Stretching Beyond Our Handicaps
The choice is ours28 total reviews
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Jesse,
Not certain how I missed your well-crafted offering. But I just checked the date you posted, and I believe I was up to my eyeballs in pumpkin pies!
Your poem is insightful and begs the reader to read each line carefully.
That is the sign of excellent poetry.
I especially like the phrase "the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar."
Beautiful and moving.
Thank you!
diane
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Hello Jesse,
Not certain how I missed your well-crafted offering. But I just checked the date you posted, and I believe I was up to my eyeballs in pumpkin pies!
Your poem is insightful and begs the reader to read each line carefully.
That is the sign of excellent poetry.
I especially like the phrase "the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar."
Beautiful and moving.
Thank you!
diane
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Hello Diane.
Thank you so much for this wonderful in-depth review. I was hoping readers would take the time to think about what I wrote, and I am happy that you did and said such kind comments about it. It gladdens me to see that you as well as others liked the ending line. I hope you had a joyous Thanksgiving and will continue the festivities all the way into the new year.
You have made my day with this super-review.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from Janet Foor
An amazing piece of art to post with this very well-written and heartfelt poem. The imagery in your lines is excellent. You are so right, the choice is ours. Very nicely done Jesse
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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An amazing piece of art to post with this very well-written and heartfelt poem. The imagery in your lines is excellent. You are so right, the choice is ours. Very nicely done Jesse
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Janet, for this lovely positive review, where you point out its strong points, and emphasize the message, agreeing that 'the choice is ours.' It most certainly is. Thank you for your kind comments. Have a blessed Christmas season!
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from greyson ernst
i really like it i have no suggestions i may have just joined fanstory and i love it. i hope you keep righting good luck and keep righting and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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i really like it i have no suggestions i may have just joined fanstory and i love it. i hope you keep righting good luck and keep righting and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Greyson, for your upbeat review. Welcome to Fan Story, and I wish you good luck, as well. Writing is my life's blood, and I will continue to write as long as I am able. Have a wonderful holiday season.
Jesse
Comment from Patricia Cammish
Your photo is immediately attractive and intriguing.
I love your opening sentence which sets out the meaning behind the poem and refers to our marine origins.
I might question your use of the word aqua-marine, which usually refers to a beautiful colour, when perhaps in this section of the poem 'marine' would suffice and also make the line read more easily.
You have a very effective conclusion. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Your photo is immediately attractive and intriguing.
I love your opening sentence which sets out the meaning behind the poem and refers to our marine origins.
I might question your use of the word aqua-marine, which usually refers to a beautiful colour, when perhaps in this section of the poem 'marine' would suffice and also make the line read more easily.
You have a very effective conclusion. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Patricia, for your in-depth review, where you point out the lines which speak to you. I love that you 'get' the idea of our 'marine origins.' I appreciate your comment and suggestion on the choice of the phrase, "aqua-marine," and will take it under advisement and give it due consideration. Thank you for your frankness. I also appreciate your very kind view of the conclusion to my piece. This is a great and thoughtful review, and I value your input. Have a lovely holiday season.
Take care,
Jesse
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Thank you so much for this and your nomination. I feel there is such a delicate path to tread in reviewing people?s work . Good to have feedback
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Yes, I agree. I take the job of reviewer seriously and am aware of the delicate balancing act we all must do in order to be helpful, and also encouraging of each others' work. You did an excellent job. Thank you so much for being willing to 'go there.'
Jesse
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You?re very welcome
Comment from Arti15
I love the last line, what a brilliant way to leave it! Dolphins are one of my favourite, magical creatures and I appreciate the image with the poem.
I also believe it's a great poem that relates strongly to sustainability and doing what we can for our environment, but it's not written in a typical jarring way - the last line truly brings the message home!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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I love the last line, what a brilliant way to leave it! Dolphins are one of my favourite, magical creatures and I appreciate the image with the poem.
I also believe it's a great poem that relates strongly to sustainability and doing what we can for our environment, but it's not written in a typical jarring way - the last line truly brings the message home!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for this enthusiastic review, with your emphasis on the last line and how it resonated with you. It is helpful to know the parts that get the message across the most. I love your use of the word, 'sustainability.' That says it in a nutshell. I am so glad you appreciate the picture of the dolphins. They are one of my favorite species, as well. Thank you for your kindness and caring for our environment. Enjoy your holiday season.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from AnnieDawn
I appreciate your expression in free form poetry. I am not able to do that. I am envious of those who can write without having to rhyme...lol The picture you chose to compliment your post is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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I appreciate your expression in free form poetry. I am not able to do that. I am envious of those who can write without having to rhyme...lol The picture you chose to compliment your post is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you, AnnieDawn, for your honest admission of finding it hard to write free form poetry. I encourage you to not give up. It takes practice and being willing to bend the rules, we as writers/poets all have in place in our mindsets. I appreciate your kind comments, including your approval of the choice of the picture. Have a wonderful holiday season.
Jesse
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Jesse.
-A well written poem
with effective imagery and rhyme.
-I like how you use the dolphins
to show how they could
"rise above
what once was possible."
-The concluding lines are
very good, too, as we
hear "the ocean roar."
-Well done. Have a good day
and upcoming weekend.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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-Very nice image, Jesse.
-A well written poem
with effective imagery and rhyme.
-I like how you use the dolphins
to show how they could
"rise above
what once was possible."
-The concluding lines are
very good, too, as we
hear "the ocean roar."
-Well done. Have a good day
and upcoming weekend.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Hello Pam.
Thank you for this in-depth and positive review. I appreciate your examples of the lines, images, and rhymes that you thought worked well in communicating the message. I am happy you liked the concluding lines. Many others agreed that they liked the conclusion. That is always helpful to know what works best for readers. Have a wonderful holiday season.
Take care,
Jesse
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You are very welcome, Jesse, and I appreciate your reply. You have a great holiday season, too!
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Thanks, Pam. It's good to hear from you. I hope you are well and staying safe.
Jesse
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You are welcome, Jesse, and it's nice to see you on FS, too. We are doing well, and hope you are, too.
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I am hanging in there so well, that for the most part, I feel better than I have ever felt before. Adversity builds strength and can help build a more positive self-image. I am a testament to that.
Jesse
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It all sounds good, Jesse, and you deserve it.
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Thanks, Pam.
Have a great day.
Jesse
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You, too, Jesse.
Comment from RGstar
The first part of this is beautifully poetic, and no giveaway to the path it was taking, and then came the seriousness of the message. And...though poems should not teach, they inform as to the view and direction of one, but how it can apply to the many.
Bravo.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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The first part of this is beautifully poetic, and no giveaway to the path it was taking, and then came the seriousness of the message. And...though poems should not teach, they inform as to the view and direction of one, but how it can apply to the many.
Bravo.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 27-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Thank you, RG, for this cherished and highly valued exceptional rating from one whose poetry is so revered, polished, and professionally done. I appreciate your kind and insightful comments, as you make a great point about a poem not teaching. I sincerely hope I haven't stepped over that line. It is a fine line, and one, I agree, needs to always be considered when writing poetry. I cherish this marvelous review. Have a beautiful weekend.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from karenina
I can sense a growing awareness within you. Your metaphors are rich and deep and meaningful. You have expanded your world view and most importantly, you are not looking at the world as once you did when I first read your work, from the outside in! No! This is the new and improved Jesse James Doty who is looking at some internal mirror and suddenly, inexplicably, seeing all of the strengths that were always there, waiting for you to claim ownership! A poem of triumph and victory! Not only for yourself (although that would be miracle enough!)--NO! This new Jesse James Doty sees not only is he capable, he is unstoppable...and he is a citizen of the earth, and as such, can extend his healing view not only to himself but to the world we live in! You've had those wings all along my friend! How does it feel to FLY!?--Karenina
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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I can sense a growing awareness within you. Your metaphors are rich and deep and meaningful. You have expanded your world view and most importantly, you are not looking at the world as once you did when I first read your work, from the outside in! No! This is the new and improved Jesse James Doty who is looking at some internal mirror and suddenly, inexplicably, seeing all of the strengths that were always there, waiting for you to claim ownership! A poem of triumph and victory! Not only for yourself (although that would be miracle enough!)--NO! This new Jesse James Doty sees not only is he capable, he is unstoppable...and he is a citizen of the earth, and as such, can extend his healing view not only to himself but to the world we live in! You've had those wings all along my friend! How does it feel to FLY!?--Karenina
Comment Written 26-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Wow. Thank you much for your recognition of my hard-earned growth, which continues daily. I also love and value your reflections on my chosen path of enlightenment through sheer determination. I find that no matter what the situation is, I need to be proactive in achieving successful transactions to benefit, not only me but, my world view, as well. My favorite bumper sticker says the two words that speak volumes to me, and for me. "Begin within." I am considering buying it and placing it on one of my walls as a self-affirmation. And, it feels great to fly! Thank you for this special exceptional rating and review. Have a wonderful weekend.
Take care,
Jesse
Comment from rama devi
VERY relevant write since the climate crisis is becoming extreme...
Great title - which highlights that everyone has handicapped, whether they know it or not!
I love the gill image and these lines:
An amphibious being
embraces unique ways to rise above
what once was possible,
to become a sentient part of us.
The message is timely, relevant and powerful. Very creative and original write. I love it!
Also, applause for all artistic alliteraiton, like E, D, O and I here, coupled with consonance of S, P L and M:
Encouraging crusaders of like-minded individuals,
equipped, in an aqua-marine environment,
to dispel plastics or other toxins
that add to the destruction of our organic planet.
The choice is ours to grow past our handicaps.
The last two lines make a compelling ending note:
Touching down on the bottom seafloor,
we can regain the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar.
It strikes me that they would be even more potent if separated by a line break.
A few line break 'breaths' would augment the dramatic delivery of this poem, though the voicing works well with no line breaks if you prefer that. Example:
Stretching beyond a myopic view,
amid resurfacing gills
where our lungs once grew.
An amphibious being
embraces unique ways to rise above
what once was possible,
to become a sentient part of us.
Encouraging crusaders of like-minded individuals,
equipped, in an aqua-marine environment,
to dispel plastics or other toxins
that add to the destruction of our organic planet.
The choice is ours to grow past our handicaps.
Touching down on the bottom seafloor,
we can regain the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar.
Love the tenor, tone and theme of this. Well done.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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VERY relevant write since the climate crisis is becoming extreme...
Great title - which highlights that everyone has handicapped, whether they know it or not!
I love the gill image and these lines:
An amphibious being
embraces unique ways to rise above
what once was possible,
to become a sentient part of us.
The message is timely, relevant and powerful. Very creative and original write. I love it!
Also, applause for all artistic alliteraiton, like E, D, O and I here, coupled with consonance of S, P L and M:
Encouraging crusaders of like-minded individuals,
equipped, in an aqua-marine environment,
to dispel plastics or other toxins
that add to the destruction of our organic planet.
The choice is ours to grow past our handicaps.
The last two lines make a compelling ending note:
Touching down on the bottom seafloor,
we can regain the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar.
It strikes me that they would be even more potent if separated by a line break.
A few line break 'breaths' would augment the dramatic delivery of this poem, though the voicing works well with no line breaks if you prefer that. Example:
Stretching beyond a myopic view,
amid resurfacing gills
where our lungs once grew.
An amphibious being
embraces unique ways to rise above
what once was possible,
to become a sentient part of us.
Encouraging crusaders of like-minded individuals,
equipped, in an aqua-marine environment,
to dispel plastics or other toxins
that add to the destruction of our organic planet.
The choice is ours to grow past our handicaps.
Touching down on the bottom seafloor,
we can regain the ecstasy of hearing the ocean roar.
Love the tenor, tone and theme of this. Well done.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 26-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Hello Rama. Sorry for the delay. It does not reflect, in any way, the magnitude of importance I place on this marvelous review. Wow. You chose parts of it, ignored by others, to emphasize their effectiveness, creativity, and relevance to what is going on around us. I really sincerely thank you for taking the time to place such importance on my poem, and its highlights. I hear you and your suggestions, for "breaths" in the poem. I will take them into consideration, and decide on a later date. Hands down, you give the best reviews, and it is too bad that you can't win consecutively, as I feel the others pale in comparison but, it is what it is, that's for sure. I love your particulars and examples given, of what works in this poem. I can't thank you enough, for your vote of confidence is a needed shot in the arm.
Have a wonderful and productive week, my friend.
Take care,
Jesse
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Thanks for your super gracious response, dear Jesse. You never need to apologize for delays. I also took a long time to answer my over 80 reviews, and the first reviewers (usually fan base) are on the last pages. Whew. Finally finished those. Thanks for your kind comments about the ROM contest. I rarely win nowadays because I don't get enough votes to be in the running since I don't review as often as I used to or as extensively. But I was surprised, last month, not to get even the honorable mention. BUt it's great to see so many people are actively reviewing these days! Have a wonderful week too!
Warm Smiles,
rd
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Hello Rama.
Our constantly new influx of writers changes things, yet, it is good to see. To me. it will always be the quality versus sheer quantity that holds the greatest value. You win, hands down, when it comes to the quality of your reviews. You put thought into the message and offer suggestions on how to improve the piece in question. I also think it is partially a popularity contest, like all the rest of them. Thanks for sharing and allowing me to share with you. I enjoy our conversations. Have a great day.
Jesse
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Thanks for your kind words, dear Jesse. Always feel free to share with me. I agree...quality vs quantity is the key. Definitely agree with you on all counts.
Have a super day!
Warmly, rd
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I'm very glad.
Enjoy your day, as well.
Smiles,
Jesse
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You too!
