Things That Slither
A short story about my worst phobia, snakes and worms34 total reviews
Comment from Serendipity!
So I raced out to the shed as fast as my feet would carry me (I Am wondering if you could come up with an original phrase.(i.e. feet barely touched the grass)
Imagine my horror when, instead of finding babies, a huge blue racer snake leaped out the cage door and hit me smack in the face before slithering over my shoulder and out the door. (That would be a horrifying experience! Would you be able to describe the snake without slowing your wonderful pace? ie. is it dangerous to humans?)
You definitely have a good reason to be freaked out by those squirmy critters. I like how you wove stories into your essay.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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So I raced out to the shed as fast as my feet would carry me (I Am wondering if you could come up with an original phrase.(i.e. feet barely touched the grass)
Imagine my horror when, instead of finding babies, a huge blue racer snake leaped out the cage door and hit me smack in the face before slithering over my shoulder and out the door. (That would be a horrifying experience! Would you be able to describe the snake without slowing your wonderful pace? ie. is it dangerous to humans?)
You definitely have a good reason to be freaked out by those squirmy critters. I like how you wove stories into your essay.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Okay, I like your idea about my feet barely touched the grass. Thank, I am always open to suggestions.
Comment from humpwhistle
I share your fear and disdain for snakes and other
crawly critters. I think you did a great job with
this non-fiction story.
I wish you all the best with the Committee.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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I share your fear and disdain for snakes and other
crawly critters. I think you did a great job with
this non-fiction story.
I wish you all the best with the Committee.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Thank you, glad you liked the story. It's good to know I am not alone in my snake phobia.
Comment from Nosha17
I liked your story very much because it was filled with humour. I have a terrible phobia about snakes, too, even though I live in the UK and have never ever seen one in real life, because we don't have many, luckily. Well described escapades with those slimy creatures. I don't know what night crawlers are and I don't want to know! Most enjoyable, one thing, Para 7, its stomach (it's = it is). Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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I liked your story very much because it was filled with humour. I have a terrible phobia about snakes, too, even though I live in the UK and have never ever seen one in real life, because we don't have many, luckily. Well described escapades with those slimy creatures. I don't know what night crawlers are and I don't want to know! Most enjoyable, one thing, Para 7, its stomach (it's = it is). Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Thank you, and thanks for pointing out the typo. I will edit and correct.
Comment from CD Richards
I enjoyed this story, and think it's very well written. Even though you are obviously phobic about these creatures, you still maintain a great sense of humour about it.
I don't share your fear of earthworms, but given that my property is home to at least four species of snakes that are perfectly capable of killing me, I'm not a great fan of the larger slitherers. As far as is possible, although we share territory, I try to let them alone and hope they'll do the same.
I didn't spot any SPaG issues at all-- well done. Good luck in the contest. Craig.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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I enjoyed this story, and think it's very well written. Even though you are obviously phobic about these creatures, you still maintain a great sense of humour about it.
I don't share your fear of earthworms, but given that my property is home to at least four species of snakes that are perfectly capable of killing me, I'm not a great fan of the larger slitherers. As far as is possible, although we share territory, I try to let them alone and hope they'll do the same.
I didn't spot any SPaG issues at all-- well done. Good luck in the contest. Craig.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the review. Glad you liked the story. At least most of the snakes around here are not dangerous.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well written "horror" story! I can hardly blame you for fearing these wiggly things! I haven't had as many encounters as you, but I dont mind non-poisonous snakes. In fact, I kept a garter snake in my classroom for two years and took it home for the summer. He was dry and scaly and seemd happy enough in his cage wiht branches to climb on and balls of gr. beef for meals. But WORMS? Ick! Slimy things. I hate slimy things! LOL!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Well written "horror" story! I can hardly blame you for fearing these wiggly things! I haven't had as many encounters as you, but I dont mind non-poisonous snakes. In fact, I kept a garter snake in my classroom for two years and took it home for the summer. He was dry and scaly and seemd happy enough in his cage wiht branches to climb on and balls of gr. beef for meals. But WORMS? Ick! Slimy things. I hate slimy things! LOL!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2015
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Thank you. I know some people can hang snakes around their necks and all that stuff. NOT ME.
Comment from justjo66
A really funny story. I'm also terrified of snakes and worms. I have been
as long as I can remember. My husband also does not like them but will
kill a snake. I only scream and run the other way.
Jo
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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A really funny story. I'm also terrified of snakes and worms. I have been
as long as I can remember. My husband also does not like them but will
kill a snake. I only scream and run the other way.
Jo
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you for the five stars and welcome to the anti-snake club. It's a pain being afraid of worms because I love to fish.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I don't know what makes us have our phobias, and why so many people are afraid of snakes, but what i do know is, it is sure a lot more fun reading about your experiences and to have changed places with you. Thanks for your fun essay. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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I don't know what makes us have our phobias, and why so many people are afraid of snakes, but what i do know is, it is sure a lot more fun reading about your experiences and to have changed places with you. Thanks for your fun essay. :-)
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you for your review. I am absolutely paranoid about snakes. I don't really know why but it's been so all my life. I have had more bad snake experiences then the ones in this story but I figured that was enough for now.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I must admit, I don't like snakes, but
simply hate anything with more than
4 legs - particularly spiders - the
hairy sort.
I've taken the liberty of doing a little editing, but just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
When I got to the spot where the fence was broken(,) I noticed the grass was rather high and made a note to myself to come back and cut it later in the day. - might I suggest: and made a MENTAL NOTE to come back and cut it later in the day.
Good luck with the contest.
Margaret
Naturally(,) I was very excited
Of course the snake was gone(,) taking Sweetie's babies away in it'(s) stomach. (add)
I really didn't relish the thought of chasing our cows and horses all over the country(;) that is not fun at all. - use semi-colon to connect
I was Humming - lower h
I tried throwing a rock at the snake - I think here you could use "it" instead of "snake" as the reader knows by now what it is
that the fence needed fixed - needed fixing
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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I must admit, I don't like snakes, but
simply hate anything with more than
4 legs - particularly spiders - the
hairy sort.
I've taken the liberty of doing a little editing, but just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
When I got to the spot where the fence was broken(,) I noticed the grass was rather high and made a note to myself to come back and cut it later in the day. - might I suggest: and made a MENTAL NOTE to come back and cut it later in the day.
Good luck with the contest.
Margaret
Naturally(,) I was very excited
Of course the snake was gone(,) taking Sweetie's babies away in it'(s) stomach. (add)
I really didn't relish the thought of chasing our cows and horses all over the country(;) that is not fun at all. - use semi-colon to connect
I was Humming - lower h
I tried throwing a rock at the snake - I think here you could use "it" instead of "snake" as the reader knows by now what it is
that the fence needed fixed - needed fixing
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you, I need all the help I can get. I got some good grammar lessons from a couple of other member too. I really appreciate it when anyone offers to help.
Comment from cupa tea
this is a bad opening for an essay. I am going to write an essay on some of my experiences with snakes in my lifetime,
Something like snakes and I truly do not like each other and these are the reasons why might have been better.
Just stating that you are writing an essay shouldn't be done.
I like the essay after that.
I've never seen a snake hang down from a tree after someone. That would have been very frightening! I don't like snakes either...
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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this is a bad opening for an essay. I am going to write an essay on some of my experiences with snakes in my lifetime,
Something like snakes and I truly do not like each other and these are the reasons why might have been better.
Just stating that you are writing an essay shouldn't be done.
I like the essay after that.
I've never seen a snake hang down from a tree after someone. That would have been very frightening! I don't like snakes either...
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Okay, thanks for the tip, I will never do that again. Do you think I should go back and change it before the contest? Yes, snakes do climb trees. I have seen them do that a couple of times. They also swim. My girlfriend and I were swimming in the lake one time and a snake scared the heck out of us. The snake was about 20 feet out from the shore.
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yes, I think you should change your opening before the contest begins...I like the essay just not the beginning.
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Thank you for your great tip. I have already changed the beginning of my story.
Comment from robina1978
Excellent picture that complements the story about your phobias perfectly. I enjoyed the read, I reckon most of us are scared of snakes, but you have had your fair share. Worm bit I can relate to. I don't know what night critters I don't know what they are. I am mainly scared of spiders. Good entry. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Excellent picture that complements the story about your phobias perfectly. I enjoyed the read, I reckon most of us are scared of snakes, but you have had your fair share. Worm bit I can relate to. I don't know what night critters I don't know what they are. I am mainly scared of spiders. Good entry. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2015
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Thank you for your kind review. Spiders don't bother me just snakes and worms.
