Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 3, Part 4"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
79 total reviews
Comment from Onixxiya
Paige seems so sweetly innocent and Cash is become more and more appealing as your male lead the more snippets I read. Their exchanges are always so genuine, I just love reading this story.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Paige seems so sweetly innocent and Cash is become more and more appealing as your male lead the more snippets I read. Their exchanges are always so genuine, I just love reading this story.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
Comment from Deejharrington
Things are getting very interesting and involved. Paige and Cash, and with the ghosts:) I bet there is nothing wrong with the lights. The characters are very real and the action holds the interest.
deb
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Things are getting very interesting and involved. Paige and Cash, and with the ghosts:) I bet there is nothing wrong with the lights. The characters are very real and the action holds the interest.
deb
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
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you're welcome
deb
Comment from Writingfundimension
Another very enjoyable chapter, barbara. This is getting very interesting as the paranormal activity increases. Can't wait to see where you lead us. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Another very enjoyable chapter, barbara. This is getting very interesting as the paranormal activity increases. Can't wait to see where you lead us. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
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You're welcome, barbara.
Comment from Mai Mai
You write very well. I found your characters to be interesting and their budding relationship to be interesting as well. Of course, I have not read the previous chapters, so I can't tell if this chapter actually moves your story forward or stretches out the development of a relationship. If it moves you forward good job, but if it only stretched out the development of the relationship you may want to rethink. Good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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You write very well. I found your characters to be interesting and their budding relationship to be interesting as well. Of course, I have not read the previous chapters, so I can't tell if this chapter actually moves your story forward or stretches out the development of a relationship. If it moves you forward good job, but if it only stretched out the development of the relationship you may want to rethink. Good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
Comment from Selestia
Story continues to unfold in very appealing ways. I like the sexual tension building between Paige and Cash. The suspense about what is really going on in the house continues to build. Are there really ghosts or someone trying to scare Paige off?
The following phrase sounds unnatural "teenage males".
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Story continues to unfold in very appealing ways. I like the sexual tension building between Paige and Cash. The suspense about what is really going on in the house continues to build. Are there really ghosts or someone trying to scare Paige off?
The following phrase sounds unnatural "teenage males".
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
Comment from RaymondJohn
Is there something Paige should fear? It seems to be good foreshadowing. She may be a little naive, but seems to be a canny artist. Good chapter. Ray.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Is there something Paige should fear? It seems to be good foreshadowing. She may be a little naive, but seems to be a canny artist. Good chapter. Ray.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Great chapter. Cash is a real gentleman, Barbara. I like him. Hmmm...what's with those lights? I like the way you're building up the mystery and the tension.
Very enjoyable.
Av
x
Cash clinched his jaw. - should this be 'clenched'?
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Great chapter. Cash is a real gentleman, Barbara. I like him. Hmmm...what's with those lights? I like the way you're building up the mystery and the tension.
Very enjoyable.
Av
x
Cash clinched his jaw. - should this be 'clenched'?
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I'll check it out.
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Great pacing and dialogue. Seems to be heating up subtly, but surely as they get more and more... familiar with each other. Well done. I liked the bit of gallantry down by the river. One suggestion. Where you referred to the kids as 'teenage males' it sounds kinda stiff for a narrative. How about 'teenage boys' or just 'teens' since you let us know they're boys right after that? Just a thought. Hope it's helpful. This is a good story and it keeps the reader's interest deftly, all the way through. Bravo!
cheers
js
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Great pacing and dialogue. Seems to be heating up subtly, but surely as they get more and more... familiar with each other. Well done. I liked the bit of gallantry down by the river. One suggestion. Where you referred to the kids as 'teenage males' it sounds kinda stiff for a narrative. How about 'teenage boys' or just 'teens' since you let us know they're boys right after that? Just a thought. Hope it's helpful. This is a good story and it keeps the reader's interest deftly, all the way through. Bravo!
cheers
js
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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I will correct that area. I was going to put teenagers but I was afraid I would get a hit because there aren't any girls. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Good pacing and fine dialog, as usual for you in this genre. I sense relationships developing between your characters well with subtle emotional overtones, even without reading all chapters. Fine work, no major flaws.
A few sugegstions for your consideration:
*"I wouldn't go that far, besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
I wouldn't go that far; besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
or
I wouldn't go that far. Besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
*"I didn't want to be a bother. How did you know I was here?" She sighed. "Nala told you."
"I didn't want to be a bother. How'd you know I was here?" She sighed. "Nala told you."
**"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his shirt, and put it around her shoulders. "I'll give you a ride home."
This sounds odd--the reader imagines he is now bare chested. i might sound better if you specify the shirt type as one that he wore over an undershirt, or a sweater or sweatshirt, or whatever.
Example
"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his long-sleeved sweatshirt, and put it around her shoulders. "I'll give you a ride home."
Warmly,r d
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Good pacing and fine dialog, as usual for you in this genre. I sense relationships developing between your characters well with subtle emotional overtones, even without reading all chapters. Fine work, no major flaws.
A few sugegstions for your consideration:
*"I wouldn't go that far, besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
I wouldn't go that far; besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
or
I wouldn't go that far. Besides, I've seen the way you look at her."
*"I didn't want to be a bother. How did you know I was here?" She sighed. "Nala told you."
"I didn't want to be a bother. How'd you know I was here?" She sighed. "Nala told you."
**"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his shirt, and put it around her shoulders. "I'll give you a ride home."
This sounds odd--the reader imagines he is now bare chested. i might sound better if you specify the shirt type as one that he wore over an undershirt, or a sweater or sweatshirt, or whatever.
Example
"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his long-sleeved sweatshirt, and put it around her shoulders. "I'll give you a ride home."
Warmly,r d
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb, glad I'm able to catch your chapter. I got lots of catching up to do.
See some suggestions:
"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his shirt, and put it around her shoulders. - does this mean he's shirtless now? I can't help thinking the shirt could have his body scent...
"But you don't have any problems going down to the waterfront after dark by yourself, right?" He let out a small groan of disgust. - I thought 'disgust' is too strong a word here. It's close to hatred. Maybe 'impatience', or simply 'He groaned'. We get the picture enough.
Cash used his arms to do a push up off her, then stood [up]. - consider delete second 'up'.
He [lowered his hand] to help her up. - reached out?
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Hi barb, glad I'm able to catch your chapter. I got lots of catching up to do.
See some suggestions:
"I see you didn't bring a jacket." He handed her the camera, removed his shirt, and put it around her shoulders. - does this mean he's shirtless now? I can't help thinking the shirt could have his body scent...
"But you don't have any problems going down to the waterfront after dark by yourself, right?" He let out a small groan of disgust. - I thought 'disgust' is too strong a word here. It's close to hatred. Maybe 'impatience', or simply 'He groaned'. We get the picture enough.
Cash used his arms to do a push up off her, then stood [up]. - consider delete second 'up'.
He [lowered his hand] to help her up. - reached out?
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Sorry for the late response. I had to wait until I had time to make the correction. Thank you for the eagle eye. I appreciate the help.
