The Teacher
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Teacher - 1"Hostage situation at an elementary school.
4 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Mystery and Crime Fiction, a chapter in the book The Teacher, the hostage crisis begins, the teacher- 1; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible post, time is rare gift, post more, fast, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Law, Truth, R 123000/N21. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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This Mystery and Crime Fiction, a chapter in the book The Teacher, the hostage crisis begins, the teacher- 1; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible post, time is rare gift, post more, fast, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Law, Truth, R 123000/N21. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2021
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, you are a novel writing machine:) Again this seems an interesting story and I am very curious to see how is going to end. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Wow, you are a novel writing machine:) Again this seems an interesting story and I am very curious to see how is going to end. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from robyn corum
T.,
Nice introduction to the issue of the book. It's a scary scenario andone that a lot of people may not enjoy - but like a car wreck, may not be able to tear themselves away from. *smile*
Notes:
1.) Despite what someone who'd never seen the gray brick structure might believe, any witnesses immediately described it as "inviting" or "welcoming".
--> this didn't really make sense to me. If someone had never seen it, why would they form an opinion -- or care?
--> obviously, if they DO see it, they think it's welcoming.
2.) making anyone's approach (toward) the school un-surreptitious.
3.) Andi had used the distraction to get to the door again but, again, the intruder was quicker
--> you might consider making the gunman's position more clear. I thought he was IN the room - even if it's just inside the doorway. That would make the teacher's dash to the door to seem cowardly, as if she's leaving the students and running for her life.
4.) Andi took a single step when (s)omeone began banging on the door.
--> would the police really go and start banging on this door? That seems like it might set this guy off or make him nervous or whatever. Doesn't seem realistic to me. But IDK -but I do see how it works with your plot...
5.) You have HIM closing the blinds, which would make him a perfect target outside - If I was him, I'd have a kid do this. Or her.
6.) She looked down at her hands, hoping someone outside had a better plan.
--> this makes several times you have used 'looked'
Still worth a five. Thanks!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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T.,
Nice introduction to the issue of the book. It's a scary scenario andone that a lot of people may not enjoy - but like a car wreck, may not be able to tear themselves away from. *smile*
Notes:
1.) Despite what someone who'd never seen the gray brick structure might believe, any witnesses immediately described it as "inviting" or "welcoming".
--> this didn't really make sense to me. If someone had never seen it, why would they form an opinion -- or care?
--> obviously, if they DO see it, they think it's welcoming.
2.) making anyone's approach (toward) the school un-surreptitious.
3.) Andi had used the distraction to get to the door again but, again, the intruder was quicker
--> you might consider making the gunman's position more clear. I thought he was IN the room - even if it's just inside the doorway. That would make the teacher's dash to the door to seem cowardly, as if she's leaving the students and running for her life.
4.) Andi took a single step when (s)omeone began banging on the door.
--> would the police really go and start banging on this door? That seems like it might set this guy off or make him nervous or whatever. Doesn't seem realistic to me. But IDK -but I do see how it works with your plot...
5.) You have HIM closing the blinds, which would make him a perfect target outside - If I was him, I'd have a kid do this. Or her.
6.) She looked down at her hands, hoping someone outside had a better plan.
--> this makes several times you have used 'looked'
Still worth a five. Thanks!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you. I'll look at those points.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Another strong chapter. I thought the shooting scene was well written and easy to follow which isn't always easy. The story continues to hold my interest. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Another strong chapter. I thought the shooting scene was well written and easy to follow which isn't always easy. The story continues to hold my interest. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Thank you kindly.
