CRITICAL ... A-claim
a lesson in iambing and enjambing ...61 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
A little improve on flow
oh me, oh my, oh, come on sport
I guess you don't want my report
oh me, oh my, oh, come on sport
I guess you don't want my enlightening/fabulous report
I'm begining to fear your wrath now :)
well, that's okay, I will not coach
as there are some beyond reproach
well, that's okay, I will not coach
as there are some so far beyond reproach
next
and though you tout impressive rank
you don't quite have it in the tank
and though you tout impressive rank
you don't quite have it swimming in the tank
spot on:
my forthright, honest, metered words
that polished up your off beat turds
Have you encountered the same turd as the earl or is it the meduza turd flourising many biting heads of snapping turtles.Z :)
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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A little improve on flow
oh me, oh my, oh, come on sport
I guess you don't want my report
oh me, oh my, oh, come on sport
I guess you don't want my enlightening/fabulous report
I'm begining to fear your wrath now :)
well, that's okay, I will not coach
as there are some beyond reproach
well, that's okay, I will not coach
as there are some so far beyond reproach
next
and though you tout impressive rank
you don't quite have it in the tank
and though you tout impressive rank
you don't quite have it swimming in the tank
spot on:
my forthright, honest, metered words
that polished up your off beat turds
Have you encountered the same turd as the earl or is it the meduza turd flourising many biting heads of snapping turtles.Z :)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Oh come on Z...*wink*...you know this was just a general curse to those who think they are above any sort of halfway decent critique. Loved your review.
Thank you
Cheers P xoxo
PS I SEEM to be getting a lot of support. Can't comment on "turd status", suffice to say you are a most perceptive individual my strandydregged Zeee. LOL
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I accept your compliments with bowed head and outstreched arm, can you scratch under my elbow? :) Z.
Comment from missy98writer
CPj,
I've been an unfortunate recepiant of this ass hole reviewer and average writer and okay poet and I doubt if this I'm better than you are fucker: I was accused by this fool of having uneven rhyme, total bull shit if you ask me. I was pissed at the blind entries disteguarding the rules in the daily blind contest writing prompts now they get a downgrade of four which I'll upgrade when the fix the issue. Last week it was the Six line poetry contest with 2-2-2-2-9-9 and the last two lines needed a end rhyme. About 1/2 the entries didn't rhyme and only two fixed and received an upgrade on the four I happily awarded. I digress. In your wonderfully written poem you've use excellent rhyme and meter. I liked your cheeky humor. Cuss it up. I have my mute used up. I'm such of those folks who think they are above us all. I say go eat horse shit pie. Me O my. Top O' the day to ya. I'd recommend this freaking excellent poem to other reviewers. Peace out...Melissa.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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CPj,
I've been an unfortunate recepiant of this ass hole reviewer and average writer and okay poet and I doubt if this I'm better than you are fucker: I was accused by this fool of having uneven rhyme, total bull shit if you ask me. I was pissed at the blind entries disteguarding the rules in the daily blind contest writing prompts now they get a downgrade of four which I'll upgrade when the fix the issue. Last week it was the Six line poetry contest with 2-2-2-2-9-9 and the last two lines needed a end rhyme. About 1/2 the entries didn't rhyme and only two fixed and received an upgrade on the four I happily awarded. I digress. In your wonderfully written poem you've use excellent rhyme and meter. I liked your cheeky humor. Cuss it up. I have my mute used up. I'm such of those folks who think they are above us all. I say go eat horse shit pie. Me O my. Top O' the day to ya. I'd recommend this freaking excellent poem to other reviewers. Peace out...Melissa.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Peace out Mel, thanks for a beaut review. Ooh horse shit pie? Sounds like there could be a serve of that doled out for sure. Haha...thanks a bunch
CPJ xoxo
Comment from Connie C
Well, Sweetie, it's hard to believe you're not irritated. Maybe mildly? I can't imagine anyone blocking you for giving your honest and always helpful reviews, reviews that are often lengthy and extremely thoughtful. You're using some pretty strong language here, such as their "offbeat turds," but sometimes that's necessary to get your point across. And you do get your point across with your perfect meter. And, yep, I've learned mostly from you that consistent syllable count does not make for good flow unless the meter is right on as well. I'd this one a sixer if I had any left. Connie xoxoxo
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Well, Sweetie, it's hard to believe you're not irritated. Maybe mildly? I can't imagine anyone blocking you for giving your honest and always helpful reviews, reviews that are often lengthy and extremely thoughtful. You're using some pretty strong language here, such as their "offbeat turds," but sometimes that's necessary to get your point across. And you do get your point across with your perfect meter. And, yep, I've learned mostly from you that consistent syllable count does not make for good flow unless the meter is right on as well. I'd this one a sixer if I had any left. Connie xoxoxo
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Haha, no one has blocked me...well someone did a month or so back but unblocked me about a week or so back...not sure why. Maybe what I said made sense...maybe they wanted to block someone else, I dunno. I am NOT a cruel reviewer and I was slightly miffed they felt they needed to silence a good reviewer. Modest too! LOL Anyway, with this one, everyone liked the off beat turds...hey, maybe I will offer a class in polishing off be..er maybe not! Haha...I loved your review and you are one of me sweetest ladies I follow because you respect my honesty and suggestions made. I never expect you to use them if you don't want to, merely run past your ear and be open to fact that it may provide a smoother scan etc...it may spur your own original phrase to replace a line too so its not necessarily about actually taking the advice word for word...anyway I don't gotta drone on to you, as I know how grateful you are.
I think you are worth the time and your poetry is terrific...if I think I can help improve it if a few bumps, you know I will try. But thats NOT to say I don't have speed bumps of my own so if you find any PULLEEEEEZE tell me.
Cheers Phillippa xoxoxo
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You are just about the best reviewer I know. And I must tell you that I pretty much took all your advice on that one poem of mine, Can't Wait for Election Day. I sometimes don't get back to poems I've written to make revisions, but I think I took all your suggestions. Funny how someone else can come right in and see all the things wrong that I am blind to. I think you told me that you'd change my four-star rating to a five-star if I made some revisions. So do I care if you make the change? Nope, no at all! What I do care about is your always giving me helpful suggestions when I need them. Have I nominated you yet this month for Reviewer of the Month? I'll have to check and see. We both know it is pointless, but I'll just keep nominating you. I do like to be persistent. Connie xoxoxo
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I decided I would sweety because you had to accept a gullet full of changes. Thats a BIG thing to accept someone elses advice...some JUST can't. I do understand some wanting to remain true to what they wrote but I know you are grateful and under normal circumstances I would not offer to change as you know...but I felt this had SUCH potential I was prepared to relinquish ONE more star to your possession...
I go and do that honey...
*
There you go! haha
.
.
.
Kidding
Just being cheeky.
Gimme a sec.
Haha
xxx
PS YES the other is pointless...you KNOW rama ALWAYS wins that...and after what she has done for me I reckon I'll give her a vote a month now too. Haha
I do appreciate your kind words.
Thankyou.
x
Comment from fairydancer
Hi cpj,
yes, I can tell you are slightly irritated. LOL I have only ever had one person not like a suggestion I made. I shan't tell you who it was but it would probably surprise you! I wanted to write another suggestion the other day but when I saw it was her, I thought better of it - perhaps I should have written it anyway. I have never been muted (I think?) but I'm always up for something new! LOL
When I joined FS (2 years ago - can you believe it!) I didn't know anything about iambic meter or tetrameter or poetic feet (do they wear poetic socks? :)
I would have loved to have been able to read a piece of prose (or even a poem?) that explained it all - free verse, iambic pentameter, etc... How 'bout it kid? You could keep reposting every few weeks for new newbies and get loads of reviews for it. Just a thought (or have you already done it?)
Anyway - lovely cadence to your well constructed poem. Hope life is treating you right - Cally :)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Hi cpj,
yes, I can tell you are slightly irritated. LOL I have only ever had one person not like a suggestion I made. I shan't tell you who it was but it would probably surprise you! I wanted to write another suggestion the other day but when I saw it was her, I thought better of it - perhaps I should have written it anyway. I have never been muted (I think?) but I'm always up for something new! LOL
When I joined FS (2 years ago - can you believe it!) I didn't know anything about iambic meter or tetrameter or poetic feet (do they wear poetic socks? :)
I would have loved to have been able to read a piece of prose (or even a poem?) that explained it all - free verse, iambic pentameter, etc... How 'bout it kid? You could keep reposting every few weeks for new newbies and get loads of reviews for it. Just a thought (or have you already done it?)
Anyway - lovely cadence to your well constructed poem. Hope life is treating you right - Cally :)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Haha thanks for your support Cally. Hope you are well. Yep I didnt have a clue that I was writing in certain meters until it came up...I think I have refined it more since I have been here as I love meter but its me just with more polish. Hey I like your idea about that poem although I don't know enough about them all...more homework - Arggghhh!!! Anyway thanks a bunch.
CPJ xo
PS Yes, life is good but too much on my plate. Not much fs time.
Comment from adewpearl
I hope you didn't really tell the poor guy his poetic lines were off beat turds, or no wonder he was miffed with you. LOL
Excellent use of enjambment from stanza to stanza
You're right - your iambic meter is spot on, and in your author's notes you're also write that syllable count and meter are simply NOT the same thing, an annoying misconception among many on site.
And one that is often the fault of contests on the site, including site-sponsored ones, where the required syllable count is given with no mention of the damned meter.
Strong use of rhyming couplets and excellent satiric humor in your commentary :-)
good use of consonance in phrases like languish in the shallow fluff
Lots of good stuff here, Phillippa :-) And you made me laugh! Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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I hope you didn't really tell the poor guy his poetic lines were off beat turds, or no wonder he was miffed with you. LOL
Excellent use of enjambment from stanza to stanza
You're right - your iambic meter is spot on, and in your author's notes you're also write that syllable count and meter are simply NOT the same thing, an annoying misconception among many on site.
And one that is often the fault of contests on the site, including site-sponsored ones, where the required syllable count is given with no mention of the damned meter.
Strong use of rhyming couplets and excellent satiric humor in your commentary :-)
good use of consonance in phrases like languish in the shallow fluff
Lots of good stuff here, Phillippa :-) And you made me laugh! Brooke
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Of course I didn't! Haha...I have plenty of integrity and tact when reviewing and I will always try to give the most honest assessment I can...even at the risk of being insulted by those who think they are above any sort of critique. I agree about the contests. The sooner people are aware of all the rules that go with a format, the better off poetry here will be in general. Thankyou for a delightful review.
Cheers Phillippa xoxo
Comment from percival86jack
"so go pump hands where bullshit flows"
"that polished up your off beat turds"
Love these two lines, CloPo! No one ever said you were shy about letting it all hang out! LOL Big warm hugs, Jack xxxxxxx
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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"so go pump hands where bullshit flows"
"that polished up your off beat turds"
Love these two lines, CloPo! No one ever said you were shy about letting it all hang out! LOL Big warm hugs, Jack xxxxxxx
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thanks buddy, I'm not shy when it comes to letting rip in a post but I have plenty of integrity when reviewing. Always try to give an honest assessment and help if I think I can.
Cheers and thanks Jack
CloPo xoxo
Comment from rushingwater
You are the absolute monster of meter and enjambment. I could not have explained what you have in such a realistic and funny way. Your truth will resonate this site. I KNOW IT. How fortunate have I been to meet you. Trust me a blessing indeed. You rock! LOL... and I can't wait to chat to with you more... crazzzzzy lady.. You are brave and I bow in humble adoration. LOL.. WELL DONE INDEED... teach me... LOL
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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You are the absolute monster of meter and enjambment. I could not have explained what you have in such a realistic and funny way. Your truth will resonate this site. I KNOW IT. How fortunate have I been to meet you. Trust me a blessing indeed. You rock! LOL... and I can't wait to chat to with you more... crazzzzzy lady.. You are brave and I bow in humble adoration. LOL.. WELL DONE INDEED... teach me... LOL
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Wow Ange! Thanks so much you are a treasure...I know you empathise with me here and I thank you sincerely for a fantastic review and sixer. I have to speak my mind. I know sometimes I do have the nads to say what others are thinking and perhaps are staying "mum" on...well NOT this little black duck. So many reviewers that responded understand precisely what I meant. I do know I am brave yes...and risked more back lash...ah what can I do? I just love a firing squad...but its GOTTA be good. I think perhaps I am the fortunate one my friend. Thanks again, you're a sweetheart.
Cheers Phillippa xo
Comment from Earl of Oxford
This is so clever, funny and such a subtle dig at 'Mr cut n past know-it all, artificially high-ranked, who only writes average at best poetry'. No more sixers allowed for you I'm afraid, but you already have plenty I'm glad to see.
Brilliant and very clear tutorial notes, and I just hope some who don't bother to go that extra mile to write in meter, DO take note and learn. Nothing worse than un-metered structured verse IMHO - I'd far rather read good free verse than some of that childish rubbish. Your poem certainly reflects the rules without a glitch, and I wish I could write half as well as you.
Lots of fun and originally rhymed couplets which seem so natural and not in the least bit forced. (not a 'love/dove' in sight)
Too many belly-bashing laughs here like:
'my forthright, honest, metered words
that polished up your off beat turds'
Brilliant beginning middle and ending. If I were the object of your fun here, then I'd give you a GENUINE sixer and thank you profusely for all your time and help. Well...maybe not. LOL.
Best wishes, earl
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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This is so clever, funny and such a subtle dig at 'Mr cut n past know-it all, artificially high-ranked, who only writes average at best poetry'. No more sixers allowed for you I'm afraid, but you already have plenty I'm glad to see.
Brilliant and very clear tutorial notes, and I just hope some who don't bother to go that extra mile to write in meter, DO take note and learn. Nothing worse than un-metered structured verse IMHO - I'd far rather read good free verse than some of that childish rubbish. Your poem certainly reflects the rules without a glitch, and I wish I could write half as well as you.
Lots of fun and originally rhymed couplets which seem so natural and not in the least bit forced. (not a 'love/dove' in sight)
Too many belly-bashing laughs here like:
'my forthright, honest, metered words
that polished up your off beat turds'
Brilliant beginning middle and ending. If I were the object of your fun here, then I'd give you a GENUINE sixer and thank you profusely for all your time and help. Well...maybe not. LOL.
Best wishes, earl
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Awww thanks early boy. I know I'll receive a basting for this by a few but NONE that I'll bother gracing my two beady little brownies on! haha...glad you liked my origginal fun and I agree...give me a good free verse to that unmetered childish gobbledegook. I think you have your wish...infact you got a double serve you little buggar...for YOU write TWICE as well as me...funny about that "turds" line...a lotta people liked it...haha. Glad I decided to leave as is.
Thanks for liking my da DUMS...this could NEVER be about you...I am WELL aware my friend you give good tetrameter! Even better pentameter.
Grrrr! LMAO
cheers and thanks for a brill review early bomb.
little p
x
x
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OK, I MAY be a teeny bit better than you at sonnets, but I'll NEVER approach your brilliance at humour in verse - I can't imagine ANYONE doing so. x
Comment from Galactia
great poem. I think every poet should be able to take helpful criticism. slander criticism where you call people names and stuff, i don't feel that it's necessary and uncalled for.
I like the lines....
and isn't what we crave and seek
a fair assessment with critique?
without being able to accept helpful criticism you can't develop or continue to learn. no matter the age you can always learn something new.
great poem.
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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great poem. I think every poet should be able to take helpful criticism. slander criticism where you call people names and stuff, i don't feel that it's necessary and uncalled for.
I like the lines....
and isn't what we crave and seek
a fair assessment with critique?
without being able to accept helpful criticism you can't develop or continue to learn. no matter the age you can always learn something new.
great poem.
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Why thankyou and yes I truly agree. I really enjoyed your review and thanks for coming on board as a fan.
Cheers Phillippa
Comment from mumsyone
It amazes me, too, how many writers on the site say they are here to get help, yet they don't accept it when they get it! I've spent so much time pointing out obvious errors, only to find out that they go on their way without making changes! No more. Now I give 4 stars and offer to upgrade if they make changes. It seems to work in most cases. However, too many reviewers just award 5 stars and say the work is great. I don't get that either, unless they themselves don't see the errors; that's all I can figure. At any rate, they're not helping those who need help.
I enjoyed reading your poem, and I totally understand it!
Good job.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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It amazes me, too, how many writers on the site say they are here to get help, yet they don't accept it when they get it! I've spent so much time pointing out obvious errors, only to find out that they go on their way without making changes! No more. Now I give 4 stars and offer to upgrade if they make changes. It seems to work in most cases. However, too many reviewers just award 5 stars and say the work is great. I don't get that either, unless they themselves don't see the errors; that's all I can figure. At any rate, they're not helping those who need help.
I enjoyed reading your poem, and I totally understand it!
Good job.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Hey there mumsy, thanks so much and my ratings stand...I don't upgrade...I feel that may make the author complacent next time so my ratings always stand firm...I don't take offers for people to change mine either, even if I take on board their suggestions. Thanks for a wonderfully supportive review.
Closet xo
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I understand where you're coming from. I only upgrade when I see that someone is really trying to learn and uses helpful suggestions. By the way, I forgot to tell you - I love the title of your poem.
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Haha, thanks for that.
It seems to be getting a little "acclaim"...heehee...I wonder why! LOL
Cheers my friend.
