Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Abandoned"A collection of poems on these themes
109 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Steve,
I must have missed this one previously.
Congrats on your win in the ABAB Poetry Contest. This was one terrific entry.
I'm hard pressed to say what I liked best about it. The whole thing is outstanding! Your first stanza blows me away ... "Dark as lonely seagulls' crying
weeps the wind across the bay
seething ocean's ceaseless sighing
rasps a rhythm deep and gray"
... unbelievably good!
Also a strong ending ... "Never, never, never shall thy love return".
A brilliant write, Steve! Loved it!
Connie
You have created some fantastic imagery for your reader.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Steve,
I must have missed this one previously.
Congrats on your win in the ABAB Poetry Contest. This was one terrific entry.
I'm hard pressed to say what I liked best about it. The whole thing is outstanding! Your first stanza blows me away ... "Dark as lonely seagulls' crying
weeps the wind across the bay
seething ocean's ceaseless sighing
rasps a rhythm deep and gray"
... unbelievably good!
Also a strong ending ... "Never, never, never shall thy love return".
A brilliant write, Steve! Loved it!
Connie
You have created some fantastic imagery for your reader.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Connie.
Yes, I seem to have pressed all the right buttons with this one.
I appreciate your very kind words and the six stars.
Steve
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Truly, it is one of the better writes that I have read in a very long time! It was perfect! I only wish that I had written it. :)
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Reminds me of Oscar Wilde when one of his sycophantic followers exclaimed 'Oh that's so brilliant. I wish I had said it.
Wilde replied, 'You will, Freddy, you will....'
Have a great day.
Steve
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:0) You have a great day too Steve!
Comment from MissMerri
Such a stunning poem this is! I love the way it is worded, the interesting rhymes, the perfect meter, and the sad story of a lost love. The scene you paint with your beautiful words serves as a metaphorical backdrop for the tragic tale. This is the kind of poetry I love to read. Beautifully done and certainly a worthy winner in this contest.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Such a stunning poem this is! I love the way it is worded, the interesting rhymes, the perfect meter, and the sad story of a lost love. The scene you paint with your beautiful words serves as a metaphorical backdrop for the tragic tale. This is the kind of poetry I love to read. Beautifully done and certainly a worthy winner in this contest.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Adonna.
This one seems to have struck a chord with many readers - perhaps it is the slightly timeless quality - combined with my great skill of course! :o)
I appreciate the very kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Presley Lockwood
This is EXCELLENT! I confess, I am often not a fan of poetry written in the modern age, but this is excellent!
Your creativity with word choice while maintaining the rhythm and telling a story is amazing! Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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This is EXCELLENT! I confess, I am often not a fan of poetry written in the modern age, but this is excellent!
Your creativity with word choice while maintaining the rhythm and telling a story is amazing! Well done!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Presley, and welcome to FanStory. Perhaps you liked this because it is NOT obviously written in the modern age...
I have read your first post - an interesting and original entry for the Love Poem contest - I hope to be able to review it today....
Steve
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Ah, whoops. Slightly confusing wording. By "written in the modern age" I meant written by someone in modern times as opposed to the works of historical poets. (I think I made it sound like I meant a poem which was SET in modern times).
That would be wonderful!
Comment from Narvik
Loved it Steve. Has all the elements of an instant classic. There was just something about how the words floated along serenely, but with impact as well. Congratulations on the win.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Loved it Steve. Has all the elements of an instant classic. There was just something about how the words floated along serenely, but with impact as well. Congratulations on the win.
~ Jack
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Jack....
... and congratulations on your Limerick win - you're trespassing on my preserve now. :o)
Steve
Comment from Pegcook
"Abandoned" is a tender, touching expression of love, enhanced by the art illustration (did you create that, also)? It is lovely. It is clear why "Abandoned" was deemed All Time Best.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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"Abandoned" is a tender, touching expression of love, enhanced by the art illustration (did you create that, also)? It is lovely. It is clear why "Abandoned" was deemed All Time Best.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Peg< I wish I could draw that well - unfortunately my artistic skill is confined to words only - not a musical or artistic bone in my body.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from Joan E.
The title and sketch helped to establish the mood for your poem. I admired your rhythmic, rhymed quatrains and your of alliteration and personification to intensify the emotions. Best wishes to us both in the contest. Yours is a splendid entry and should be well recognized. -Joan
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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The title and sketch helped to establish the mood for your poem. I admired your rhythmic, rhymed quatrains and your of alliteration and personification to intensify the emotions. Best wishes to us both in the contest. Yours is a splendid entry and should be well recognized. -Joan
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Joan. Good luck to you too.
Steve
Comment from lancellot
This is a deeply emtional peom, full of loss and sadness. They say the sea has no memory, but people sure do. When every burd that cries or wave that crashes on the shore reminds you of the love lost. All you can do is go on. Thoughtful work.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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This is a deeply emtional peom, full of loss and sadness. They say the sea has no memory, but people sure do. When every burd that cries or wave that crashes on the shore reminds you of the love lost. All you can do is go on. Thoughtful work.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from w.j.debi
Such a nostalgic and sad love poem. Excellent alliteration in
Weeps the wind
Growl and grumble
Excellent abab rhymes. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Such a nostalgic and sad love poem. Excellent alliteration in
Weeps the wind
Growl and grumble
Excellent abab rhymes. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for your kind words - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from DALLAS01
One Is left to wonder was it actually the elements that led to the decay or was it a lack of human attention and neglect. The wording here is nothing less that art work.
The phrasing, word choices, and alliteration is perfection.
My favorite line is:
rasps a rhythm deep and gray ( a powerful and unique verb choice.)
Sorry I do not have a six left. Please accept a virtual.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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One Is left to wonder was it actually the elements that led to the decay or was it a lack of human attention and neglect. The wording here is nothing less that art work.
The phrasing, word choices, and alliteration is perfection.
My favorite line is:
rasps a rhythm deep and gray ( a powerful and unique verb choice.)
Sorry I do not have a six left. Please accept a virtual.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Dallas, thanks for the great review an the virtual six.
Steve
