Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Hawk"One Man's Return From Hell
38 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Bill, this is such an exciting, intriguing story. You do a great job at building suspense, keeping the mystery engaging and creating characters the reader can care about as the mystery unfolds. Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Bill, this is such an exciting, intriguing story. You do a great job at building suspense, keeping the mystery engaging and creating characters the reader can care about as the mystery unfolds. Brooke
Comment Written 17-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Thank you Brooke - I very much appreciate your kind and gracious review. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent crime chapter which had me riveted to it right until the last word.
The only problem is you posted the last chapter on Nov 2nd, and it is a bit difficult to keep track of t story.
Try and post with a gap not exceeding seven days.
It made fine reading and needs no revision.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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An excellent crime chapter which had me riveted to it right until the last word.
The only problem is you posted the last chapter on Nov 2nd, and it is a bit difficult to keep track of t story.
Try and post with a gap not exceeding seven days.
It made fine reading and needs no revision.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Good advice. If I can ever fully retire, I'll do a better job. Thanks for reading and for your support. Regards, Bill
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi bhogg,
Hmm, I haven't come across any other mention in fiction of the grenade in a can, though I have seen them in use. The Hawk seems to me to be a psychopath, but he seems to have slipped here.
Interestingly, my wife is a forensic scientist and her labs would make a lot of use of that cartridge and match it to any slugs found in these or any other bodies. Eventually it would lead to the weapon even if it took a long time. But it is a Federal Lab here in Germany...
Patrick
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Hi bhogg,
Hmm, I haven't come across any other mention in fiction of the grenade in a can, though I have seen them in use. The Hawk seems to me to be a psychopath, but he seems to have slipped here.
Interestingly, my wife is a forensic scientist and her labs would make a lot of use of that cartridge and match it to any slugs found in these or any other bodies. Eventually it would lead to the weapon even if it took a long time. But it is a Federal Lab here in Germany...
Patrick
Comment Written 17-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Thanks Patrick - I appreciate you reading and for the feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
The content of this is well written, but there are some punctuation problems.
"Well, it probably doesn't matter much[] because there's the Sheriff.
There was a female deputy with him that Dax didn't know. Dax prided himself on being able to read people[needs a but ...].
On her face, curiosity; reading Bailey was a different matter. -- The two sides of the ; need to balance-- on her face ...; on his ... You switched horses here in midstream.
"Dax, this is Nikki Tate[either use ; or add "and"] the Sheriff I think you know."
If I had stopped long enough to take a couple of deep breaths, [I would have realized] it was obvious that you had nothing to do with killing the two victims.
"No apology needed[,] Sheriff. Please call me Dax.
"That may be[,] Nikki, but the previous crime site had
"Yes it is[,] Sheriff.
Roberta
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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The content of this is well written, but there are some punctuation problems.
"Well, it probably doesn't matter much[] because there's the Sheriff.
There was a female deputy with him that Dax didn't know. Dax prided himself on being able to read people[needs a but ...].
On her face, curiosity; reading Bailey was a different matter. -- The two sides of the ; need to balance-- on her face ...; on his ... You switched horses here in midstream.
"Dax, this is Nikki Tate[either use ; or add "and"] the Sheriff I think you know."
If I had stopped long enough to take a couple of deep breaths, [I would have realized] it was obvious that you had nothing to do with killing the two victims.
"No apology needed[,] Sheriff. Please call me Dax.
"That may be[,] Nikki, but the previous crime site had
"Yes it is[,] Sheriff.
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2010
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Roberta - thanks for reading, but special thanks for taking the time to help! I've made appropriate corrections. Regards, Bill
Comment from Shirley B
Those two sound like lovely guys. This book gets more interesting with every chapter. The sad thing is when you were describing the woman with the sores and broken teeth, I have seen people come into the hospital like that. Great imagery in the story. Very interesting, Great job, Shirley How bout then Tigers!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Those two sound like lovely guys. This book gets more interesting with every chapter. The sad thing is when you were describing the woman with the sores and broken teeth, I have seen people come into the hospital like that. Great imagery in the story. Very interesting, Great job, Shirley How bout then Tigers!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Hi Shirley - thank you very much for reading! My Tigers are in the SEC championship. If they beat Alabama in two weeks, they are in the national championship. Remember where you heard it first! Regards, Bill
Comment from patmedium
As usual, a darned good read. Educational and well painted images which make it easy for this old British auntie to follow. Thank you. I have enjoyed this section. Pat.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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As usual, a darned good read. Educational and well painted images which make it easy for this old British auntie to follow. Thank you. I have enjoyed this section. Pat.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Pat and supporting this story. I'm always glad when you drop by.
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
chapter twelve in your book Redemption is very well written and full of action. Your writing is rich in visual imagery with excellent dialogue, great narrative and very good detailed writing. I'm invested in your characters. The violence is necessary. I was on the edge of my seat and my heart was beating fast after reading this chapter of yours. We learn that one of the victims was female and the cooker. She also used. Your description of her was right on spot about meth users. The other victim as a male in his thirties. At the end we learn that Jorge had a hit man named Enrique shoot the two victims at the meth lab. Enrique seems like a cool customer. I look forward to reading your next chapter. You did a terrific job in this chapter.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Bill,
chapter twelve in your book Redemption is very well written and full of action. Your writing is rich in visual imagery with excellent dialogue, great narrative and very good detailed writing. I'm invested in your characters. The violence is necessary. I was on the edge of my seat and my heart was beating fast after reading this chapter of yours. We learn that one of the victims was female and the cooker. She also used. Your description of her was right on spot about meth users. The other victim as a male in his thirties. At the end we learn that Jorge had a hit man named Enrique shoot the two victims at the meth lab. Enrique seems like a cool customer. I look forward to reading your next chapter. You did a terrific job in this chapter.
Melissa.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Melissa - Thank you for this very kind review. It is much appreciated. Regards, Bill
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a very enjoyable crime thriller story. Thank you for the author's notes. They keep forgetful people like me on track. Well written and makes the reader want to read more!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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This is a very enjoyable crime thriller story. Thank you for the author's notes. They keep forgetful people like me on track. Well written and makes the reader want to read more!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks - I find the author notes a necessary evil, but glad to hear they help out. I appreciate your support of the story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Mustang Patty
I thoroughly enjoy your Author Notes, and your use of dialogue to move the story along. Your use of italics for emphasis is especially apt, . . .and you have a good storyline here. Thank you for a pleasant read.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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I thoroughly enjoy your Author Notes, and your use of dialogue to move the story along. Your use of italics for emphasis is especially apt, . . .and you have a good storyline here. Thank you for a pleasant read.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading Patty - it is always a struggle to write a chapter that can satisfy someone who has followed from the beginning and also satisfy someone dropping by the first time. I'm glad it worked for you! Regards, Bill
Comment from Sally Carter
Well, you've kept me with you Bill, and that speaks volumes about the quality of your story.
This really is not the kind of book I would normally read, since I get hopelessly lost in conspiracies, plots, double dealing and the like. But so far I think I am still with it!
Your characters are a great mix and vividly portrayed - and there is still that little promise of romance lurking from previous chapters, between Dax and Beth. Perhaps that's helping keep me there as well. Plus, of course a dishy sounding hero. LOL.
Another great chaper, Bill. Keep up the good work!
Sally
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Well, you've kept me with you Bill, and that speaks volumes about the quality of your story.
This really is not the kind of book I would normally read, since I get hopelessly lost in conspiracies, plots, double dealing and the like. But so far I think I am still with it!
Your characters are a great mix and vividly portrayed - and there is still that little promise of romance lurking from previous chapters, between Dax and Beth. Perhaps that's helping keep me there as well. Plus, of course a dishy sounding hero. LOL.
Another great chaper, Bill. Keep up the good work!
Sally
Comment Written 16-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2010
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Well Sal, I did fashion Dax after myself. I'm a little shorter, a bit chubbier and have less hair, but .....
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Ah, but all that same magnetism, I'll be bound! :~)
