Petite Fleur
Pantoum contest entry60 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
Expert incorporation of the repeated lines so that it is hardly even noticed.
Good use of abab rhymes
superb pairing of picture and poem
Good use of alliteration
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Expert incorporation of the repeated lines so that it is hardly even noticed.
Good use of abab rhymes
superb pairing of picture and poem
Good use of alliteration
Comment Written 13-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for taking time with my piece. I appreciate the concise evaluation which helps me to improve my efforts. - Wendy
Comment from nancyjam
Nicely written Pantoum. it tells a lovely story as
the speaker looks back and imagines herself
waltzing with Fred Astaire.
The repeating lines are woven in smoothly in
each stanza without the feeling of them being forced.
Excellent rhyme and meter.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Nicely written Pantoum. it tells a lovely story as
the speaker looks back and imagines herself
waltzing with Fred Astaire.
The repeating lines are woven in smoothly in
each stanza without the feeling of them being forced.
Excellent rhyme and meter.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thank you Nancy for the kind review. I also appreciate your good luck wish. - Wendy
Comment from acerisestory
Your pantoum is lovely, rosehill. The imagery you've created tells a beautiful story.
Your words flow well, and your repeating lines fit so very well.
Your abcb rhyming is very well done, and you've made fine use of alliteration.
This is a good entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Your pantoum is lovely, rosehill. The imagery you've created tells a beautiful story.
Your words flow well, and your repeating lines fit so very well.
Your abcb rhyming is very well done, and you've made fine use of alliteration.
This is a good entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thanks Alana. I appreciate that you noted what you enjoyed. It helps me to evaluate my new attempts. - Wendy
Comment from pennedup
Absolutely. Love this form of poetry with the reparative lines throughout. I can relate to this as I am aging and abilities are not what they used to be. I also as a child loved to watch the old Fred Astaire Musicals. You brought back wonderful memories to me and a feeling of melancholy as well.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Absolutely. Love this form of poetry with the reparative lines throughout. I can relate to this as I am aging and abilities are not what they used to be. I also as a child loved to watch the old Fred Astaire Musicals. You brought back wonderful memories to me and a feeling of melancholy as well.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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I really appreciate your kind words and the time spent to read and review my words. It actually was yet another trip up the stairs at my B & B that inspired this work. The music was playing down below - I used to sing in a Big Band and I still enjoy the music - and I wondered how long before I couldn't drag my old self up and down anymore. I am a total Fred Fan too. - Wendy
Comment from jlsavell
rosehill, there are a lot of pantoum floating around these days. I am going to have to try one. True, age is life's saboteur. It goes quickly and the things we had taken for granted are actually priceless.. well done.. jlsavell
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
rosehill, there are a lot of pantoum floating around these days. I am going to have to try one. True, age is life's saboteur. It goes quickly and the things we had taken for granted are actually priceless.. well done.. jlsavell
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for taking a look at my work. I think everyone should try this once. Each time I finish one I swear I won't put my self through it ever again . . .but here I am. - Wendy
Comment from Emily George
Great entry. Wish you well. I like the flow of your work you have created a strong image of the surroundings the girl in the chair with big dreams, that her circumstance will not change her dreams. You have kept to the rules of pantoum without loosing the rhyme
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Great entry. Wish you well. I like the flow of your work you have created a strong image of the surroundings the girl in the chair with big dreams, that her circumstance will not change her dreams. You have kept to the rules of pantoum without loosing the rhyme
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thank you Emily for your read and review. I appreciate your comment on the flow as I really tried to get that right. - Wendy
Comment from Thamp
Beautiful and well done. I think you have a winner here. I'm always impressed with a pantoum. You have made it seem easy. Nice work and great fortune in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Beautiful and well done. I think you have a winner here. I'm always impressed with a pantoum. You have made it seem easy. Nice work and great fortune in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thank you for the read, review and good wishes. - Wendy
Comment from pattipac
So deserving of six bright stars, but alas my pockets are empty. Your beautifully penned words about an dementia patient, in a nursing home, finding escape in music by dancing in the arms of Fred Astaire is poignant.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
So deserving of six bright stars, but alas my pockets are empty. Your beautifully penned words about an dementia patient, in a nursing home, finding escape in music by dancing in the arms of Fred Astaire is poignant.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for the kind review. I'm going to accept that wished for six and assume that the four stars were a slip of the mouse. ; ) - Wendy
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Oh, my, they were! Had eye surgery this week and had blurred vision for a day or two.
Comment from lorettayoung
Beautiful pantoum; the repetition is hardly noticed because of the depth and sadness so well portrayed. The form is perfect, the message intense and thought provoking. Loved it.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Beautiful pantoum; the repetition is hardly noticed because of the depth and sadness so well portrayed. The form is perfect, the message intense and thought provoking. Loved it.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Welcome to Fan Story lorettayoung - smiled at the memories your name evoked - and I appreciate your read and review. - Wendy
Comment from Doc Holiday
Dancing within your mind can be the most graceful dance of all!
And to think you are dancing with Fred Astaire, no less. I'm not a great dancer, myself, but I think I can dance so much better without tripping over my or my partners feet when I'm dreaming about it....Well-written romantic quality poem.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
Dancing within your mind can be the most graceful dance of all!
And to think you are dancing with Fred Astaire, no less. I'm not a great dancer, myself, but I think I can dance so much better without tripping over my or my partners feet when I'm dreaming about it....Well-written romantic quality poem.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015
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Thanks Doc. I'm glad you enjoyed it and appreciate the read and review. - Wendy