Haiku (Autumn)
Haiku poem16 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like your use of literary techniques. Some of your description is onomatopoetic. This is a nice sensory image. There are a couple of senses tickled in this scene. Well thought out.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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I like your use of literary techniques. Some of your description is onomatopoetic. This is a nice sensory image. There are a couple of senses tickled in this scene. Well thought out.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks! Thank you for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from sammielwf
Raul1
Your beautiful haiku speaks to the exact fall scenario we are experiencing here in New England right now. Leaves falling fast and furious and the winds blowing them everywhere.
Out in our yard our two dogs are having a grand old time chasing everything that moves....
Good luck with your haiku.
Sammielwf
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Raul1
Your beautiful haiku speaks to the exact fall scenario we are experiencing here in New England right now. Leaves falling fast and furious and the winds blowing them everywhere.
Out in our yard our two dogs are having a grand old time chasing everything that moves....
Good luck with your haiku.
Sammielwf
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thanks! I hope that I win. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from F. William Lester
I like the visual. I had to read the explanation of what haiku is to understand it better. You have the 17 syllables and the format down, but I think the juxtaposition could have been stronger. Nice work. Stay well.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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I like the visual. I had to read the explanation of what haiku is to understand it better. You have the 17 syllables and the format down, but I think the juxtaposition could have been stronger. Nice work. Stay well.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
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You're welcome. My pleasure.
Comment from Teri7
Raul1 This is a very nice and very well written haiku you have penned for the Classic Haiku contest. You used very good descriptive words and very beautiful imagery. Best wishes in the contest. blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Raul1 This is a very nice and very well written haiku you have penned for the Classic Haiku contest. You used very good descriptive words and very beautiful imagery. Best wishes in the contest. blessings, Teri
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thanks! I hope that I win. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from Joan E.
I thoroughly enjoyed your Classic Haiku and parallel picture. You captured the season's sound and colors. Best wishes in the competition. Happy Halloween- Joan
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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I thoroughly enjoyed your Classic Haiku and parallel picture. You captured the season's sound and colors. Best wishes in the competition. Happy Halloween- Joan
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thanks! I hope I win. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
Comment from Eternal Muse
That is a gorgeous haiku. You have a stunning imagery and visuals, and your words show the expertise and know how in haiku writing.
The only comment, you don't have to capitalize "I" in the second line.
Good luck luck in the booths.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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That is a gorgeous haiku. You have a stunning imagery and visuals, and your words show the expertise and know how in haiku writing.
The only comment, you don't have to capitalize "I" in the second line.
Good luck luck in the booths.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thanks! I made the correction. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem! I hope I win. I'm crossing my fingers.
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It looks perfect now. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
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Thanks, my friend! :)
Comment from juliaSjames
An excellent write. I see dry leaves as the kigo. The concept of an endless autumn is interesting and innovative. But it's not concrete imagery.
My suggestion would be to write
in unceasing torrent
and in the satori
Autumn wind howls
Best of luck in the contest.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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An excellent write. I see dry leaves as the kigo. The concept of an endless autumn is interesting and innovative. But it's not concrete imagery.
My suggestion would be to write
in unceasing torrent
and in the satori
Autumn wind howls
Best of luck in the contest.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thanks! I made the corrections. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem! :)
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Raul I sent you a message. Your poem should be written like this
dry leaves fall
in unceasing torrent ~
Autumn wind howls
Best of luck
Julia.
Comment from tempeste
Ciao Raul!
Autumn is my favourite season and I just love your eye catching pic ..it's stunning ..it warms my heart!
Our point of view on autumn differs though ...
You see dry,( dying ) leaves I see colours coming to life .. ( biggrin)
Keep safe!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Ciao Raul!
Autumn is my favourite season and I just love your eye catching pic ..it's stunning ..it warms my heart!
Our point of view on autumn differs though ...
You see dry,( dying ) leaves I see colours coming to life .. ( biggrin)
Keep safe!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
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Ciao Raul, I gave you your first vote ..
I can see you did some worthy editing..bravo!
the second line:
in unceasing torrent ..is brilliant and your pic complements well this idea of a torrent s bed ..
I wish you well in this competition!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Raul,
Interesting entry for the classic haiku contest. Good syllable count. The presentation is beautiful.
Your haiku has a few issues... First line has a weird word arrangement. It doesn't make sense. It looks like you are more concerned with getting a 5/7/5 syllables count. In English haiku it's okay to have less syllables. Line one and two should be grammatically corrected. The third line is too wordy, howls and scream is the same.
Leaves dry brown fall off,
an endless noisy Autumn howls of wind scream.
See my suggestion...
dry leaves fall
in an endless Autumn --wind howls
In your author notes add this...
haiku is a short poem that uses imagistic language to convey the essence of an experience of nature intuitively linked to the human condition.
The essence of haiku is 'cutting' (kiru) represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas separated by a kireji -dash or ellipsis- (~, ...)
kigo-usually drawn from a saijiki, an extensive but defined list of such terms.
Kigo (season) seasons dictionary
https://wkdkigodatabase03.blogspot.com/2007/09/stars-hoshi.html?m=1
English haiku doesn't have to be 5/7/5, just 17 syllables OR LESS and as brief as possible. Japanese syllables are shorter than English syllables. source of rules
for example, one of the greatest haiku in history, written by haiku master, Matsuo Basho....
old pond
frogs jumped in
sound of water .................... In English, it's 2/3/4
Same haiku in Japanese....
furu ike ya
kawazu tobikomu
mizu no to ..................... In Japanese it's 5/7/5
source--haiku society of America
William J. Higginson Haiku society of America
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hello, Raul,
Interesting entry for the classic haiku contest. Good syllable count. The presentation is beautiful.
Your haiku has a few issues... First line has a weird word arrangement. It doesn't make sense. It looks like you are more concerned with getting a 5/7/5 syllables count. In English haiku it's okay to have less syllables. Line one and two should be grammatically corrected. The third line is too wordy, howls and scream is the same.
Leaves dry brown fall off,
an endless noisy Autumn howls of wind scream.
See my suggestion...
dry leaves fall
in an endless Autumn --wind howls
In your author notes add this...
haiku is a short poem that uses imagistic language to convey the essence of an experience of nature intuitively linked to the human condition.
The essence of haiku is 'cutting' (kiru) represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas separated by a kireji -dash or ellipsis- (~, ...)
kigo-usually drawn from a saijiki, an extensive but defined list of such terms.
Kigo (season) seasons dictionary
https://wkdkigodatabase03.blogspot.com/2007/09/stars-hoshi.html?m=1
English haiku doesn't have to be 5/7/5, just 17 syllables OR LESS and as brief as possible. Japanese syllables are shorter than English syllables. source of rules
for example, one of the greatest haiku in history, written by haiku master, Matsuo Basho....
old pond
frogs jumped in
sound of water .................... In English, it's 2/3/4
Same haiku in Japanese....
furu ike ya
kawazu tobikomu
mizu no to ..................... In Japanese it's 5/7/5
source--haiku society of America
William J. Higginson Haiku society of America
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Thanks! Thanks for the help. Is the haiku better now? Check it again, please. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
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yes, much better :) it's a great haiku
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Thanks! :)
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Thanks! :)
Comment from nomi338
How very accurate that is. To me there was once nothing more terrifying than the howl of Winter's icy wind. I spent 20 months in Grand Forks, North Dakota on an Air Force base where there were no trees, no hills, no mountains. Nothing but flat lands. When the wintry wind would blow, there was nothing other than what protective clothing would be wearing to help me. Some days it would be so cold that even with protective clothing you could freeze to death in five minutes of exposure. We did not go outside on those days.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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How very accurate that is. To me there was once nothing more terrifying than the howl of Winter's icy wind. I spent 20 months in Grand Forks, North Dakota on an Air Force base where there were no trees, no hills, no mountains. Nothing but flat lands. When the wintry wind would blow, there was nothing other than what protective clothing would be wearing to help me. Some days it would be so cold that even with protective clothing you could freeze to death in five minutes of exposure. We did not go outside on those days.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Thanks! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
