The Final Deal
An Angel Asks to be Reassigned.31 total reviews
Comment from Rama Rao
ROFL.
This is my kind of humor, and I enjoyed reading your piece. It served Pete right, he didn't strike a deal.
The dialogues are crisp and peppery.
The narration too is excellent.
I think you got a winner here.
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ROFL.
This is my kind of humor, and I enjoyed reading your piece. It served Pete right, he didn't strike a deal.
The dialogues are crisp and peppery.
The narration too is excellent.
I think you got a winner here.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from Alan Degenerate
Alright, so I wasn't a big fan of your last story, but this one I enjoyed. Maybe it's my sick sense of humor.
Good dialog.
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Alright, so I wasn't a big fan of your last story, but this one I enjoyed. Maybe it's my sick sense of humor.
Good dialog.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from Suzie B
John, this is a hoot from go to whoa.
Liberated Angel, rotten to the core lawyer and St Peter needing to check in with the Chief...rotflmao. Yep..I kept have visualizations of a smooth sneaky sob roasting over a spit...it was so good!
Stunning looking artwork...envy envy.
Well done buddy. best of luck in the contest,this is quirky enough to win it.
Suzie
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John, this is a hoot from go to whoa.
Liberated Angel, rotten to the core lawyer and St Peter needing to check in with the Chief...rotflmao. Yep..I kept have visualizations of a smooth sneaky sob roasting over a spit...it was so good!
Stunning looking artwork...envy envy.
Well done buddy. best of luck in the contest,this is quirky enough to win it.
Suzie
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from irishauthorme
Ha ha, this is great! Who in the hell likes attorney's anyway? As a metter of fact, I hear that they use disbarred attorneys in experiments at some of the deviant behavior laboratories, because there are certain things that they cannot get the rats to perform.
Great story!
irish
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Ha ha, this is great! Who in the hell likes attorney's anyway? As a metter of fact, I hear that they use disbarred attorneys in experiments at some of the deviant behavior laboratories, because there are certain things that they cannot get the rats to perform.
Great story!
irish
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from Shirley B
Dear Thesis, Right away you had me laughing because I am married to a lawyer. And he also is a Horndog! I loved the story. I think he would try to negotiate his way into Heaven too. Great story. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Dear Thesis, Right away you had me laughing because I am married to a lawyer. And he also is a Horndog! I loved the story. I think he would try to negotiate his way into Heaven too. Great story. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Lol. Thanks for reading. I'm glad the story gave you a laugh. I think your comments are great. - John
Comment from Josipher32
Thesis,
"The Final DEal" was a well written fictional tale for this "The Day After Tomorrow" contest. I wish you the best with your entry.
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Thesis,
"The Final DEal" was a well written fictional tale for this "The Day After Tomorrow" contest. I wish you the best with your entry.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from lola29
John, this is absolutely brilliant! You've captured Thornton's character so concisely--sum bag1 This has got to be a winner!
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John, this is absolutely brilliant! You've captured Thornton's character so concisely--sum bag1 This has got to be a winner!
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from RonD
A fun post, indeed, and not in the least offensive to me (whose reaction were you most worried about, true believers or lawyers?).
No problem understanding who was speaking in the continuous dialogue, fast-paced and funny throughout, with the last line a perfect wrap-up. The only reservation I have is that you start in the first person, but when you have St. Peter address him it looks like third-person. You could fix this by replacing "Saint Peter spoke directly to Mr. Thornton" with something like, "When she was gone, I heard a male voice from somewhere above."
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A fun post, indeed, and not in the least offensive to me (whose reaction were you most worried about, true believers or lawyers?).
No problem understanding who was speaking in the continuous dialogue, fast-paced and funny throughout, with the last line a perfect wrap-up. The only reservation I have is that you start in the first person, but when you have St. Peter address him it looks like third-person. You could fix this by replacing "Saint Peter spoke directly to Mr. Thornton" with something like, "When she was gone, I heard a male voice from somewhere above."
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from Begin Again
John,
Your humor was wonderful and so spot on...I can actually see a lawyer or two trying to deal their way into eternity...Glad to see Saint Peter was flexible but only to a point. Wonderful imagination and nice flow to the story.
Carol
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John,
Your humor was wonderful and so spot on...I can actually see a lawyer or two trying to deal their way into eternity...Glad to see Saint Peter was flexible but only to a point. Wonderful imagination and nice flow to the story.
Carol
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
Comment from Demonbunny
Haha, what a fun post it is too. Kind of gets you thinking just how many times a day this sort of thing actually goes on, or if it goes on at all? Touching up an angel? Man what a piece of work, the last line is an absolute classic and will stick in my mind all day.
Short, snappy and great fun. Well done.
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Haha, what a fun post it is too. Kind of gets you thinking just how many times a day this sort of thing actually goes on, or if it goes on at all? Touching up an angel? Man what a piece of work, the last line is an absolute classic and will stick in my mind all day.
Short, snappy and great fun. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
