Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Sleeper"American Isekai
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like your tongue-in-cheek humor: "Ha, when it comes right down to it, humanity rises and falls one dump at a time." It's interesting how Paul seems to go in and out of consciousness. It creates a bit of gallows humor.
  |
I like your tongue-in-cheek humor: "Ha, when it comes right down to it, humanity rises and falls one dump at a time." It's interesting how Paul seems to go in and out of consciousness. It creates a bit of gallows humor.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
Comment from judiverse
Crista is so well, maybe not stupid, but she is ignorant. It's dreadful that she thinks nothing of calling Paul master. Her thoughts don't seem to rise above the level of sex. She's there for the taking, and no wonder Paul feels like taking advantage of the opportunity she flaunts. He, however, has reasons to hesitate, namely her age and the dangers of childbirth in this primitive country. He tries to give the matter some thought, but Crista is all mindless temptation. Great characterization. Intriguing story. judi
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
 |
Crista is so well, maybe not stupid, but she is ignorant. It's dreadful that she thinks nothing of calling Paul master. Her thoughts don't seem to rise above the level of sex. She's there for the taking, and no wonder Paul feels like taking advantage of the opportunity she flaunts. He, however, has reasons to hesitate, namely her age and the dangers of childbirth in this primitive country. He tries to give the matter some thought, but Crista is all mindless temptation. Great characterization. Intriguing story. judi
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much, Judi.
-
You're welcome. I can just hear Crista singing "I Enjoy being a Slave." What a country. judi
-
She's also married. But, when her chapters come up, more of her backstory will be revealed.
-
I hope Paul can bring some changes to this odd and backward society. judi
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm too old to be reading stuff like this! Haha, actually it was a very good read. Check below, Lance, for some things I think I discovered. Well, I know I discovered, but I think you may want to check out:
'That is as maybe, but that doesn't mean I have to let you pay for my coffee!' [That's choice!]
It was hard work, but when your friends are with you, it didn't matter. [You started this in the past tense, drifted into the present with "are with you," then slipped back to the past.]
Sunrise waas about an hour away. [spelling]
and lifted her onto of him with ease. [oops!]
Instantly, their hungry mouths [Frankly, Lance, I think I would find a substitute for "hungry" or go without an adjective. It's overused.]
He felt himself slide into her just a little. [Did I miss something? Did you write something to imply that he hadn't penetrated yet?]
She face rested on his neck, [Um...]
and he was only halfway in. [At this point I find myself asking whether he's sporting a 12 inch wang!]
he wasn't going to fuck her [I think you mean he WAS going to or he wasn't going to STOP]
and he was not longer partially inside Crista; [he was NO longer...]
there was also fear. "It's, it's... bigger!" [The dream of any man!]
Thanks for sharing, Lance.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
|
I'm too old to be reading stuff like this! Haha, actually it was a very good read. Check below, Lance, for some things I think I discovered. Well, I know I discovered, but I think you may want to check out:
'That is as maybe, but that doesn't mean I have to let you pay for my coffee!' [That's choice!]
It was hard work, but when your friends are with you, it didn't matter. [You started this in the past tense, drifted into the present with "are with you," then slipped back to the past.]
Sunrise waas about an hour away. [spelling]
and lifted her onto of him with ease. [oops!]
Instantly, their hungry mouths [Frankly, Lance, I think I would find a substitute for "hungry" or go without an adjective. It's overused.]
He felt himself slide into her just a little. [Did I miss something? Did you write something to imply that he hadn't penetrated yet?]
She face rested on his neck, [Um...]
and he was only halfway in. [At this point I find myself asking whether he's sporting a 12 inch wang!]
he wasn't going to fuck her [I think you mean he WAS going to or he wasn't going to STOP]
and he was not longer partially inside Crista; [he was NO longer...]
there was also fear. "It's, it's... bigger!" [The dream of any man!]
Thanks for sharing, Lance.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
-
LOL. maybe he does have a foot long. Thanks for the all the help, Jay.
-
You're more than welcome, Lance. I hope it was helpful.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear lancellot, your authors notes were very helpful in understanding what you were trying to accomplish in this chapter. I still have some catching up to do! Particularly to discover how Derek was reborn as Paul. So it is hard for me to really do this chapter justice.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
|
Dear lancellot, your authors notes were very helpful in understanding what you were trying to accomplish in this chapter. I still have some catching up to do! Particularly to discover how Derek was reborn as Paul. So it is hard for me to really do this chapter justice.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
-
Thank you. Ah, how Derek was reborn as Paul? That's a good question, unfortunately that doesn't get answered until much later. But, there are some clues so far.
-
Thank you for the first clue to what I suspect will be a page turner Novel
-
Thank you for the first clue to what I suspect will be a page turner Novel
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This post has me wondering exactly what's going on. I can't wait for more explanation. I am sure something interesting just happened more than the obvious.
Sunrise waas about an hour away. (was)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
|
This post has me wondering exactly what's going on. I can't wait for more explanation. I am sure something interesting just happened more than the obvious.
Sunrise waas about an hour away. (was)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. Yes, all this happened hours after the last chapter. I wanted the reader to see the similarities in mother and son.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I am new to writing and would like to learn a lot from experienced writers like you. I enjoyed this episode although I have missed the earlier ones. It is a learning process for me. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
|
I am new to writing and would like to learn a lot from experienced writers like you. I enjoyed this episode although I have missed the earlier ones. It is a learning process for me. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
-
Thank you. If you get a chance you should read Mastery, his novels are well written and researched. I study his writing.
-
Thank you.I am doing it and am in the learning process!:)
Comment from Ben B.
Oh my that got a little steamy. I bet Paul is going to regret his actions in the morning if he hadn't already. Wasn't he turned off when his wife said that she already did this before?
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
|
Oh my that got a little steamy. I bet Paul is going to regret his actions in the morning if he hadn't already. Wasn't he turned off when his wife said that she already did this before?
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
-
Turned off. No way, she could have said she screwed Satan and Paul still would not have stopped. He could not have. There is much about himself that he doesn't know yet.
Thank you.
