Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Into the Storm Part2"Shenanigans on the frontier
15 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I enjoyed your chapter. I'm a little confused, though. Why do you have to go through the extra work to have the Indian dialogue emboldened and italicized? It doesn't add or subtract from the understanding but only makes it look stylized.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I enjoyed your chapter. I'm a little confused, though. Why do you have to go through the extra work to have the Indian dialogue emboldened and italicized? It doesn't add or subtract from the understanding but only makes it look stylized.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Really nice story. I grew up on westerns and they still have quite a piece of my heart.
I think your dialogue sounded true and you're developing the story in a nice realistic way. I look forward to more chapters.
The bold type is a good idea to distinguish who is talking.
The artwork is a good match too.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Really nice story. I grew up on westerns and they still have quite a piece of my heart.
I think your dialogue sounded true and you're developing the story in a nice realistic way. I look forward to more chapters.
The bold type is a good idea to distinguish who is talking.
The artwork is a good match too.
Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
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No prob.
I like reading your work...keep it comin'
Comment from Mastery
Hello Earl. You have a wonderful, exciting story going here. Your writing gets smoother with each chapter, my friend.
This is good as it is for an opening hook, without all the previous stuff: "The excursion hadn't got off to a good start."
I like the sound of this: " he was built more for dealing cards and drinking rum."
Suggestions; Try to avoid using cliches, Earl. They never fit well in stories, like your opener, especially: "Godfrey Smythe was fit to be tied"
And this one: " had beaten Bear Rogers to within an inch of his life.
Also, try to eliminate words when they are not needed. Like here for instance:
"Of course you can." Make it simply "Of course."
Also: In this case, put your speech tag first: You have: "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now," Smythe seethed.
Do it this way for more impact: Smythe seethed. "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now."
Good job, Earl. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Hello Earl. You have a wonderful, exciting story going here. Your writing gets smoother with each chapter, my friend.
This is good as it is for an opening hook, without all the previous stuff: "The excursion hadn't got off to a good start."
I like the sound of this: " he was built more for dealing cards and drinking rum."
Suggestions; Try to avoid using cliches, Earl. They never fit well in stories, like your opener, especially: "Godfrey Smythe was fit to be tied"
And this one: " had beaten Bear Rogers to within an inch of his life.
Also, try to eliminate words when they are not needed. Like here for instance:
"Of course you can." Make it simply "Of course."
Also: In this case, put your speech tag first: You have: "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now," Smythe seethed.
Do it this way for more impact: Smythe seethed. "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now."
Good job, Earl. Bob
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Thanks Bob, I have to really think hard to remember to not use cliches. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
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No problem, Earl. Bob
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No problem, Earl. Bob
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Earl,
I've missed quite a few chapters of this saga already. Sometimes I've seen an author give a bit of background. That would help a lot for someone like me who has just stumbled out of the woods and into a clearing. I've got projects on the go, so it's hard to go back and start from the beginning. Now, if I had the book, I'd read it every night before I fall asleep. I think I'd enjoy it. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for settlers and frontiersmen to journey west through Indian territory, no roads or bridges, and wooden wheels.
"Speaking of graves, the next time you lay a hand on my sister you'll be occupying one." ... I especially enjoyed this part, when Smythe was a bit rough with Roseanna, and her brother came to the rescue.
I like this line,
"...dead men keep secrets the best."
I'm assuming this line begins a different part of the story, with the Shawnee...
"A cloud of powder smoke enveloped Swooping Eagle as he took his shot." ... If I'm right, a space or line would have been helpful. I'm struggling to understand what's going on.
Well-written, Earl. I don't understand too much about what is going on yet, but the only mistake I spotted was trivial... a missing period.
"Dozens of thoughts swirled through his head"
Perhaps I can climb aboard in another chapter or two.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Hi Earl,
I've missed quite a few chapters of this saga already. Sometimes I've seen an author give a bit of background. That would help a lot for someone like me who has just stumbled out of the woods and into a clearing. I've got projects on the go, so it's hard to go back and start from the beginning. Now, if I had the book, I'd read it every night before I fall asleep. I think I'd enjoy it. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for settlers and frontiersmen to journey west through Indian territory, no roads or bridges, and wooden wheels.
"Speaking of graves, the next time you lay a hand on my sister you'll be occupying one." ... I especially enjoyed this part, when Smythe was a bit rough with Roseanna, and her brother came to the rescue.
I like this line,
"...dead men keep secrets the best."
I'm assuming this line begins a different part of the story, with the Shawnee...
"A cloud of powder smoke enveloped Swooping Eagle as he took his shot." ... If I'm right, a space or line would have been helpful. I'm struggling to understand what's going on.
Well-written, Earl. I don't understand too much about what is going on yet, but the only mistake I spotted was trivial... a missing period.
"Dozens of thoughts swirled through his head"
Perhaps I can climb aboard in another chapter or two.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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I'll lok at putting some background in the author's note on the next chapter. I appreciate you jumping in the middle and following along. Good editing tips, thanks.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great western story rich in the lingo of that time. The characters are easy to picture in my mind's eye, and their conversation is smooth and natural. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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This is a great western story rich in the lingo of that time. The characters are easy to picture in my mind's eye, and their conversation is smooth and natural. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment from royowen
I wonder what Running Deer has in mind, I thought for once that RD had really become wise and thought that two bad events don't make a good one, but that's not what's on his mind, it's been awhile since I read one of these, Smythe met his attempted nastiness with Roseanne's brother threatening to shoot him if he didn't let go his sister, well done, good scribing Earl, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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I wonder what Running Deer has in mind, I thought for once that RD had really become wise and thought that two bad events don't make a good one, but that's not what's on his mind, it's been awhile since I read one of these, Smythe met his attempted nastiness with Roseanne's brother threatening to shoot him if he didn't let go his sister, well done, good scribing Earl, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much Roy. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Richard, but I was happy to have him step up. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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Good move
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. I wonder what Running Deer has in mind. Great post in this, Earl. I especially liked how Richard came to the rescue and defended his sister in no uncertain terms!
Swooping greeted Running Deer (Swooping Eagle) unless you can just use the first part as the name.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Oh-oh. I wonder what Running Deer has in mind. Great post in this, Earl. I especially liked how Richard came to the rescue and defended his sister in no uncertain terms!
Swooping greeted Running Deer (Swooping Eagle) unless you can just use the first part as the name.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Good catch. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Ben Colder
I see you have left us with anticipation with a couple what will happen next with---
When Running Dear Plan is---
said I did not say that my son, but I have a plan and all will be revealed at the proper time. Here I am Wondering what the Plan is?
And --- what are Acorns?
Thank you for large font and bold font when the dialogue in bold and italics; when Shawnee spoke.
Gert
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Hello Ben Colder
I see you have left us with anticipation with a couple what will happen next with---
When Running Dear Plan is---
said I did not say that my son, but I have a plan and all will be revealed at the proper time. Here I am Wondering what the Plan is?
And --- what are Acorns?
Thank you for large font and bold font when the dialogue in bold and italics; when Shawnee spoke.
Gert
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Thank you for honoring me with 6 stars Gert. Acorns are a euphanism. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Earl, I think I already gave you six stars for this story, and wasn't sure if I had to do it for every chapter?
At any rate I am reading this with fascination and learning about an Indian culture at the same time.
Thank you so much for your author's notes, as they can add so much more information than can be told in the script of this novel.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Dear Earl, I think I already gave you six stars for this story, and wasn't sure if I had to do it for every chapter?
At any rate I am reading this with fascination and learning about an Indian culture at the same time.
Thank you so much for your author's notes, as they can add so much more information than can be told in the script of this novel.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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You can give six stars for each chapter, but I'm just glad you're reviewing the book. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment from aryr
What a fantastic continuation chapter Earl. It was so nice that Richard stepped up and threatened Smythe's life if he laid a hand on Roseanna again. It was as if he had grown into a man. Also it was interesting what Running Deer was thinking of when he spoke of revenge to Swooping Eagle. Great job, I eagerly await for more.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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What a fantastic continuation chapter Earl. It was so nice that Richard stepped up and threatened Smythe's life if he laid a hand on Roseanna again. It was as if he had grown into a man. Also it was interesting what Running Deer was thinking of when he spoke of revenge to Swooping Eagle. Great job, I eagerly await for more.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
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You are so welcome Earl.
