Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Chapter thirteen; part one"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
73 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya has decided to go after Steven. She wants to convince him of her love. When she gets there, she finds her father. Her father forces her to choose. She picks Steven. She picked the man she loved.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Leya has decided to go after Steven. She wants to convince him of her love. When she gets there, she finds her father. Her father forces her to choose. She picks Steven. She picked the man she loved.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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We shall see what happens next. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from mjfande
Another excellent chapter. I really liked the direction that you took with the story. Poor Leya will be pretty fragile after that scene. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Another excellent chapter. I really liked the direction that you took with the story. Poor Leya will be pretty fragile after that scene. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
i thought this piece had good flow and was wellthought out and presented the dialog was believeable and at the end it left me wanting more goood job
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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i thought this piece had good flow and was wellthought out and presented the dialog was believeable and at the end it left me wanting more goood job
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from tammipratt
Hi Barbara
The dialogue and character developed was well done.
Very important, so you've done well with that.
No spelling, grammar or punctuation errors that I could see.
You've done a great job.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Hi Barbara
The dialogue and character developed was well done.
Very important, so you've done well with that.
No spelling, grammar or punctuation errors that I could see.
You've done a great job.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I am so glad I had a six to give you. This chapter deserves it.
Excellent chapter. Can't wait for the next installment but it may be a couple of weeks. My surgery is Monday.
Good writing.
Roberta
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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I am so glad I had a six to give you. This chapter deserves it.
Excellent chapter. Can't wait for the next installment but it may be a couple of weeks. My surgery is Monday.
Good writing.
Roberta
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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I will pray your surgery goes well. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Anned100
Hi Barbara.
I enjoyed this tension and twist in this chapter. Leya's action was very clear in this scene.
A suggestion - convert the "in the head" thoughts to expository. Don't let her figure everything out. Dangle suspense throughout. Example below:
As she opened the door, knowing someone was on duty, she tried to remember what security she would have to avoid. She took her chances that there was only one monitor.
The scene between her and the father is very suspenseful.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Anne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Hi Barbara.
I enjoyed this tension and twist in this chapter. Leya's action was very clear in this scene.
A suggestion - convert the "in the head" thoughts to expository. Don't let her figure everything out. Dangle suspense throughout. Example below:
As she opened the door, knowing someone was on duty, she tried to remember what security she would have to avoid. She took her chances that there was only one monitor.
The scene between her and the father is very suspenseful.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Anne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from jwlee211
I really liked this story. Great dialogue. The choice Leya had to make. To kill her father. How does one do that? I could feel her being forced to have to make that choice.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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I really liked this story. Great dialogue. The choice Leya had to make. To kill her father. How does one do that? I could feel her being forced to have to make that choice.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from prophetess
very good story Barb. This is the first chapter I have read and will be following it from now on. I only wish it were in paperback so I could read it from cover to cover in one night, like I do all good books. Thanks for a really good read.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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very good story Barb. This is the first chapter I have read and will be following it from now on. I only wish it were in paperback so I could read it from cover to cover in one night, like I do all good books. Thanks for a really good read.
Prophetess
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you very much for your kind review. I appreciate it.
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You're welcome Barbara, the pleasure was mine.
Comment from RebelRose
Boy, she got there just in time but i hate that she will have that on her conscience that she killed her father even though he gave her no choice. I hope Steven gets to her before she gets too far. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Boy, she got there just in time but i hate that she will have that on her conscience that she killed her father even though he gave her no choice. I hope Steven gets to her before she gets too far. Great chapter.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Where did she go? Strong set up before the father killing. What I really like about your writing is not using too many none needed word. Straight to the point in each line. Reads fast and smooth.
Dave
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Where did she go? Strong set up before the father killing. What I really like about your writing is not using too many none needed word. Straight to the point in each line. Reads fast and smooth.
Dave
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I often get gigged for not using more descriptive words. I keep telling them that's not my style, but they still gig me.
