Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Fire at the gate"American Isekai
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like how you had the reader feeling fairly confident that everyone was okay. But there of course was a bit of doubt instilled in us by the strong belief they were harmed missing or dead. It was stronger than a belief. It was their reality.
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I like how you had the reader feeling fairly confident that everyone was okay. But there of course was a bit of doubt instilled in us by the strong belief they were harmed missing or dead. It was stronger than a belief. It was their reality.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I started reading this and felt I had missed a post. I went looking for it and then came back to this one. Maybe I just have a faulty memory. Okay, after I read the ending of this post, I realize I don't have a faulty memory. LOL I feel much better about myself. Thank you.
The next morning Dominic was still at his station above the now open gate (The following morning)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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I started reading this and felt I had missed a post. I went looking for it and then came back to this one. Maybe I just have a faulty memory. Okay, after I read the ending of this post, I realize I don't have a faulty memory. LOL I feel much better about myself. Thank you.
The next morning Dominic was still at his station above the now open gate (The following morning)
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Yes, it does seem as if a chapter is missing because the story doesn't follow the boys after they rescued Alfred. The POV shifts back to the city for those four days. But, fear not. There is a reason we don't see what they did during those days (boring), and why what happened in the city was more important for the story.
Thank you very much for following the tale.
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I do understand. I am absent so often from FS that I feel I've often missed something. Once I got to the end of the post, I understood what you did.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lancellot, The first adventure for the night watch is over and the second is about to begin. Who is it of noble birth who is coming? you do list one character; the Duke Reinhardt.
I wonder what he will do to give the boys their next challenge.
I wait for your next post, Sir Lancelot.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Dear lancellot, The first adventure for the night watch is over and the second is about to begin. Who is it of noble birth who is coming? you do list one character; the Duke Reinhardt.
I wonder what he will do to give the boys their next challenge.
I wait for your next post, Sir Lancelot.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
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Oh, I forgot I had the Duke listed. He was speaking in an earlier flashback chapter, so that's why I listed him. But, you're right, the first adventure is over and on to the next.
Thank you very much for following.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Thank you for not leaving us hanging! So glad Paul is alive--albeit soot-covered
honor demanded he addresses s/b honor demanded that he address; the men manage s/b managed; hyphenate four-and-a-half; old folks called the tree [omit comma] "The Station Down to Hell Town" (or italicize); [hyphenate now-open] gate
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Thank you for not leaving us hanging! So glad Paul is alive--albeit soot-covered
honor demanded he addresses s/b honor demanded that he address; the men manage s/b managed; hyphenate four-and-a-half; old folks called the tree [omit comma] "The Station Down to Hell Town" (or italicize); [hyphenate now-open] gate
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
Comment from Jay Squires
So I didn't miss a chapter. The four young men were in the cave with the spiders, and then the scene shifts to Paul's parents' house and the mourning. This is not a critique. I am just wondering if I missed a chapter.
Just a couple of small adjustments:
Fenwick's honor demanded he addresses the entire family. [... demanded he ADDRESS the entire family.]
I know no one short of me could have prevented from doing something - foolish." [... could have prevented (HIM) from doing something foolish.]
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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So I didn't miss a chapter. The four young men were in the cave with the spiders, and then the scene shifts to Paul's parents' house and the mourning. This is not a critique. I am just wondering if I missed a chapter.
Just a couple of small adjustments:
Fenwick's honor demanded he addresses the entire family. [... demanded he ADDRESS the entire family.]
I know no one short of me could have prevented from doing something - foolish." [... could have prevented (HIM) from doing something foolish.]
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2020
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Nope. You didn't miss anything. Yes, this chapter is four days and it does not focus on Paul and his squad. It mostly on Dominic, while Paul is underground. Paul is the MC of the book but its not a first person POV. Many chapters going forward will not feature him at all.
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Yeah, I meant to mention it before, when they were in the caves and discovered it was a subway system from San Diego, it had a flavor of the Planet of the Apes. That explains why Paul kept mentioning about the other place.
Comment from M. Meraki
I quite enjoyed this chapter!! One of the elements you did so well at was creating character dialogue and relationships whose outcome it was easy to care about.
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I quite enjoyed this chapter!! One of the elements you did so well at was creating character dialogue and relationships whose outcome it was easy to care about.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Well, I'm certainly not up on the story, but great flow, dialogue and descriptions here, Sir Lancellot! ;) Looks as though Paul's appearance has attracted some foreign attention... ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck with the book! ;)
demanded he addresses the --> demanded he address the
have prevented from doing --> have prevented him from doing
men manage to make --> men managed to make
remember that dead --> remember, that dead
tree, The Station down to Hell Town. Now that --> tree 'The Station down to Hell Town'. Now, that
as far anyone was --> as far as anyone was
morning Dominic was still --> morning, Dominic was still
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Well, I'm certainly not up on the story, but great flow, dialogue and descriptions here, Sir Lancellot! ;) Looks as though Paul's appearance has attracted some foreign attention... ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck with the book! ;)
demanded he addresses the --> demanded he address the
have prevented from doing --> have prevented him from doing
men manage to make --> men managed to make
remember that dead --> remember, that dead
tree, The Station down to Hell Town. Now that --> tree 'The Station down to Hell Town'. Now, that
as far anyone was --> as far as anyone was
morning Dominic was still --> morning, Dominic was still
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
