Halloween Party
When does the fun begin?24 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
-The first five lines are one long run-on sentence that would read better as more concise ones.
-mountain side should be the compound word mountainside.
-Seems the terrorising driver got his comeuppance.
My reviews are mere observations. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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-The first five lines are one long run-on sentence that would read better as more concise ones.
-mountain side should be the compound word mountainside.
-Seems the terrorising driver got his comeuppance.
My reviews are mere observations. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Thank you Brett for your review and critique. I appreciate your comment about a long run-on sentence. Being mindful of this can help me write more concise sentences. I welcome your observations. Thank you for the stars.
Comment from amada
This Halloween story was different; it really kept my attention, and my surprise was really surprising, a new and creative thrill to his reader. Your descriptions are superb. Nice to read your work.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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This Halloween story was different; it really kept my attention, and my surprise was really surprising, a new and creative thrill to his reader. Your descriptions are superb. Nice to read your work.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Hi Amada,
I am thrilled that you took time to read my Halloween story. The idea to write was suggested to me by a friend a little over a year ago. So this is a fairly new endeavor for me. I posted my first story earlier this month. Your review and comments are quite encouraging and I thank you. Thank you also for the stars.
Comment from Ben B.
What a twist! I thought this was a story from the victim but it became a story about the predator. I take it he was a vampire? Oh how I love this narration twists!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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What a twist! I thought this was a story from the victim but it became a story about the predator. I take it he was a vampire? Oh how I love this narration twists!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Thank you, thank you, thank you for six stars. I really appreciate your review and comments. This was a true trick or treat story. The joker played a trick but the vampire got the treat (blood). Once again thanks for ready my story.
Comment from papa55mike
That's why you have to be sure about the guests you invite. It may be an alien vampire. What a wonderfully written story. I wish I had a six for you.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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That's why you have to be sure about the guests you invite. It may be an alien vampire. What a wonderfully written story. I wish I had a six for you.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your review and comments. I agree with you on knowing who you invite into your home. If they're not a vampire, they might still bring in a virus. I appreciate your thinking this story warranted a sixth star. Thanks again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Halloween flash fiction and the Halloween celebrations that end not so well. A joker who tried to scare another end up murdered gruesome when he tries to be funny.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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A very well-written Halloween flash fiction and the Halloween celebrations that end not so well. A joker who tried to scare another end up murdered gruesome when he tries to be funny.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Sandra,
You got the message of the story. A joker trying to be funny plays a "trick" and the victim gets the "treat" (blood). Thank you for your review and stars. They are much appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I just knew something unexpected was coming, but then was still caught completely off guard with your ending. Tis the season for ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and yes, vampires. Wish I had a six. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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I just knew something unexpected was coming, but then was still caught completely off guard with your ending. Tis the season for ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and yes, vampires. Wish I had a six. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you Ric for your review. I'm glad the story caught you off guard because it's a Halloween story and we all know something HAS to happen. I appreciate your comments and stars.
Comment from Monica Chaddick
Wow! You really got me on that one. I didn't expect that ending at all. Look out for that one. A really good twist. Please feel free to review my story, Fall Decorations. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Wow! You really got me on that one. I didn't expect that ending at all. Look out for that one. A really good twist. Please feel free to review my story, Fall Decorations. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Monica,
Thank you for your review and comments. I appreciate your sixth star. I believe I reviewed "Fall Decorations," the story about the school teacher. I will be reading your other work as well. Thanks again for your generosity.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Stunning--what a twist--never saw that coming--masterful description of scene--excellent narration--building suspense--then the tables turn horribly. Gruesome!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Stunning--what a twist--never saw that coming--masterful description of scene--excellent narration--building suspense--then the tables turn horribly. Gruesome!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Elizabeth, one of my all-time favorite writers. Thank you for reviewing my little story. I appreciate your kind comments and stars. I'm still learning. Thanks again.
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Thank you!!!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is excellent. I really enjoyed it.
Just a few little problems of agreement in the tenses that you could do with tightening up.
e.g. had invited needs had given
My co-worker is next. ? will be
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This is excellent. I really enjoyed it.
Just a few little problems of agreement in the tenses that you could do with tightening up.
e.g. had invited needs had given
My co-worker is next. ? will be
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Katherine,
Thank you for your review and suggestions. I appreciate comments on the story, but it is equally important to hear from experienced writers on the actual writing. A story can be great, but if it's not told properly, it is a waste of the reader's time. I hope you keep an eye on me to keep me straight. Thank you, dear friend in writing.
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I did point you in the right direction of tense use which was to me the disruptive aspect of the writing. Reading 30 to 60 stories a day I can only sketch out one or two examples, then it's up to you to follow through.
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I'm going to change the last sentence, and review the story for tense issues. Thanks.
Comment from Jay Squires
A fun and gripping read. You provided a very good twist at the end where the persued becomes the pursuer--the one the reader invests sympathy and fear for, becomes the killer in the last paragraph. Good timing and pace. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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A fun and gripping read. You provided a very good twist at the end where the persued becomes the pursuer--the one the reader invests sympathy and fear for, becomes the killer in the last paragraph. Good timing and pace. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you for your review and comments. I appreciate the stars. I'm glad you feel the timing and pace was adequate, and thanks for your good wishes for the contest.
