Life's Work
A flash fiction contest entry.30 total reviews
Comment from phill doran
Hello C2,
Very good. There's a fair bit of story here, and in such a limited space - you've used your allotted words well (if it helps, Mt Gates and I make it 249 words). The central character is painted defy, with just a few strokes. It reminded me of The Water Engine.
A good mystery write, allowing the reader to draw their own conclusion.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Hello C2,
Very good. There's a fair bit of story here, and in such a limited space - you've used your allotted words well (if it helps, Mt Gates and I make it 249 words). The central character is painted defy, with just a few strokes. It reminded me of The Water Engine.
A good mystery write, allowing the reader to draw their own conclusion.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 11-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Thank phill. I worried that I might not have established Billy?s naïveté with enough credibility to make the end work. If it didn?t bother you I?m probably safe in that regard. Thanks for the support and positive review!
UPDATE:
Well, I had never heard of The Water Engine but googled it after reading your review and now will have to watch the movie. I think Mamet is one of?if not the?greatest writers of dialogue for stage or screen. Maybe QuentinnTarantino tops him?? I got this idea from a blurb a read about a guy named Lester Hendershot which is certainly a better name thannBilly Smallwood. Hendershot supposedly invented a fueleds motor and was more certainly not murdered for it but the story got me thinking dark thoughts. Now I have a dark movie to watch if I can find a site that will stream it!
Comment from LisaMay
Commercial piracy can be deadly, as the naive Billy Smallwood discovered in Guadalajara. Your story looked initially to be a success story for a dedicated life, but then took a very dark turn of murder. Well told. Gripping.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Commercial piracy can be deadly, as the naive Billy Smallwood discovered in Guadalajara. Your story looked initially to be a success story for a dedicated life, but then took a very dark turn of murder. Well told. Gripping.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Thanks Lisa. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from karenina
Great "Flash" contest entry. Regardless of ingenuity he lacked common sense...
People will take you down in a heartbeat if it's lucrative for them!
I didn't see the ending coming (good on you!)
But whoa, it's the dark world we live in today!
Karenina
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Great "Flash" contest entry. Regardless of ingenuity he lacked common sense...
People will take you down in a heartbeat if it's lucrative for them!
I didn't see the ending coming (good on you!)
But whoa, it's the dark world we live in today!
Karenina
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Thank you karenina. I worried that I might not have established Billy?s naïveté with enough credibility to make the end work. If it didn?t bother you then I?m probably safe in that regard. Thanks for your encouraging words!
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It worked for me!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
. . . and some thief got away with murder and a way
to make a bazillion dollars. I enjoyed your contest
entry, C2. You did a great job setting it up and leading
readers along, then, WOW what an ending.
Best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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. . . and some thief got away with murder and a way
to make a bazillion dollars. I enjoyed your contest
entry, C2. You did a great job setting it up and leading
readers along, then, WOW what an ending.
Best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading it Jan?glad you "enjoyed" the ending. I worried it might be an obvious set-up. Pleased to know it got a WOW from you!
Comment from Whitewave
A very clever flash fiction tale with a fascinating current of reality. I believe free electricity is, and should be, available to us all but for the power hungry profiteers who control the switch.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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A very clever flash fiction tale with a fascinating current of reality. I believe free electricity is, and should be, available to us all but for the power hungry profiteers who control the switch.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading it and for the generous review!
Comment from jessizero
Oh no! I so wanted things to work out for him. This was terrible, but it was well-written and well told. This was a great piece of flash fiction. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Oh no! I so wanted things to work out for him. This was terrible, but it was well-written and well told. This was a great piece of flash fiction. Best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Yea?this fairytale took a dark turn on me. Happens sometimes! Thank you for reading it and for the kind review!
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. The images are clear. The language fits the subject. The picture fits well with the story. The flow is good. The ending is well written.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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An interesting story. The images are clear. The language fits the subject. The picture fits well with the story. The flow is good. The ending is well written.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading it and for the kind review!
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You are welcome.
Comment from royowen
Ah what a great post, was it the wife, who thought her husband was "piddling" (which is what my mother would have thought) or was it the unscrupulous would be investor, but perhaps you're the only one who might know, beautifully written my friend, good luck, great post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Ah what a great post, was it the wife, who thought her husband was "piddling" (which is what my mother would have thought) or was it the unscrupulous would be investor, but perhaps you're the only one who might know, beautifully written my friend, good luck, great post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you Roy!
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Well done
Comment from nomi338
Sometimes what you know can cause you harm, especially if you do not have a backup plan in place. If your invention is worth millions you do not travel alone to a foreign country with the original plans on your person or in your briefcase. You meet with any interested party on your terms and in a location that you choose. Do not be a dummy, you have come to far already to fall for one of the oldest tricks in the world.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Sometimes what you know can cause you harm, especially if you do not have a backup plan in place. If your invention is worth millions you do not travel alone to a foreign country with the original plans on your person or in your briefcase. You meet with any interested party on your terms and in a location that you choose. Do not be a dummy, you have come to far already to fall for one of the oldest tricks in the world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Yea?this guy was definitely naive. Thank you for reading it and for the kind review!
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Great flash fiction entry. The twist at the end makes the story and illustrates the greed involved in business affairs. A very clever piece. Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Great flash fiction entry. The twist at the end makes the story and illustrates the greed involved in business affairs. A very clever piece. Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading it and for the kind review!
