Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haiku suite (goldfish)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
67 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a clever suite of haiku - I especially loved the last one, but all are marvelous - oh wait, the first one...oh sheesh, they are all so good. :)) This is such a wonderful form when used properly, and from what I have read of yours, you exemplify how haiku should be written.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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What a clever suite of haiku - I especially loved the last one, but all are marvelous - oh wait, the first one...oh sheesh, they are all so good. :)) This is such a wonderful form when used properly, and from what I have read of yours, you exemplify how haiku should be written.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Yes, Dawn, I spent three days and over seventy draft lines after I observed a goldfish pond in a church courtyard. I am glad you found my haiku suit clever. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
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Wow! Well, it shows. :))
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Yes, I can spend days on one haiku. I carry a notebook with me so I can write my ideas anywhere. When my pen ran out of ink, I wrote revisions of my haiku on my iPhone for the first time. Thanks.
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It was my pleasure (and I've been known to make notes on my grocery list on the way to shop. LOL)
Comment from TAB_that's me
Love them all but especially numbers 1 and 3, especially the satori in number 1. It is so original.
Everything is perfect.
teresa
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Love them all but especially numbers 1 and 3, especially the satori in number 1. It is so original.
Everything is perfect.
teresa
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Teresa, for your review. I am glad you found my haiku, especially 1 and 2, perfect.
Comment from Janet Foor
We have friends who have a koi fish pond and there is a restaurant near us that has one. They are fun to watch and your haiku suite was a joy to read. I especially like the 2nd one. I'm sure they would much prefer mosquitos to algae. I liked the alliteration in the last one and the satori lines in each were certainly the aha of each haiku. Well done..
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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We have friends who have a koi fish pond and there is a restaurant near us that has one. They are fun to watch and your haiku suite was a joy to read. I especially like the 2nd one. I'm sure they would much prefer mosquitos to algae. I liked the alliteration in the last one and the satori lines in each were certainly the aha of each haiku. Well done..
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Yes, Janet, I am sure those fish would prefer mosquitoes. The church groundskeeper surprised me when he told me that he never feeds the goldfish because they live off of algae and mosquitoes. Since it is now winter, those fish will have to wait months for a "warm meal." Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Leineco
Three wonderful individual haiku that blend perfectly as a triptych. . .I particularly like that they are all of the same style (i.e. - what I call the
picture & caption)
pickled autumn, hurry mosquitos! & sunken treasure; all wonderful captions that suit the pictures you have painted of a koi pond once autumn has shed her foliage :-)
(too late, I fear, for the mosquitos. . .at least here, where the cold temps at night have doomed them ;-) )
Nicely done!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Three wonderful individual haiku that blend perfectly as a triptych. . .I particularly like that they are all of the same style (i.e. - what I call the
picture & caption)
pickled autumn, hurry mosquitos! & sunken treasure; all wonderful captions that suit the pictures you have painted of a koi pond once autumn has shed her foliage :-)
(too late, I fear, for the mosquitos. . .at least here, where the cold temps at night have doomed them ;-) )
Nicely done!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Yes, Leineco, too late for the mosquitoes. The church groundskeeper surprised me when he told me that he never feeds the goldfish because they live off of algae and mosquitoes. Since it is now winter, those fish will have to wait months for a "warm meal." Thank you for your generous, review of my picture and caption haiku.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
your choice of words to each
of your haikus have vivid
imagery. I particularly like
the third.
Most impressive presentation.
Margaret
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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your choice of words to each
of your haikus have vivid
imagery. I particularly like
the third.
Most impressive presentation.
Margaret
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Margaret, for your generous review. I am glad you found my haiku impressive.
Comment from Cedar
Your haiku, in triplet, are all very well penned. The picture that you selected to accompany your trilogy matches your words perfectly. Very well done...Bill
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Your haiku, in triplet, are all very well penned. The picture that you selected to accompany your trilogy matches your words perfectly. Very well done...Bill
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Bill, for your review of my haiku in triplet. I am glad you found them to be well-penned.
Comment from rjuselius
This is a brilliant haiku suite dear andre! Your satoris are very strong and your chosen words play on. The alliteration is also a nice touch. The first one is my favorite but all are good.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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This is a brilliant haiku suite dear andre! Your satoris are very strong and your chosen words play on. The alliteration is also a nice touch. The first one is my favorite but all are good.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Rebekka, for your generous, six star review of my "brilliant haiku suite." Thanks again. I much appreciate it.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
While they are all lovely examples of the haiku form, number three is by far my favorite.
seen through cold drizzle - beautiful imagery here with subtle seasonal reference and an almost surreal visual response
goldfish glint and glitter - concrete imagery that enhances the visual impact to line one and is seamlessly connected without need of annoying filler words
sunken treasures - stunning satori as it encapsulates the entire scene with a poetic observation
Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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While they are all lovely examples of the haiku form, number three is by far my favorite.
seen through cold drizzle - beautiful imagery here with subtle seasonal reference and an almost surreal visual response
goldfish glint and glitter - concrete imagery that enhances the visual impact to line one and is seamlessly connected without need of annoying filler words
sunken treasures - stunning satori as it encapsulates the entire scene with a poetic observation
Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Mystic Angel, for your generous, detailed review. I am glad I saved the best haiku for last.
Comment from fimarie78
I enjoyed reading this suite. I anticipated that it would be about a goldfish in a bowl, so was pleasantly surprised to find them living in a pond.
I liked the use of the word blanket in the first stanza and the reference to maple leaves, gives us an idea of where the poem is set. The word pickled puzzled me.
Nice alliteration in the last stanza and a nice ending.]
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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I enjoyed reading this suite. I anticipated that it would be about a goldfish in a bowl, so was pleasantly surprised to find them living in a pond.
I liked the use of the word blanket in the first stanza and the reference to maple leaves, gives us an idea of where the poem is set. The word pickled puzzled me.
Nice alliteration in the last stanza and a nice ending.]
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, fimarie78, for your review. I selected the word "blanket" when I discovered that the Japanese consider this to be a code word for winter, because people get out warm blankets and clothes in winter. I was astounded last Wednesday to look into the goldfish pond to find on the bottom leaves preserved from autumn, thus my "pickled" reference. Thanks again.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
The goldfish is a freshwater fish and it was one of the earliest fish to be domesticated and is one of the most commonly kept aquarium fish. Thanks for the lovely haikus as a tribute to them.
Bill~
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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The goldfish is a freshwater fish and it was one of the earliest fish to be domesticated and is one of the most commonly kept aquarium fish. Thanks for the lovely haikus as a tribute to them.
Bill~
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Bill, for your review of my haiku tribute to goldfish. I appreciate it. I think the fish do, too.
