Church Children
A story in the form of a poem29 total reviews
Comment from Anne Johnston
As a former preacher's kid, I can appreciate your poem. But I am sure, like me, you are glad that you were in church as a child. Your last stanza sums it up very well. Well written, flows smoothly and tells a great story.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2020
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As a former preacher's kid, I can appreciate your poem. But I am sure, like me, you are glad that you were in church as a child. Your last stanza sums it up very well. Well written, flows smoothly and tells a great story.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2020
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Hi Anne, I'm so glad you took time to read my poem. I grew up in the church and remained, along with my two sisters. One sister became a choir director. The other sister was a soloist, and with studying piano for many years, I became a church musician. All thanks to mom and the grace of God. Thanks for your encouraging review.
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All of my family grew up to serve the Lord, both my brothers were ministers, one sister was a missionary for many years, the other one has been active in church, and I have been serving in some capacity or other for all of my life.
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I'm so glad to meet another sister in Christ. With all of the turmoil the world is experiencing right now, it's good to know people who rest in peace and joy in the Lord.
Comment from AnnieDawn
This certainly depicts what happens in the church these days and maybe that is why so many do not attend when grown. The real faith has not sunk in and all they have gotten is what has happened around them. We are the examples and sadly we fail them. Great job on this poem.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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This certainly depicts what happens in the church these days and maybe that is why so many do not attend when grown. The real faith has not sunk in and all they have gotten is what has happened around them. We are the examples and sadly we fail them. Great job on this poem.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your comments and review. I agree. At an early age, some people become disenchanted with church. Modern congregations are made up of older and elderly congregants. I appreciate your reading my poem.
Comment from Robert D Buechner
This poem was hilarious and an absolute delight to read. I could see the congregation in my mind as you described it. And how dare Mrs. Biggs fall asleep!
Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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This poem was hilarious and an absolute delight to read. I could see the congregation in my mind as you described it. And how dare Mrs. Biggs fall asleep!
Well done.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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LOL! I am so glad you found the humor in this story put in poetic form. Thank you for your sincere comments and review.
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This poem is indeed a humor poem. It describes how children feel when they are forced to go to church. Yet it is a good thing for them to learn how life may be. It may not always be as nice as they like them to be.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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This poem is indeed a humor poem. It describes how children feel when they are forced to go to church. Yet it is a good thing for them to learn how life may be. It may not always be as nice as they like them to be.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you for stopping by to read my poem. I tried to incorporate some of the funny things I observed as a church-goer. I appreciate your review and comments. Thanks again.
Comment from palmart
Great Story in a poem!! Nice combination! It reflects what children feel for "not having same freedom as adults do". It is a brand new point of view of "what rules state" as a way to behave in Church while in mass. Recognition is a well deserved distinction. Good Job!
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Great Story in a poem!! Nice combination! It reflects what children feel for "not having same freedom as adults do". It is a brand new point of view of "what rules state" as a way to behave in Church while in mass. Recognition is a well deserved distinction. Good Job!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for you encouraging comments and review. You really understood my message in the poem. I appreciate the "Exceptional" evaluation you gave this work. Thanks again.
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You´re very welcome, Lorraine!!
I love your multicolour flower! Very original!!
Have a great week!
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Lorraine, I think this poem makes a wonderful story, and it will be a real contribution to collections about children being made to 'really behave in church,' when all around them, others did as they pleased.
The only suggestion I could make to improve this poem is to remove your Author's notes bec The only suggestion I could make to improve this poem is to remove your authors notes because they only duplicate the text of the poem.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Dear Lorraine, I think this poem makes a wonderful story, and it will be a real contribution to collections about children being made to 'really behave in church,' when all around them, others did as they pleased.
The only suggestion I could make to improve this poem is to remove your Author's notes bec The only suggestion I could make to improve this poem is to remove your authors notes because they only duplicate the text of the poem.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Hi Suzanna, Thank you for your encouraging review and comments. I like your suggestion to remove the authors notes. They were an after thought because I thought the poem was not clear enough. I'm glad to know you feel the notes are a duplication. I appreciate your observation.
Comment from Hopeful2
Your poem does a good job of meeting the humor requirement and of recalling your childhood memories of being in church much longer than you wanted to be.
There are times the meter and rhyme break down a bit, but overall the effect is a fun story.
I was a little confused by the third-last stanza, why they would stay at home and play with toys if they were grown up--maybe I misread it? Thanks for sharing this memory of yours, and good luck in your writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Your poem does a good job of meeting the humor requirement and of recalling your childhood memories of being in church much longer than you wanted to be.
There are times the meter and rhyme break down a bit, but overall the effect is a fun story.
I was a little confused by the third-last stanza, why they would stay at home and play with toys if they were grown up--maybe I misread it? Thanks for sharing this memory of yours, and good luck in your writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Hi Hopeful2,
I truly appreciate your encouraging comments and review, especially coming from an experienced poet like yourself. Your suggestions will help me learn and grow on FanStory. Thanks again.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, how hard for you and your sisters! I remember I always had mints for my kids when they had to sit through the grown-up church. And the bulletins were always used to draw - I even drew along my notes.
I like the gentle way you show how the little ones could observe and see that the grown-ups couldn't keep to your mom's high standards of church behavior.
Great story poem and I hope you do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Oh, how hard for you and your sisters! I remember I always had mints for my kids when they had to sit through the grown-up church. And the bulletins were always used to draw - I even drew along my notes.
I like the gentle way you show how the little ones could observe and see that the grown-ups couldn't keep to your mom's high standards of church behavior.
Great story poem and I hope you do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your encouraging comments and review. When my daughter was a child, I used the church bulletins for drawing also. I didn't use mints because the wrappers would make noise. Thanks for reading my poem.
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I know! Those crinkly plastic ones were noisy. Lifesavers' paper rolls weren't as bad. 😊 Thanks for the memories!
Comment from robyn corum
Lorraine,
Yes, this was easily understandable - but I think you could have taken it farther - like to maybe even when you grew up -- did those lessons ever stick? What do you find yourself doing now in services? Watching your own kids? I'd be interested in learning more.
Thanks!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Lorraine,
Yes, this was easily understandable - but I think you could have taken it farther - like to maybe even when you grew up -- did those lessons ever stick? What do you find yourself doing now in services? Watching your own kids? I'd be interested in learning more.
Thanks!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Hi Robyn,
Thank you so much for your review. My future writing will reveal that I am a church musician. My sister is a choir director, and my youngest sister is a contralto soloist. If Mother could see us now, she would be proud. Amazing stories will follow.
Comment from greyson ernst
i really like it i have no suggestions i may have just joined fanstory and i love it. i hope you keep righting good luck and keep righting and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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i really like it i have no suggestions i may have just joined fanstory and i love it. i hope you keep righting good luck and keep righting and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Hi Greyson,
Welcome to FanStory. I posted my first piece last month and I can tell you, you are going to have fun here. Thank you for your review and comments on my work. I really appreciate your review and stars.
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no problem would you mind leaving a review on Christmas acrostic and or mountain acrostic
