Betrayed By Her Body
Punishment for a physical life.13 total reviews
Comment from sammielwf
Betrayal...
Why you naughty...sexy once.....elderly Queen....with the power to command a man if she doth choose!
But......
The physical passage of time and all the sagging and creaking and chin hair growth does take away from all the fun that came before.
Oh yes dear Queen- I hear you and I am empathetic to your cause...and the time of life in which you find yourself...
Alas..... dear Queen- there is no remedy for this- unless your court sorcerer has a magic beauty potion up his sleeve.
Baring that miracle- you must sit upon your throne and "weight" for the end of your reign.
I loved this tongue in cheek (and other body parts) poetic write. Well constructed and well received by this writer.
Sammielwf
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Betrayal...
Why you naughty...sexy once.....elderly Queen....with the power to command a man if she doth choose!
But......
The physical passage of time and all the sagging and creaking and chin hair growth does take away from all the fun that came before.
Oh yes dear Queen- I hear you and I am empathetic to your cause...and the time of life in which you find yourself...
Alas..... dear Queen- there is no remedy for this- unless your court sorcerer has a magic beauty potion up his sleeve.
Baring that miracle- you must sit upon your throne and "weight" for the end of your reign.
I loved this tongue in cheek (and other body parts) poetic write. Well constructed and well received by this writer.
Sammielwf
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Interesting that you mention the court sorcerer... "he" is a "she". The magic potion isn't kept up his sleeve. I live in hope it will change me for the better.
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Okay. Now I am really intrigued.
Sammielwf
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Heh heh... as all good stories should keep the reader.
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Definitely NOT FAIR- but I will accept the Queens right to make this edict!
Comment from equestrik
I like this take on the theme of betrayal. The older I get the more I can definitely identify with this betrayal of the body. I have these conversations with mine regularly.
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I like this take on the theme of betrayal. The older I get the more I can definitely identify with this betrayal of the body. I have these conversations with mine regularly.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
To have power does not always bring good to the throne. This lady/man evidently was corrupt and did bad things. Her mighty body and hand turned cold even tho her heart was hot.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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To have power does not always bring good to the throne. This lady/man evidently was corrupt and did bad things. Her mighty body and hand turned cold even tho her heart was hot.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Corruption of the soul seems to have had consequences for this evil person. Good!
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from lancellot
Betrayed by time or food or poor habits, or neither. This was an interesting story in poetic form. That is one hard queen and it is only befitting one so cruel to be trapped in an unwanted and unflattering body, but still have those old sexual desires.
Good entry.
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Betrayed by time or food or poor habits, or neither. This was an interesting story in poetic form. That is one hard queen and it is only befitting one so cruel to be trapped in an unwanted and unflattering body, but still have those old sexual desires.
Good entry.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Robert D Buechner
Excellent. I laughed hard during this one. Just remember that a good sense of humor and well written poetry are the keys to the heart! Bravo. Keep up the great work.
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Excellent. I laughed hard during this one. Just remember that a good sense of humor and well written poetry are the keys to the heart! Bravo. Keep up the great work.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed the fun take on the contest challenge. It can really feel like a betrayal as our bodies change so much during the course of normal aging. Best wishes in the contest!
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Enjoyed the fun take on the contest challenge. It can really feel like a betrayal as our bodies change so much during the course of normal aging. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We age and gain weight and don't like what we see, but true love is about a connection in the heart and soul and as we get older it is less likely to be about physical attraction and more about being attracted to someone's sweet and caring personality. Your poem is full of emotion, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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We age and gain weight and don't like what we see, but true love is about a connection in the heart and soul and as we get older it is less likely to be about physical attraction and more about being attracted to someone's sweet and caring personality. Your poem is full of emotion, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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You are so right. Trouble-free companionship with a considerate person would be nice to have.
Comment from Jan Perry
Almost ABAB rhyming but inconsistent. There is a stoic rhythm here contained into an intricate woven pattern. Not clear as to why you lost your attraction from men. Are men becoming too fussy nowadays, or in those days?
Double and triple rhyming is throughout. The King doesn't satisfy the Queen so it's off with his head. If it's good enough for King Henry then why not her? Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Almost ABAB rhyming but inconsistent. There is a stoic rhythm here contained into an intricate woven pattern. Not clear as to why you lost your attraction from men. Are men becoming too fussy nowadays, or in those days?
Double and triple rhyming is throughout. The King doesn't satisfy the Queen so it's off with his head. If it's good enough for King Henry then why not her? Well done.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thanks for your wonderful review. Interestingly enough, I did have King Henry in mind when I wrote this!
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
You walk the line of comedy and tragedy so well. There's a dark and biting wit to this piece that made me both laugh out loud and feel great empathy for your heroine. It's real, raw and relatable. Love your rhymes!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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You walk the line of comedy and tragedy so well. There's a dark and biting wit to this piece that made me both laugh out loud and feel great empathy for your heroine. It's real, raw and relatable. Love your rhymes!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thanks for your terrific review... I love how you described my poem.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Wry self-deprecating humor--very amusing--clever phrasing and impressive multiple rhymes. (Which head did you lop off?)
that really should't [SHOULDN'T] be there.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Wry self-deprecating humor--very amusing--clever phrasing and impressive multiple rhymes. (Which head did you lop off?)
that really should't [SHOULDN'T] be there.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thanks for your review... and typical naughty comment.
Good catch, too - thanks for spotting that.
