Unforgettable
season changes19 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hi Iza, this is a delightful story of the seasons as a metaphor of your life. I've never thought about what season I'd like to leave this place, but now you've so cleverly brought it up, the summer would be the best for me too. All those I've loved died in December and January. I really liked the imagery in your words, the way winter mocks, but clothes the earth in an ermin coat of snow. Wonderful, my friend. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
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Hi Iza, this is a delightful story of the seasons as a metaphor of your life. I've never thought about what season I'd like to leave this place, but now you've so cleverly brought it up, the summer would be the best for me too. All those I've loved died in December and January. I really liked the imagery in your words, the way winter mocks, but clothes the earth in an ermin coat of snow. Wonderful, my friend. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
This may well be a winner! Bold and fresh phrasing of seasonal changes --masterful personification of the Winter/Spring/Summer/Fall with startling imagery!
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This may well be a winner! Bold and fresh phrasing of seasonal changes --masterful personification of the Winter/Spring/Summer/Fall with startling imagery!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
Comment from Jasmine Girl
A typo: ...leaves are living...=> leaves are leaving.
I like the way you describe Autumn and Winter with complicated feelings.
Yes. Autumn is beautiful with color everywhere but is a precursor for Winter which is pure and a different kind of beauty. It has to try super hard to lure us because it is cold.
Well done
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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A typo: ...leaves are living...=> leaves are leaving.
I like the way you describe Autumn and Winter with complicated feelings.
Yes. Autumn is beautiful with color everywhere but is a precursor for Winter which is pure and a different kind of beauty. It has to try super hard to lure us because it is cold.
Well done
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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You are so right my dear friend, Winter is beautiful...but cold:)
Comment from Bill Schott
This flash fiction story, Unforgettable, follows the seasons and their effect on the speaker as each makes life better in some ways and tolerable in others.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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This flash fiction story, Unforgettable, follows the seasons and their effect on the speaker as each makes life better in some ways and tolerable in others.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your poetic descriptions of all the seasons and how and why you like or dislike some. Great use of personification. Yes, physically, each year shows our changes. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Enjoyed your poetic descriptions of all the seasons and how and why you like or dislike some. Great use of personification. Yes, physically, each year shows our changes. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review for the four stars:)
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I thought I gave you five stars. If it were four, I changed it now. You had my vote!
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Thank you so much, and no worries it happen to me too a few times.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
We have read many pieces in life about how seasons simulate the human life. It's tragic to watch but it seems to be very appropriate. This piece was well written, except for a few small nits - noted below:
1.) in the same way as the leaves are (leaving) my trees barren of color.
2.) Naive(ly,) I let myself to be fooled again as I am transported in her crystal
3.) Under her magic(,) I become an icicle watching (in fascination) how she is clothing everything in white.
4.) My (head) spins and with each year for me (it's) harder to keep up.
5.) will be the leaf that flows in the ocean unforgettable and frozen.
--> UNforgotten? So, remembered?
Thanks a bunch!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
We have read many pieces in life about how seasons simulate the human life. It's tragic to watch but it seems to be very appropriate. This piece was well written, except for a few small nits - noted below:
1.) in the same way as the leaves are (leaving) my trees barren of color.
2.) Naive(ly,) I let myself to be fooled again as I am transported in her crystal
3.) Under her magic(,) I become an icicle watching (in fascination) how she is clothing everything in white.
4.) My (head) spins and with each year for me (it's) harder to keep up.
5.) will be the leaf that flows in the ocean unforgettable and frozen.
--> UNforgotten? So, remembered?
Thanks a bunch!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Hi Robyn, thank you so much for your grammar correction:) you are the best, and also thank you so much for the lovely review.
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
This is quite an interesting and well-done story.
The personificaiton of the seasons and your relationship to them is whimsical and a bit enchanting.
Your writing is very good. I think there is a typo though: the third line up from the bottom of the first stanza, the last word is "living" and I think it is meant to be something else.
I very much like the last line of your story. It is important to end a story strongly and you have. It implies you are a whimsical realist. :)
Only autumn gets me,
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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This is quite an interesting and well-done story.
The personificaiton of the seasons and your relationship to them is whimsical and a bit enchanting.
Your writing is very good. I think there is a typo though: the third line up from the bottom of the first stanza, the last word is "living" and I think it is meant to be something else.
I very much like the last line of your story. It is important to end a story strongly and you have. It implies you are a whimsical realist. :)
Only autumn gets me,
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Good Evening, Cynthia and thank you so much for your poetic and encouraging review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Alchera
"Stand up! Go to sleep! Wake up! Damn it! How I hate to have my life governed by these three steps." If I have to go I prefer to go on the wings of my precious summer. I will be the leaf that flows in the ocean unforgettable and frozen. "I just love it! Rebel against this imposed dictatorship that assails you and corrodes your soul! I know it's not easy but each of us can decide to change the rhythm of his life if he has no obligations towards others. I liked the soft tone in the passage of the seasons and the almost poetic prose of the piece. It is true that autumn is short but you cuddle in the arms of the hated Winter even if you prefer sweet short spring before summer comes! That beautiful butterfly foliage will certainly delay you again if you know how to t5ake care of yourself before you enclose yourself in your beloved fall again! Great job.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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"Stand up! Go to sleep! Wake up! Damn it! How I hate to have my life governed by these three steps." If I have to go I prefer to go on the wings of my precious summer. I will be the leaf that flows in the ocean unforgettable and frozen. "I just love it! Rebel against this imposed dictatorship that assails you and corrodes your soul! I know it's not easy but each of us can decide to change the rhythm of his life if he has no obligations towards others. I liked the soft tone in the passage of the seasons and the almost poetic prose of the piece. It is true that autumn is short but you cuddle in the arms of the hated Winter even if you prefer sweet short spring before summer comes! That beautiful butterfly foliage will certainly delay you again if you know how to t5ake care of yourself before you enclose yourself in your beloved fall again! Great job.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Wow, Senior Tony:) what a poetic review and you nailed it:) Have a wonderful Christmas:)
Comment from Ben Colder
I ave never thought of season like you have written. I always they anticipated the moment of arrival. I love seeing the changes being made knowing God is in control.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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I ave never thought of season like you have written. I always they anticipated the moment of arrival. I love seeing the changes being made knowing God is in control.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review, coming from a wonderful writer such as yourself, this is a true honor:)
Comment from Tpa
I liked the beginning of your story and the presentations of the seasons and the stages of life, each transacting a journey or phrase the carries you to another that gives the experience of each one But if one ends as a leaf in the middle of summer in the ocean, how does one become frozen?
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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I liked the beginning of your story and the presentations of the seasons and the stages of life, each transacting a journey or phrase the carries you to another that gives the experience of each one But if one ends as a leaf in the middle of summer in the ocean, how does one become frozen?
Comment Written 12-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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The ocean is not always warm, even in the middle of the summer you can be frozen, if we think about the Artic Ocean:)Than k you so much for your wonderful review.
