Haiku Club Challenges, Book II
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "haibun (dead flowers)"an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets
26 total reviews
Comment from MizKat
Hi Gypsy,
I haven't been able to write very many poems lately. It seems as though my mind is getting worse and worse. Thanks for what you've written.
Kat
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
  |
Hi Gypsy,
I haven't been able to write very many poems lately. It seems as though my mind is getting worse and worse. Thanks for what you've written.
Kat
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Joan E.
You labeled the poem "general"--so, I hope the haibun is not biographical. Your vivid simile at the conclusion of the prose is very compelling and the haiku is poignant. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
You labeled the poem "general"--so, I hope the haibun is not biographical. Your vivid simile at the conclusion of the prose is very compelling and the haiku is poignant. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day. It's true.
Gypsy hugs
-
I am sorry your days have been dark. Here's to more sunshine in your life. Hugs- Joan
-
Thank you very much sweetie pie
Comment from Sis Cat
Superb haibun, Gypsy, on depression that consumes ones days and nights to such an extent that upon awaking in the morning you cry, "Oh God another day of emptiness." I know the feeling and have been there myself but am much better. Also effective is you simile for hope "like a baby holds on to her mother's finger.... for dear life." This hope is echoed in your haiku about dead flowers containing the seeds for tomorrow, only to be sapped by the inertia of another day. This is powerful and creative writing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
Superb haibun, Gypsy, on depression that consumes ones days and nights to such an extent that upon awaking in the morning you cry, "Oh God another day of emptiness." I know the feeling and have been there myself but am much better. Also effective is you simile for hope "like a baby holds on to her mother's finger.... for dear life." This hope is echoed in your haiku about dead flowers containing the seeds for tomorrow, only to be sapped by the inertia of another day. This is powerful and creative writing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from robyn corum
Oh, Gypsy,
I'm so sorry to hear that your depression is back. I hate that!! It's such a trying and difficult time and so hard to see beyond the darkness to the bright days that you KNOW will eventually come again. I will be thinking about you and praying for you every day. Sending hugs --
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
Oh, Gypsy,
I'm so sorry to hear that your depression is back. I hate that!! It's such a trying and difficult time and so hard to see beyond the darkness to the bright days that you KNOW will eventually come again. I will be thinking about you and praying for you every day. Sending hugs --
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from dragonpoet
This isn't the kind of life anyone would want to live. It sounds like the speaker needs initial medical help or a change in medication to make life more bearable.
It must be horrible to always be thinking of suicide. The last word erases the hope of the first two lines of the haiku. Inertia seems to say that there is no hope of change. If you use new life for the last line then the reader can see a better future.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
This isn't the kind of life anyone would want to live. It sounds like the speaker needs initial medical help or a change in medication to make life more bearable.
It must be horrible to always be thinking of suicide. The last word erases the hope of the first two lines of the haiku. Inertia seems to say that there is no hope of change. If you use new life for the last line then the reader can see a better future.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy
-
Any time, Gypsy. Same to you.
Joan
Comment from royowen
I can remember my days of drunkeness and gambling, some trinkets to mask the hopelessness and the daily grind, at least when drunk the pain, but them the hangover and awareness! But then I met God, and hopefilled reality came. I can identify with the mantra and the depression. Well done, beautifully written, all one needs is hope! Beautifully illustrated in verse Gypsy, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
I can remember my days of drunkeness and gambling, some trinkets to mask the hopelessness and the daily grind, at least when drunk the pain, but them the hangover and awareness! But then I met God, and hopefilled reality came. I can identify with the mantra and the depression. Well done, beautifully written, all one needs is hope! Beautifully illustrated in verse Gypsy, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy
-
Most welcome Gypsy
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Sister. What is the first part of this MariVal? Is this a true story for you? I feel the ache and it hurts, but then it's supposed to isn't it. Master of Pain has taken his payment in huge gluttonous amounts lately methinks.
You bring hope to the reader with the Haiku though. "contain the seeds of tomorrow -" feels like no matter what a happy moment is only on the horizon.
Well written. I'm feeling you today Sister. xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
Hello Sister. What is the first part of this MariVal? Is this a true story for you? I feel the ache and it hurts, but then it's supposed to isn't it. Master of Pain has taken his payment in huge gluttonous amounts lately methinks.
You bring hope to the reader with the Haiku though. "contain the seeds of tomorrow -" feels like no matter what a happy moment is only on the horizon.
Well written. I'm feeling you today Sister. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day. A haibun is part prose and part haiku. The prose part explains and sets the mood for the haiku. It is true.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from DR DIP
Is your prelim to your haiku a true account of what you are experiencing Gypsy. I have suffered severe depression at various times in recent years having been hospitalised 4 times but each time I come back a more creative person. The main thing is you can talk about it to others and that is a big thing. Unless one has experienced depression they have no idea what one is going through.
Thankyou for sharing your Haiku
dip
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
|
Is your prelim to your haiku a true account of what you are experiencing Gypsy. I have suffered severe depression at various times in recent years having been hospitalised 4 times but each time I come back a more creative person. The main thing is you can talk about it to others and that is a big thing. Unless one has experienced depression they have no idea what one is going through.
Thankyou for sharing your Haiku
dip
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much, my friend. Have a nice day. It's true.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Hitcher
This is a stunning example of the Haibun form of poetry Gypsy, the prose element sets the mood and the scene of the... inflicted. The haiku is the icing on the cake, truly brilliant my friend... loved it!!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
 |
This is a stunning example of the Haibun form of poetry Gypsy, the prose element sets the mood and the scene of the... inflicted. The haiku is the icing on the cake, truly brilliant my friend... loved it!!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
-
Thank you very much for the exceptional review and six stars, my friend. Have a nice day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
What a lonely haibun and so sad. You expressed emotions we feel and thoughts we think at some points in our lives. The following haiku, inertia only for awhile
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
|
What a lonely haibun and so sad. You expressed emotions we feel and thoughts we think at some points in our lives. The following haiku, inertia only for awhile
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2017
-
thank you, Barb
