The Teacher
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Teacher - 7"Hostage situation at an elementary school.
4 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
An exceptional piece of writing. You kept a good balance between the two dramatic forces: inside the classroom and outside where the negotiator was stationed. This created the necessary tension to allow the story to progress without bogging down. To further intensify this balanced situation you maintained only two POV characters: Andi Defesne and Sargent Kevin Greer.
I think you were wise in not having John Kirkland be a point-of-view character. By not letting the reader be privy to what goes on in John's mind, the mystery of his actions are heightened.
You give the reader a good "feel" for setting, without bogging him/her down with poetic meandering. Your prose is bare, direct, straight-forward, as it should be for this type of nail-biter.
You've managed to make John Kirkland human, even likable, which is good. The reader can invest in his personal plight and even hope for a heroic act of humanity on his part.
You have all the ingredients for a fine novel, if this chapter is representative.
I noted a few instances of SPAG as I read, some must misstrikes on your keys, I'm sure:
Kevin Greer attempts to negociate [... to negotiate ...]
probably portray a man with a sleezy quality [... with a sleazy quality...]
"I'm extending you a curtesy here," he said. [ ... extending you a courtesy here ...]
Nance and Lieutenant Cruz, both now waring headphones [ ... now wearing headphones]
The man selected an row and moved past [ ... selected a row ...]
Sargent Kevin Greer: hostage negociator for the Suffolk County Police Department. In charge of negociating [ negotiator and negotiating]
Overall an excellent job. I can only suggest you turn your spell check on when you edit (I use the free Grammarly app. Their spell-check is good, but their Grammar sometimes is too rigid.
You are an extraordinary writer for the crime genre. I won't hesitate to read you in the future.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2021
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An exceptional piece of writing. You kept a good balance between the two dramatic forces: inside the classroom and outside where the negotiator was stationed. This created the necessary tension to allow the story to progress without bogging down. To further intensify this balanced situation you maintained only two POV characters: Andi Defesne and Sargent Kevin Greer.
I think you were wise in not having John Kirkland be a point-of-view character. By not letting the reader be privy to what goes on in John's mind, the mystery of his actions are heightened.
You give the reader a good "feel" for setting, without bogging him/her down with poetic meandering. Your prose is bare, direct, straight-forward, as it should be for this type of nail-biter.
You've managed to make John Kirkland human, even likable, which is good. The reader can invest in his personal plight and even hope for a heroic act of humanity on his part.
You have all the ingredients for a fine novel, if this chapter is representative.
I noted a few instances of SPAG as I read, some must misstrikes on your keys, I'm sure:
Kevin Greer attempts to negociate [... to negotiate ...]
probably portray a man with a sleezy quality [... with a sleazy quality...]
"I'm extending you a curtesy here," he said. [ ... extending you a courtesy here ...]
Nance and Lieutenant Cruz, both now waring headphones [ ... now wearing headphones]
The man selected an row and moved past [ ... selected a row ...]
Sargent Kevin Greer: hostage negociator for the Suffolk County Police Department. In charge of negociating [ negotiator and negotiating]
Overall an excellent job. I can only suggest you turn your spell check on when you edit (I use the free Grammarly app. Their spell-check is good, but their Grammar sometimes is too rigid.
You are an extraordinary writer for the crime genre. I won't hesitate to read you in the future.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much. I will go back to those items and make corrections.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Mystery and Crime Fiction, a chapter in the book The Teacher, speaks John gives Andi a choice, the teacher - 7; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear write-post more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Humanity, Truth. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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This Mystery and Crime Fiction, a chapter in the book The Teacher, speaks John gives Andi a choice, the teacher - 7; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear write-post more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Humanity, Truth. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 16-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from Wendy G
Thank you again. Enjoying each chapter. You write well and convincingly, so I hope not to miss the next chapter. It is made all the more intriguing because Kirkland has no plan, so it is impossible to figure what will be the way out!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you again. Enjoying each chapter. You write well and convincingly, so I hope not to miss the next chapter. It is made all the more intriguing because Kirkland has no plan, so it is impossible to figure what will be the way out!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your support.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hm, hard choice on Andi shoulders, but she puts the kids in need first. The guy who keeps them hostage doesn't seem too bad if he thinks about the kids well-being by ordering food. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hm, hard choice on Andi shoulders, but she puts the kids in need first. The guy who keeps them hostage doesn't seem too bad if he thinks about the kids well-being by ordering food. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you.
