THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "The Shadow/Part 4 "The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
5 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
So they know who's responsible, hopefully they can find him and stop him soon. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting very realistic. I felt like I was there experiencing the meeting for myself. Great job as always. As always, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
  |
So they know who's responsible, hopefully they can find him and stop him soon. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting very realistic. I felt like I was there experiencing the meeting for myself. Great job as always. As always, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
-
Thanks so much, Mistydawn :)
So glad you liked the chapter. Sorry it was so long. Sometimes it's hard to break up chapters. I hope it flowed fast though. And yes, you are right. The Breedline now have a name, but will they be able to track Joseph down before he kills again? Hmmm...
Thanks again my friend!
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from Jay Squires
Hi, Shana. It's so good to get back with FanStory after a two-year hiatus and then to find so many of my friends from back then are still here and writing good stuff.
"I'm sure her and Nicolas will be here shortly." [I'm pointing it out fully knowing that dialogue trumps grammatical correctness every time, but in the interests of correctness, it should read, "I'm sure SHE and Nicolas..."]
"Hmmm..." he said, batting his brows. [I've heard of batting lashes, but not brows. Brows can be waggled or wiggled, though.]
Shana, you have not been sitting still during the two years I was gone. You've really honed your craft. If I were pressed to make a general suggestion to you, it would be to make a list of all the essential things this chapter must mention, the next essential, but helpful for mood or setting, and finally the least important. I'm speaking generally because I haven't read your Breedline series (I always loved that name), for two years, but I have a more intuitive feel that much of what went on in the first part of the chapter, while they were waiting, could be omitted. It would tighten up the pace, which feels too rambling.
Again, only you can answer to that. In any event, please accept this in the manner in which it was intended.
It's good to be back with you.
Jay
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
 |
Hi, Shana. It's so good to get back with FanStory after a two-year hiatus and then to find so many of my friends from back then are still here and writing good stuff.
"I'm sure her and Nicolas will be here shortly." [I'm pointing it out fully knowing that dialogue trumps grammatical correctness every time, but in the interests of correctness, it should read, "I'm sure SHE and Nicolas..."]
"Hmmm..." he said, batting his brows. [I've heard of batting lashes, but not brows. Brows can be waggled or wiggled, though.]
Shana, you have not been sitting still during the two years I was gone. You've really honed your craft. If I were pressed to make a general suggestion to you, it would be to make a list of all the essential things this chapter must mention, the next essential, but helpful for mood or setting, and finally the least important. I'm speaking generally because I haven't read your Breedline series (I always loved that name), for two years, but I have a more intuitive feel that much of what went on in the first part of the chapter, while they were waiting, could be omitted. It would tighten up the pace, which feels too rambling.
Again, only you can answer to that. In any event, please accept this in the manner in which it was intended.
It's good to be back with you.
Jay
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
-
Thank you Jay! :)
It's so good to hear from you! Hope you are doing well my friend.
I have to say, you are the one who helped me through my first few years of struggling to get my writing down. I really owe you a huge thank you! I have continued to learn from many others here on FanStory. It's always a learning process to make your story better.
Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from AJ McCall
WHAT?!
Okay, first I want to commend you on introducing each and every character to where I could understand it. It's so sweet that everyone has a mate and is apart of this little community. But...
Joseph is dating Carrie!! They've encountered this evil thing that's possessing him, and I have a feeling that Carrie might be his next victim if he isn't strong enough to keep the Shadow out.
Oh, my gosh. Detective werewolves or better yet, Breedlines. Such a cool name. And they're a forgiving family, and they believe in God. But they curse, looks like God still needs to a bit more work on them, lol. I love the way you described all the guys... Bull, Roman, and Drakus... (I have a tendency to be drawn to big, towering characters, lol:) I'm taking notes on how you do things Shana! Wish I could write like this!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
|
WHAT?!
Okay, first I want to commend you on introducing each and every character to where I could understand it. It's so sweet that everyone has a mate and is apart of this little community. But...
Joseph is dating Carrie!! They've encountered this evil thing that's possessing him, and I have a feeling that Carrie might be his next victim if he isn't strong enough to keep the Shadow out.
Oh, my gosh. Detective werewolves or better yet, Breedlines. Such a cool name. And they're a forgiving family, and they believe in God. But they curse, looks like God still needs to a bit more work on them, lol. I love the way you described all the guys... Bull, Roman, and Drakus... (I have a tendency to be drawn to big, towering characters, lol:) I'm taking notes on how you do things Shana! Wish I could write like this!
Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
-
Thank you so much AJ :)
I am thrilled to hear you like my Breedline species. Yes, they are the good guys but still a little naughty at times. I want to keep my characters real and believable although they shift into giant wolves. My Breedline guys and gals are tough as nails and yes, sometimes they curse at times. I will give them a good spanking. LOL!
Thanks again for taking time to read my chapter. I know it was long, and some readers are saying take out the unnecessary chitchat, but this is how I let readers get to know my characters and their personalities. What are your suggestions?
Thanks again for the awesome feedback!
Shana :)
-
You're welcome, Shana! Make sure to give a good one, haha! My suggestions? I love to talk so, I'd say keep the dialogue, and keep the long chapters because not all of them are going to be short, and I especially love long books. You're welcome again!
-
Thanks for the feedback :) I'm like you, I love a thick book. I don't buy a book unless it has at least 300 pages. Mine usually runs close to 380 or more.
Thanks again!
-
Haha! Great minds think alike! You're welcome!
Comment from royowen
I was wondering if you had shifted the story to another theme. But no, it looks like the covenant is meeting to determine if and how and when to deal with the shadow, and gave some familiar background to poor Joseph's. The covenant have a new philosophy to be a deliberately forgiving community, but unlike God who loves more fervently than mankind, they struggle with the principle of forgiveness, but the best thing is to realise that can be overcome, bless you dear girl, the character of Joseph is agreeable, and he can fight against it, I think abused kids have difficulty in an unloving world, well done Shana, blessings Roy
Typo : They fitt(ed) (good) together, Well?
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
|
I was wondering if you had shifted the story to another theme. But no, it looks like the covenant is meeting to determine if and how and when to deal with the shadow, and gave some familiar background to poor Joseph's. The covenant have a new philosophy to be a deliberately forgiving community, but unlike God who loves more fervently than mankind, they struggle with the principle of forgiveness, but the best thing is to realise that can be overcome, bless you dear girl, the character of Joseph is agreeable, and he can fight against it, I think abused kids have difficulty in an unloving world, well done Shana, blessings Roy
Typo : They fitt(ed) (good) together, Well?
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
-
Thank you dear friend :)
Yes, the Breedline are tied into the story with Joseph and the Shadow. They are going to have a tough crack at this evil being. Although they are still hoping Jena's creature can destroy it, things may take a turn for the worst. Hopefully, something will guide them when it comes to saving humanity once again.
Thanks so much for the advice on the typo. I will take another look at it.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
-
Bless
Comment from fm wright
Yeah, what a way to start off Valentine's day. A really gripping and intense chapter. I like how you included so many of the characters. You have certainly set the stage for many possibilities as to what the next chapter might contain. The artwork, especially the right side is down right fiendish looking. Overall, I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
|
Yeah, what a way to start off Valentine's day. A really gripping and intense chapter. I like how you included so many of the characters. You have certainly set the stage for many possibilities as to what the next chapter might contain. The artwork, especially the right side is down right fiendish looking. Overall, I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, Faye :)
Wow... so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm sorry it was so long, but I wanted to give the reader a closer look at my characters. A few readers said I should leave out unnecessary chitchat between my characters, but I believe it's necessary. How else can you get to know the characters and their personalities? I love to read books where the author adds personal conversations. It helps me know more about the characters.
Thanks for your support! I found the artwork on Facebook and thought it looked creepy like the Shadow. LOL!
Hugs,
Shana :)
-
To me, it ws like real conversations, and not just dialogue, so I like that aspect, as well as deeper looks into your characters.
Hugs,
Faye
-
Thanks for the feedback :)
-
You are so welcome.
Hugs,
Faye
