Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Meeting with Nobility"American Isekai
8 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This a strange foreshadowing: "he began to regain feeling in his body before he ended his life as a gopher." "Paul's cheap leather boots seemed to sink an inch into the soft blue velvet carpeting." This reminds me of the time I visited my very well-to-do friend's home. I couldn't believe how deep my feet sunk into their rug. I had never walked on such a plush rug. More foreshadowing: "That was the plan, but as they had learned earlier, few things ever go as planned." You've left in mystery.
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This a strange foreshadowing: "he began to regain feeling in his body before he ended his life as a gopher." "Paul's cheap leather boots seemed to sink an inch into the soft blue velvet carpeting." This reminds me of the time I visited my very well-to-do friend's home. I couldn't believe how deep my feet sunk into their rug. I had never walked on such a plush rug. More foreshadowing: "That was the plan, but as they had learned earlier, few things ever go as planned." You've left in mystery.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
Comment from judiverse
There seems a lot of protocol involved when meeting the Earl, and Paul and his team try to follow it. I'm glad Alfred survived his encounter with the deadly scrapper. Apparently, he was the first known to survive such an attack. Paul should be applauded for wanting to wear trousers, and has come up with a design for them, which his mother could make. Great background about the country and the customs, and how each person seems to have a place. Women are generally in the background. Excellent work. judi
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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There seems a lot of protocol involved when meeting the Earl, and Paul and his team try to follow it. I'm glad Alfred survived his encounter with the deadly scrapper. Apparently, he was the first known to survive such an attack. Paul should be applauded for wanting to wear trousers, and has come up with a design for them, which his mother could make. Great background about the country and the customs, and how each person seems to have a place. Women are generally in the background. Excellent work. judi
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much. The women will have their day, yet.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well, well, well, altered the course of three kingdoms. That can't be good at all. I'm sure of it. I can't wait to see what that means. I can't help but believe saving a life is a good thing, but one never knows for sure. I do enjoy reading this story.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Well, well, well, altered the course of three kingdoms. That can't be good at all. I'm sure of it. I can't wait to see what that means. I can't help but believe saving a life is a good thing, but one never knows for sure. I do enjoy reading this story.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from royowen
Things are going on in the kingdom, the boys have met Earl Raymond, and he is amazed and impressed by their exploits, how Agar rescued Alfred from the scrappers, the Earl tells them that they have altered the course of the kingdom. An excellent episode, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Things are going on in the kingdom, the boys have met Earl Raymond, and he is amazed and impressed by their exploits, how Agar rescued Alfred from the scrappers, the Earl tells them that they have altered the course of the kingdom. An excellent episode, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Roy.
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Welcome
Comment from Sheila Golding
A well written piece, not too sure what was going on but that is probably my fault. The soldiers are very young but know how to behave . Well done and hope the boys survive to the end ð???
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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A well written piece, not too sure what was going on but that is probably my fault. The soldiers are very young but know how to behave . Well done and hope the boys survive to the end ð???
Comment Written 14-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you.
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😄
Comment from Y. M. Roger
So the boys coming out of the ground were the missing boys and now they have taken a place on the watch... I must say, I do like this fellow the mayor: great character design there, sir! ;) Thanx for sharing! ;)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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So the boys coming out of the ground were the missing boys and now they have taken a place on the watch... I must say, I do like this fellow the mayor: great character design there, sir! ;) Thanx for sharing! ;)
Comment Written 13-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Jay Squires
I am in awe of your dialogue and your ease of transition between speakers and the exposition of necessary information through your characters. It all seems so seamless, at yet I know it takes a lot of work to appear seamless. Good job, Lance.
Master Rawls, a tall well-toned man with an ornate sword he didn't know. [I'm not sure what this means "an ornate sword he didn't know." Moreover, it's unclear whether it's Rawls or Paul who don't know it."]
"Two men and I entered the tunnel three times now. [Is this the same speaker as the previous paragraph? James?" If it is then you probably should bring this paragraph up to the previous, or use a dialogue tag to show it's a continuation of the same speaker. If it's not the same speaker, then you need to clarify.]
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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I am in awe of your dialogue and your ease of transition between speakers and the exposition of necessary information through your characters. It all seems so seamless, at yet I know it takes a lot of work to appear seamless. Good job, Lance.
Master Rawls, a tall well-toned man with an ornate sword he didn't know. [I'm not sure what this means "an ornate sword he didn't know." Moreover, it's unclear whether it's Rawls or Paul who don't know it."]
"Two men and I entered the tunnel three times now. [Is this the same speaker as the previous paragraph? James?" If it is then you probably should bring this paragraph up to the previous, or use a dialogue tag to show it's a continuation of the same speaker. If it's not the same speaker, then you need to clarify.]
Comment Written 13-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Jay. I see what you mean. I will make that more understandable.
Comment from robyn corum
Lance,
Is that all? Well... -puff- Is that such a big deal? I mean, kingdoms never get into issues or problems with other kingdoms. It should be fiiinnneee. I'm sure.
*smile*
This was a really good chapter - though I can't quite figure out how you've gotten so far along and I haven't been following as much as I thought I would be. Hmmm... I'll certainly have to do better.
The writing was nice and tight. The descriptions were easy to understand and I enjoyed it~
Some notes:
1.) Only cap 'mayor' when it's a direct reference (when the word could be replaced with a name.) [did that make sense?]
2.) Paul likened him to a young Santa (Claus) without the belly.
3.) "Good, and how is that lovely wife of yours(?)
4.) You know, had I been older when she (lived) at the castle,
--> or 'during her stay' - something like that. 'stay' is generally a more modern term for living, right?
5.) All the men in the room laughed as well, and stop(ped) when he stopped.
Thanks a bunch!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Lance,
Is that all? Well... -puff- Is that such a big deal? I mean, kingdoms never get into issues or problems with other kingdoms. It should be fiiinnneee. I'm sure.
*smile*
This was a really good chapter - though I can't quite figure out how you've gotten so far along and I haven't been following as much as I thought I would be. Hmmm... I'll certainly have to do better.
The writing was nice and tight. The descriptions were easy to understand and I enjoyed it~
Some notes:
1.) Only cap 'mayor' when it's a direct reference (when the word could be replaced with a name.) [did that make sense?]
2.) Paul likened him to a young Santa (Claus) without the belly.
3.) "Good, and how is that lovely wife of yours(?)
4.) You know, had I been older when she (lived) at the castle,
--> or 'during her stay' - something like that. 'stay' is generally a more modern term for living, right?
5.) All the men in the room laughed as well, and stop(ped) when he stopped.
Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2020
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Thank you. I appreciate all your help.
