Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Basic Training II"American Isekai
8 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
It is interesting how you have used a juxtaposition as one of the main issues here. Granted pre-Nobility looks like enslavement. I'm moting some subtle tongue-in cheek humor..."Lecher and Duke and Earl." The ending is pretty tricky for Paul. We will have to read on.
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It is interesting how you have used a juxtaposition as one of the main issues here. Granted pre-Nobility looks like enslavement. I'm moting some subtle tongue-in cheek humor..."Lecher and Duke and Earl." The ending is pretty tricky for Paul. We will have to read on.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lance, I need to ask, have you done extensive research into the etiquette of the nobility from this time period? I am asking this because of the dressing down that Paul has just received from his new instructor concerning his relationship with Crista.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Dear lance, I need to ask, have you done extensive research into the etiquette of the nobility from this time period? I am asking this because of the dressing down that Paul has just received from his new instructor concerning his relationship with Crista.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
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Some, but this story does not take place in medieval times. It has many aspects but this world is slightly different.
Paul, was dressed down because of his indecisive answers. He did not answer forthrightly to a question by his superior.
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Am I to assume that the setting for your novel is sort of a ? time warp ? thing??
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Thousands of years in the future after a worldwide cataclysm. Humanity has reset, and started over.
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, you have some powerful writing in this chapter. By now, the reader hates this Lecher. I know I do.
I found a couple of things for you to consider:
decrepit group of wannabe men. [to me, "wannabe" seems such an ill-choice here, Lance. It seems anachronistic.]
HIs cheek was red and his narowed as he glared at Lecher. [...his EYES? narrowed]
Paul knew he had errored. Master [he had erred. At least, I've never seen errored in print.]
Your pacing here is perfect. I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Well, you have some powerful writing in this chapter. By now, the reader hates this Lecher. I know I do.
I found a couple of things for you to consider:
decrepit group of wannabe men. [to me, "wannabe" seems such an ill-choice here, Lance. It seems anachronistic.]
HIs cheek was red and his narowed as he glared at Lecher. [...his EYES? narrowed]
Paul knew he had errored. Master [he had erred. At least, I've never seen errored in print.]
Your pacing here is perfect. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from royowen
What a brutal life, chivalry is not dead after all, and these boys are bringing ther commonality to bear into a life of chivalry and service, mind you, it would have been relatively easy to have a bath, but I'm sure they will earn, that's how some of my teachers were when I was young. Well done, good scribing, blessings Roy
2 typos : And his ? (Narowed) narrowed?
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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What a brutal life, chivalry is not dead after all, and these boys are bringing ther commonality to bear into a life of chivalry and service, mind you, it would have been relatively easy to have a bath, but I'm sure they will earn, that's how some of my teachers were when I was young. Well done, good scribing, blessings Roy
2 typos : And his ? (Narowed) narrowed?
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
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Welcome
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Paul has himself in a mess and not that is actually his fault. I am not sure how he could have answered those questions honestly and remained out of trouble. I can't wait to see what happens next. I do like this story.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Paul has himself in a mess and not that is actually his fault. I am not sure how he could have answered those questions honestly and remained out of trouble. I can't wait to see what happens next. I do like this story.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
What an enjoyable read. I thought the conversation between Dominic and his son was especially enjoyable to read. The story after that didn't let go. This was well written. Very enjoyable. And creative. Great job.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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What an enjoyable read. I thought the conversation between Dominic and his son was especially enjoyable to read. The story after that didn't let go. This was well written. Very enjoyable. And creative. Great job.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from judiverse
Lecher is really something. I don't see how he'll get anywhere with the new squires if he keeps hitting them. Maybe this new assignment isn't going to be so great after all. I thought Paul was all squared away with Crista, that he had acted in accordance with the customs of this civilization. So what's Lecher's beef? Paul just hasn't used the right words, apparently. Lecher is also pretty mean to Algar. I suppose that's what the squires can look forward to in the future. Great characterization with Lecher. Good building on the relationship between Paul and his father. Something seems to be up with Crista if she isn't feeling so strong. Something to come? Great work, judi
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Lecher is really something. I don't see how he'll get anywhere with the new squires if he keeps hitting them. Maybe this new assignment isn't going to be so great after all. I thought Paul was all squared away with Crista, that he had acted in accordance with the customs of this civilization. So what's Lecher's beef? Paul just hasn't used the right words, apparently. Lecher is also pretty mean to Algar. I suppose that's what the squires can look forward to in the future. Great characterization with Lecher. Good building on the relationship between Paul and his father. Something seems to be up with Crista if she isn't feeling so strong. Something to come? Great work, judi
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Crista will grow. It is not easy going from a slave to wife. She's acting according to the world she knows. More of he backstory will come and she has some chapters of her own. Lecher is hard but he has reasons for it and he is right. Squires represent their Nobles, and the Earl is the son of the Duke. There are political aspects that I touch on later in this novel, but more in the companion novel and the sequel.
Thank you, Judi.
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You're very welcome. I see that you've don some careful planning in developing your story. judi
Comment from robyn corum
Lancellot,
Oh, wow. This is a tricky situation for these guys. An honor for sure, but bringing with it so many new things to learn and to consider. BUT with the help of that brute-strength training, I have a feeling they will adjust quickly. *smile*
Notes, if I may:
1.) "I am sorry, (F)ather.
--> direct reference
2.) "Well, I can see(...)" (t)he (S)word (said as he) leaned over Algar and took in a deep breath(,) "and I can smell
3.) H(i)s cheek was red and his (eyes narrowed) as he glared at Lecher.
--> but since he cannot SEE his own cheek, he would not know it was red - perhaps he could FEEL the heat in it?
4.) but without looking down at it, how was (he) supposed to know?
5.) consider adding a flag for language?
An scary but enjoyable chapter. What is next? Hmmm... worried to find out. ha
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Lancellot,
Oh, wow. This is a tricky situation for these guys. An honor for sure, but bringing with it so many new things to learn and to consider. BUT with the help of that brute-strength training, I have a feeling they will adjust quickly. *smile*
Notes, if I may:
1.) "I am sorry, (F)ather.
--> direct reference
2.) "Well, I can see(...)" (t)he (S)word (said as he) leaned over Algar and took in a deep breath(,) "and I can smell
3.) H(i)s cheek was red and his (eyes narrowed) as he glared at Lecher.
--> but since he cannot SEE his own cheek, he would not know it was red - perhaps he could FEEL the heat in it?
4.) but without looking down at it, how was (he) supposed to know?
5.) consider adding a flag for language?
An scary but enjoyable chapter. What is next? Hmmm... worried to find out. ha
Comment Written 23-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
