The Lighter Side of Things
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Each Toothbrush Is Important"We all need to smile, especially these days.
13 total reviews
Comment from George Santhosh
What a lovely imaginative piece. Never have I thought of such a fairy tale hiding in my daily routine, which could be made into a humorous fun rhyme.
I predominantly saw a ABCB rhyme scheme, and the flow felt great when the rhyming sentences end exactly where they need to. There are however one or two stanzas that missed the right timing. Adding a few words or removing some can fix it.
eg:
No Brush would ever polish off
more teeth than it can chew.
No other tool has ever taken on
(The work) what Brushes do.
The "pension stage" stanza was one of the other missed marks. But you have hit the right timing in most stanzas. And for the story, it was absolutely lovely.
Thank you very much for this poem. I won't be looking at my toothbrushes the same again.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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What a lovely imaginative piece. Never have I thought of such a fairy tale hiding in my daily routine, which could be made into a humorous fun rhyme.
I predominantly saw a ABCB rhyme scheme, and the flow felt great when the rhyming sentences end exactly where they need to. There are however one or two stanzas that missed the right timing. Adding a few words or removing some can fix it.
eg:
No Brush would ever polish off
more teeth than it can chew.
No other tool has ever taken on
(The work) what Brushes do.
The "pension stage" stanza was one of the other missed marks. But you have hit the right timing in most stanzas. And for the story, it was absolutely lovely.
Thank you very much for this poem. I won't be looking at my toothbrushes the same again.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Well, thank you very much for such an encouraging and helpful review! You're the second person who's said they won't look at their toothbrush the same way again lol. Funny, but I still look at mine the same way...
I appreciate the suggestions for beat/timing as well :)
Comment from Mary Vigasin
If I had a six to give you certainly would get for this fun, creative and clever prose.
And to write about toothbrushes!
Now how am I to look at my toothbrushes in the bathroom?
I enjoyed the read. Rhythming was perfect.
Regards,
Mary
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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If I had a six to give you certainly would get for this fun, creative and clever prose.
And to write about toothbrushes!
Now how am I to look at my toothbrushes in the bathroom?
I enjoyed the read. Rhythming was perfect.
Regards,
Mary
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much Mary, for the six shiny big ones, and for your fun comments.
Don't laugh at it, or it may get offended. If that happens, the Toothbrush Union will come down on you like a ton of dentures lol.
Thanks for the smile today! xoxoxoxo
Comment from Jerome Goldberg
FUN! ORIGINAL! CLEVER! Definitely appropriate at a time of social unrest, political flux and a worldwide pandemic. Where would Western Culture be without a properly represented toothbrush?! IT IS ABOUT TIME SOMEONE TOOK A STAND! LOL! - JERRY
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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FUN! ORIGINAL! CLEVER! Definitely appropriate at a time of social unrest, political flux and a worldwide pandemic. Where would Western Culture be without a properly represented toothbrush?! IT IS ABOUT TIME SOMEONE TOOK A STAND! LOL! - JERRY
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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Ha! You actually "got" the point I was making with this poem, albeit via a common tool lol! Where, indeed, would western culture be without a properly represented toothbrush? At the Dentist...
Thank you for a fabulous review and your fun comments! I enjoyed your review more than the poem hahaha
Comment from Jewell McChesney
This is a perfectly well written, clever poem! I thoroughly enjoyed its light hearted theme and agree that every toothbrush matters. ð???
Hahahahaha clever
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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This is a perfectly well written, clever poem! I thoroughly enjoyed its light hearted theme and agree that every toothbrush matters. ð???
Hahahahaha clever
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much Poetic Visionary! I'm glad you enjoyed this mish-mash of silliness lol xoxoxox
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the toothbrush and itsee important role in keeping our teeth healthy and clean and to be able to present a great smile.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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A very well-written poem about the toothbrush and itsee important role in keeping our teeth healthy and clean and to be able to present a great smile.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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Thanks so much Sandra, I'm glad you enjoyed this xoxoxoxo
Comment from Michele Harber
Wow, this is so different from the first version I wasn't sure if it were merely a second poem about toothbrushes. This is very funny, made more so by the use of subtle puns, i.e., "indenture," "sink their teeth into," "lip service." Your rhymes work well, and I particularly appreciated your match-up of "discordant" with "important." Thank you for making me smile - showing off my always brushed teeth. (I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of the Toothbrush Union, after all.)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Wow, this is so different from the first version I wasn't sure if it were merely a second poem about toothbrushes. This is very funny, made more so by the use of subtle puns, i.e., "indenture," "sink their teeth into," "lip service." Your rhymes work well, and I particularly appreciated your match-up of "discordant" with "important." Thank you for making me smile - showing off my always brushed teeth. (I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of the Toothbrush Union, after all.)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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They'll come down on you like a ton of dentures.
I took a real risk with this, doing it up the way it is now. For those who are of a more "mature, upper-echelon" taste in poetry, this of course would come across like the work of a radical 10 year old who hates brushing their teeth.
It is also good that you're showing your teeth. Teeth should always be aired.
I'm happy you enjoyed this new version (I still have the old one and am contemplating using it as a base to personify some other every day household object. Maybe a toilet brush or similar...)
Thanks so much for your continued support and encouragement xoxoxoxox
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Always, Chris. I apparently have "immature, lower-echelon" taste, but I find your poetry very amusing and well-written. Those hoity-toity snobs don't know what they're missing.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are engaging, humorous, interesting and creative.
I enjoyed the read of this poem. The poem flows and connects well.
The artwork is great and compliments both the words and theme of this poem. Hope you had a great day!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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The author's words are engaging, humorous, interesting and creative.
I enjoyed the read of this poem. The poem flows and connects well.
The artwork is great and compliments both the words and theme of this poem. Hope you had a great day!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thank you harmony13! In my neck of the woods, the day is only half over, but so far, it's been a good one.
Thank you for your review and comments. I'm glad you enjoyed this total stupidity lol! Have a great day yourself xoxox
Comment from Y. M. Roger
LOL!! Okay, so I'm pretty sure you had just as much fun composing this one as I did reading and trying to guess where you'd go next -- hilarious, my lady! ;) Thanx for sharing your 'inanimate object personification' smiles! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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LOL!! Okay, so I'm pretty sure you had just as much fun composing this one as I did reading and trying to guess where you'd go next -- hilarious, my lady! ;) Thanx for sharing your 'inanimate object personification' smiles! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Yeah, I was worried that folk mightn't see the analogy between toothbrushes and older humans, but it appears I needn't have worried. I wonder if it would've worked using a toilet brush though? Hmm...lol! Thanks so much for the smiley review! xoxox
Comment from Rosemary wanjiru
ð?¤£ hilarious. So beautifully written. It's intriguing and the rhyming is melodic. A great piece. I enjoyed reading it. Nice photo too. It's eye catching.Thumbs up ð???and all the best.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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ð?¤£ hilarious. So beautifully written. It's intriguing and the rhyming is melodic. A great piece. I enjoyed reading it. Nice photo too. It's eye catching.Thumbs up ð???and all the best.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much Rosemary. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece of stupidity lol!
Comment from Pantygynt
Great fun this - a most enjoyable little ditty and so true. The last line of S8 employs a different font from the rest of the poem. I could not see an obvious reason for this so I presume it is the result of a late edition.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Great fun this - a most enjoyable little ditty and so true. The last line of S8 employs a different font from the rest of the poem. I could not see an obvious reason for this so I presume it is the result of a late edition.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Ah, Evil Ed is up to his old tricks! Will go in and fix that.
Thanks very much Pantygynt, for your kind words and excellent review xoxoxo
