Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Punishment or Reward"American Isekai
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love how you had us learning, along with the fellows. Paul is so bewildered, he can't really get a grasp on how critical things are. It is fun to hear speculations of the credibility of tunnel stories. In case the reader might have gotten tired of the original plot...fear not.
  |
I love how you had us learning, along with the fellows. Paul is so bewildered, he can't really get a grasp on how critical things are. It is fun to hear speculations of the credibility of tunnel stories. In case the reader might have gotten tired of the original plot...fear not.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Lancellot,
Ahhhh, yes. It's always wonderful to be assigned to scary and deadly tasks by a crazy leader who could decide, at any moment, to take your head off. Lovely!
Notes:
1.) A red(-)faced Paul nodded. "I was thinking; the smaller passages may have been service(-)ways in between the main tunnels.
--> no semi-colon or comma or anything.
2.) When the door closed, the mayor picked up his chair up
--> delete one 'up'
I enjoyed! Thanks!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
|
Lancellot,
Ahhhh, yes. It's always wonderful to be assigned to scary and deadly tasks by a crazy leader who could decide, at any moment, to take your head off. Lovely!
Notes:
1.) A red(-)faced Paul nodded. "I was thinking; the smaller passages may have been service(-)ways in between the main tunnels.
--> no semi-colon or comma or anything.
2.) When the door closed, the mayor picked up his chair up
--> delete one 'up'
I enjoyed! Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much. I love your eagle eyes.
-
Thanks!
Comment from judiverse
Paul has shown he's capable or stirring things up. That was really something, his asking what if they didn't want to be squires? People in this strange place don't seem to question anything. There is always a price to pay for disobeying orders. Interesting hints of what caused the planet to be a place of science and learning, but know one appears to know much about the history. Maybe Paul and his crew will discover things when they explore the tunnel system. Things are getting very interesting! judi
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
 |
Paul has shown he's capable or stirring things up. That was really something, his asking what if they didn't want to be squires? People in this strange place don't seem to question anything. There is always a price to pay for disobeying orders. Interesting hints of what caused the planet to be a place of science and learning, but know one appears to know much about the history. Maybe Paul and his crew will discover things when they explore the tunnel system. Things are getting very interesting! judi
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much.
-
You're welcome. Great action in your story. judi
Comment from Jay Squires
I foresee some challenges for young Paul with the Earl in his new position as squire. (I like that title, though. It has a good ring to it.) I've said it before, but your character interaction, particularly with dialogue, should be studied by novice writers here. There is such a seamless inner rhythm and pacing to it!
You three are now Squares [Squires]? of the Duke's court.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
|
I foresee some challenges for young Paul with the Earl in his new position as squire. (I like that title, though. It has a good ring to it.) I've said it before, but your character interaction, particularly with dialogue, should be studied by novice writers here. There is such a seamless inner rhythm and pacing to it!
You three are now Squares [Squires]? of the Duke's court.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lancellot, this story is turning out to be one heck of a billoozer! I meant that word as the highest compliment I could think of. ( it certainly was meant that way, when I was a kid. ) One thing is for sure, I will be looking forward to each and every post.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
|
Dear lancellot, this story is turning out to be one heck of a billoozer! I meant that word as the highest compliment I could think of. ( it certainly was meant that way, when I was a kid. ) One thing is for sure, I will be looking forward to each and every post.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Doing good things is supposed to bring rewards not more hardship. I have a feeling being a squire is not a good thing, at least from Paul's point of view and I tend to agree with him. This is another really good write.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
|
Doing good things is supposed to bring rewards not more hardship. I have a feeling being a squire is not a good thing, at least from Paul's point of view and I tend to agree with him. This is another really good write.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Daniel Ayles
Well done. Good use of dialogue. Believable conversation that does not feel like an information dump while supplying necessary information. Enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
 |
Well done. Good use of dialogue. Believable conversation that does not feel like an information dump while supplying necessary information. Enjoyable read.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
-
Thank you very much.
