THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Murder Mystery"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
5 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
Hopefully they will be able to figure it out soon. The car sounds familiar, but I can't remember who it belongs to. Guess it doesn't matter. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting, realistic. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Hopefully they will be able to figure it out soon. The car sounds familiar, but I can't remember who it belongs to. Guess it doesn't matter. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting, realistic. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Mistydawn :)
I appreciate your feedback and awesome review :) Yes, the two detectives have their work cut out working alongside the Breedline. The murder mystery continues to keep them on their toes.
Stay sage & big hug!
Shana :)
Comment from Jay Squires
There was something about Kevin Russo's murder [This begins with a huge paragraph, Shana. I humbly suggest you break it down into more palatable chunks. You know how readers judge whether or not they are going to read something based on white space.
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, Shana. It amazes me how much your writing has improved over the 2 years I've been away. (Wait! Don't tell me my absence what just what you needed.)
Here are a few catches.
The Breedline species had their own laws and a Covenant residing in each state. [Consider: "The Breedline species had, in each state, their own laws and a covenant." That way your words don't imply that the laws and covenants are in each state, though not necessarily the Breedlines.]
Now, him and his partner, Frank Perkins [Now HE and his partner ...]
It had been the main reason he'd chose a career [... the main reason he'd CHOSEN a career...]
which in turn kept the city safer by illuminating rapist and killers, [Do you mean eliminating?]
Keep up the great writing!
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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There was something about Kevin Russo's murder [This begins with a huge paragraph, Shana. I humbly suggest you break it down into more palatable chunks. You know how readers judge whether or not they are going to read something based on white space.
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, Shana. It amazes me how much your writing has improved over the 2 years I've been away. (Wait! Don't tell me my absence what just what you needed.)
Here are a few catches.
The Breedline species had their own laws and a Covenant residing in each state. [Consider: "The Breedline species had, in each state, their own laws and a covenant." That way your words don't imply that the laws and covenants are in each state, though not necessarily the Breedlines.]
Now, him and his partner, Frank Perkins [Now HE and his partner ...]
It had been the main reason he'd chose a career [... the main reason he'd CHOSEN a career...]
which in turn kept the city safer by illuminating rapist and killers, [Do you mean eliminating?]
Keep up the great writing!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Jay :)
You are such a big help my friend! I'm so happy to hear your thoughts on my improvements. Everyone here on Fanstory, including you, have been a great help. I will always continue to learn.
You're awesome! I will make the suggested changes.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
Beautifully written again Shana. They've not quite twigged that Joseph, the guy dating Carrie, is the Shadow, but I'm pretty sure they will, but for the moment, it might have to bash them on the head before they believe. They discuss the spoilt brat syndrome, and the "young" man who cut them off doesn't know how fortunate he is. Another superb post dear Shane, good job, blessings Roy
Grammatical error, (him and his partner) HE and his partner.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Beautifully written again Shana. They've not quite twigged that Joseph, the guy dating Carrie, is the Shadow, but I'm pretty sure they will, but for the moment, it might have to bash them on the head before they believe. They discuss the spoilt brat syndrome, and the "young" man who cut them off doesn't know how fortunate he is. Another superb post dear Shane, good job, blessings Roy
Grammatical error, (him and his partner) HE and his partner.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Roy :)
I sure appreciate your feedback, support and helpful advice. Thanks for catching my mistake. It's always a learning process. Thankfully I have friends like you who catch them.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Well done
Comment from fm wright
First of all, love the ending. I like the way it leaves you on the edge of your seat in expectation. Also like the background highlights about previous chapters. You worked them in very well. The pictures do nicely in giving a clue as to what the chapter is centered on. Good job, all around. I detectected nothing in the way of errors.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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First of all, love the ending. I like the way it leaves you on the edge of your seat in expectation. Also like the background highlights about previous chapters. You worked them in very well. The pictures do nicely in giving a clue as to what the chapter is centered on. Good job, all around. I detectected nothing in the way of errors.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Faye :)
I do appreciate your encouraging feedback. You have been an inspiring friend here. I always look forward to hearing what you think about my chapters.
Thanks so much! Glad you liked the pictures. I was hoping they would be eye catching.
Hugs,
Shana :)
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Yes, your pictures definitely caught my eye. You have a way with matching the right pictures to your chapters storyline.
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Thanks! :)
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You're welcome! :)
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is an interesting story, with some unique concepts such as Breedline, and an array of unusual characters such as Jena McCain, who can contact the dead. It is a suspenseful murder mystery, and I am sure more will be revealed in the coming chapters.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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This is an interesting story, with some unique concepts such as Breedline, and an array of unusual characters such as Jena McCain, who can contact the dead. It is a suspenseful murder mystery, and I am sure more will be revealed in the coming chapters.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Susan :)
So thrilled to hear from new readers. I'm glad you enjoyed. Things with the two detectives and the Breedline are definitely heating up with the mysterious murder. Much more to come.
Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
