A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Life that Passed Me By"Expressions
67 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
Visual image at the beginning is cinematic; reader looking over the character's shoulder and experiencing what he is experiencing.
This is a sad tale but not overwhelming. You feel his loneliness but you don't feel it will bring him down. It's something he'll get used to. Wonderful read.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Visual image at the beginning is cinematic; reader looking over the character's shoulder and experiencing what he is experiencing.
This is a sad tale but not overwhelming. You feel his loneliness but you don't feel it will bring him down. It's something he'll get used to. Wonderful read.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. I so appreciate it. Happy that you liked it. All the best. Ulla
Comment from dmt1967
This is a delightful little story. It is a bittersweet story about life's ups and downs and losing loved ones. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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This is a delightful little story. It is a bittersweet story about life's ups and downs and losing loved ones. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot for this. I'm so glad that you liked it. Much appreciated. All the best. Ulla
Comment from mvbrooks
Great opening sentence--draws the reader in and creates a visual image and the narrator's voice. The story is one of regret (and the title warns the reader) -- and it is sad, but not overwhelmingly so. There's a balance that allows the reader to empathize with the narrator without feeling burdened by his loss. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Great opening sentence--draws the reader in and creates a visual image and the narrator's voice. The story is one of regret (and the title warns the reader) -- and it is sad, but not overwhelmingly so. There's a balance that allows the reader to empathize with the narrator without feeling burdened by his loss. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this great review. So very appreciated. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Neil Austin
Wonderful Ulla, thank you.
Reading this it brought up a story in me. I'm back in my home town that I left 40 years ago.There's memories everywhere.
So, thanks for the inspiration. I don't have a rocking chair, but it is time for my afternoon lie down. I'll let the mind go and see if a story forms up ready to write.
Bless.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Wonderful Ulla, thank you.
Reading this it brought up a story in me. I'm back in my home town that I left 40 years ago.There's memories everywhere.
So, thanks for the inspiration. I don't have a rocking chair, but it is time for my afternoon lie down. I'll let the mind go and see if a story forms up ready to write.
Bless.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this beautiful review, and the awesome stars. I am honoured that I managed to inspire to a story. I will be looking out for it. Thank you so much. All the best. Ulla
Comment from ciliverde
He's waiting for a letter that will never arrive, but why? Is it a simile for waiting to die? He seems to have invested his life and soul into this woman, who died from a disease he didn't notice until the end was near. He wonders if she resented him, but never asked. This story speaks to a love that missed just missed real closeness - that gulf between two souls that never could be bridged. It's well done - moving and thought provoking. Makes you wonder, how close can you really be to another person.?
Carol
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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He's waiting for a letter that will never arrive, but why? Is it a simile for waiting to die? He seems to have invested his life and soul into this woman, who died from a disease he didn't notice until the end was near. He wonders if she resented him, but never asked. This story speaks to a love that missed just missed real closeness - that gulf between two souls that never could be bridged. It's well done - moving and thought provoking. Makes you wonder, how close can you really be to another person.?
Carol
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2016
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Hi Carol, first thanks a lot for this lovely review. The letter is a metaphor for him missing to communicate with his wife. He cannot understand that he will never hear her voice again. All the best. Ulla
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
Hi Ulla!
First paragraph: 'sit' is a passive verb. My advice here is to try to use active verbs to better hold reader's interest. In the first sentence, the word 'chair' is used 2x. That's generally a literary no-no; so is using the word suddenly (and very and real and some others). Where is the hook in your first paragraph? Have you established something for us to be wondering or concerned about? I don't think so. Instead you've summarized telling us that the view is not likely to change. What's to care about then?
Consider compressing your narrative, make it active, and try to establish suspense--even if it's only about the chair which could be a metaphor for life. Right? [The tall wood-framed window calls me to sit, as it has nigh on forty years--into that old chair tattered by wear. Only the time of the seasons alter the view I see; now with trees newly green and the cloister of fragrant flowers beneath losing their fragile petals, not many, but all the same they are there and all that is left since you've gone.]
Consider cutting fluff: [Further down the drive, tall on a stilt reaching out toward the road, my letterbox longs for the postman's daily rounds...]
I think in the body of your story you develop the theme nicely. There is nostalgia and sorrow, but not self-pity, just a deep longing.
I think it would be rich to add a snippet of dialogue, perhaps a quote in reaction to the bankruptcy that he found so sustaining.
You have done a good job of juxtaposing joyful memories and grief. Like all good short stories, this piece has a well developed and singular effect (longing). I like the way you frame, or bookend you might say, the beginning and the end with the postal motif. That's a rather sophisticated approach not often deployed in short stories.
Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Hi Ulla!
First paragraph: 'sit' is a passive verb. My advice here is to try to use active verbs to better hold reader's interest. In the first sentence, the word 'chair' is used 2x. That's generally a literary no-no; so is using the word suddenly (and very and real and some others). Where is the hook in your first paragraph? Have you established something for us to be wondering or concerned about? I don't think so. Instead you've summarized telling us that the view is not likely to change. What's to care about then?
Consider compressing your narrative, make it active, and try to establish suspense--even if it's only about the chair which could be a metaphor for life. Right? [The tall wood-framed window calls me to sit, as it has nigh on forty years--into that old chair tattered by wear. Only the time of the seasons alter the view I see; now with trees newly green and the cloister of fragrant flowers beneath losing their fragile petals, not many, but all the same they are there and all that is left since you've gone.]
Consider cutting fluff: [Further down the drive, tall on a stilt reaching out toward the road, my letterbox longs for the postman's daily rounds...]
I think in the body of your story you develop the theme nicely. There is nostalgia and sorrow, but not self-pity, just a deep longing.
I think it would be rich to add a snippet of dialogue, perhaps a quote in reaction to the bankruptcy that he found so sustaining.
You have done a good job of juxtaposing joyful memories and grief. Like all good short stories, this piece has a well developed and singular effect (longing). I like the way you frame, or bookend you might say, the beginning and the end with the postal motif. That's a rather sophisticated approach not often deployed in short stories.
Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Robert, I always appreciate your reviews as they are usually very useful, but this time I can't help to differ a bit. This is not meant to be a hook catcher; it's a sad time in an old man's life who misses and remember the life he's had with the love of his life. Rather boring, some may say, as a poem could be to some as well. Furthermore, 'chair' is only used once in the first sentence and 'suddenly' never appears anywhere. You also rewrite it into words I would never use. I have used snippets of dialogue, just not with the bankrupsy. That could be looked into I agree. I am always open to ideas and advise, but I cannot be who I am not. I can relate to the 'bookend' as that was indeed my intention. Sorry if this puts you off. Please, don't stop reviewing as I have learned a lot from you and I want to develope. All the best. Ulla
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Please don't be defensive. Use what you can and ignore the rest. The reviews I write are for my own purposes. It pleases me if you find them helpful, but to be honest, I don't care what you do with them. If there is an aspect you wish to discuss, I find that very stimulating. If you merely wish to disagree, I don't care.
The version of your story that is up now is better than the one I read. Keep up the good work! Best regards, BobFox
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Hi Bob, I am sorry if I offended you.
It was not my intention as I really do appreciate you much valued feedback. I felt a bit bad about my response and I'm glad you came back. I honestly don't know why I went into a huff, but I suppose I've vested myself into this story. I'm glad you appreciate the edited version. As you know English is not my first language and I so want to learn and improve. Thanks for coming back on this. Best regards. Ulla:))
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You're welcome. Funny, as a second language your English is much better than most. I know I'm blunt, but I'm not mean. Still I forget to balance it sometimes. Keep writing. I like seeing your work!
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Thanks.Much appreciated. Ulla:)))
Comment from justafan
This is so hauntingly sad, Ulla. But, so very well written.
I had one tiny suggestion and please take it for what its worth and in the spirit is intended.
Second paragraph...last sentence:
This is what is left since you've gone yet to me it all feels the same.
Perhaps a break after gone...This is what is left since you've gone ...yet to me, it feels the same.
Trust me I am no English professor, so just look at it, ok.
Love ya!!
Missy
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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This is so hauntingly sad, Ulla. But, so very well written.
I had one tiny suggestion and please take it for what its worth and in the spirit is intended.
Second paragraph...last sentence:
This is what is left since you've gone yet to me it all feels the same.
Perhaps a break after gone...This is what is left since you've gone ...yet to me, it feels the same.
Trust me I am no English professor, so just look at it, ok.
Love ya!!
Missy
Comment Written 13-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Thanks a lot Missy, and for taking your time. It's funny because I have thought of the same and now I will correct. You are so right. Maybe you are not an English professor but you're a darn good writer. Ulla xxx
Comment from franichm
Ulla, this is beautifully written and the artwork makes you feel you've met this person before. What a wonderfully scribed piece entailing a full life, love story and broken heart, all in such a short piece! Oh to learn the talent to write like you someday! An inspirational piece for sure! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Ulla, this is beautifully written and the artwork makes you feel you've met this person before. What a wonderfully scribed piece entailing a full life, love story and broken heart, all in such a short piece! Oh to learn the talent to write like you someday! An inspirational piece for sure! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Thankyou so very much. You really make me feel very humble. Thanks again, All the best. Ulla
Comment from Dean Kuch
"We married, and made the promise before God that we would love and cherish each other."..............Yeah, well... I'm living proof that even promises made before God often can, and will be broken, Ulla. They mean very little in this day and age in which we're living...
"So here I sit in my old, familiar chair and look at the mailbox attached to its pole. I wait for the postman to pass by and I hope against hope that he will deliver that letter of yours.
I am waiting."..............Chances are that when, and if, this old man ever gets this long awaited letter from his beloved, it will me more of an invitation from old Bone Face himself to come and join her in death.
This is a well written story designed to pull and tug on the heartstrings. Poignant in its delivery, it portrays a situation which I'm sure is not all that uncommon for many widows and widowers alike.
Best of luck to you in the contest, Ulla...
~Dean
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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"We married, and made the promise before God that we would love and cherish each other."..............Yeah, well... I'm living proof that even promises made before God often can, and will be broken, Ulla. They mean very little in this day and age in which we're living...
"So here I sit in my old, familiar chair and look at the mailbox attached to its pole. I wait for the postman to pass by and I hope against hope that he will deliver that letter of yours.
I am waiting."..............Chances are that when, and if, this old man ever gets this long awaited letter from his beloved, it will me more of an invitation from old Bone Face himself to come and join her in death.
This is a well written story designed to pull and tug on the heartstrings. Poignant in its delivery, it portrays a situation which I'm sure is not all that uncommon for many widows and widowers alike.
Best of luck to you in the contest, Ulla...
~Dean
Comment Written 13-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Dean, thanks for this. I know what you are saying but don't be cynic please. I'm on my second marriage and the second time that I married in a church. It does exist, believe me. This is not written to any design, it came to me and it is meant and comes from deep within. All best. Ulla
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Me...cynical?
Hah, perish the thought!
Great story, Ulla. Good luck with it.
~Dean
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Thanks again, it just came across like that. Ulla:)))
Comment from ioana.u
It's a very beautiful and sad summary of a life together, filled with love, hurt and regret. Very emotional! And with a touch of refusal to accept the reality.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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It's a very beautiful and sad summary of a life together, filled with love, hurt and regret. Very emotional! And with a touch of refusal to accept the reality.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016
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Thanks very much. I'm so pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla
