn't have a clue...I'm such a prude...hmmmmm...Love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hahahaha what a great review Linda thank you!! Really thank you for taking the time. I'm glad you liked it. And hahaha yes those pumps exist. It was a WEIRD job hahaha.
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LOL...you aren't kidding ...yes it was...
good to see you again my friend...and you are so welcome...love xxoo
Comment from visionary1234
Hahaha!! All the angst really had me going for a while!!! Where could u possibly be going with this, I thought ... which reminds me - maybe a good idea to put your thoughts in this piece in italics??? But love it love it love it as a fine piece of flash!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hahaha!! All the angst really had me going for a while!!! Where could u possibly be going with this, I thought ... which reminds me - maybe a good idea to put your thoughts in this piece in italics??? But love it love it love it as a fine piece of flash!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thank you!! You gave me a six! I appreciate that ;)
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Well earned!
