Dear Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Dear Moon"Addressing different themes in a form of a letter
24 total reviews
Comment from Eira
Hi Pupa -
This is a lovely, original idea for format, and you have achieved a sweet, yearning, eloquent tone for this poem. Really nice work!
I do think, although I gave 5 stars because it does not need to be changed to be excellent, it could be even better. I felt especially in 2nd stanza that the rhythm was thrown off a bit, and word choices might be even cleaner and sharper if honed a little more. TOTALLY up to you; I only have one specific suggestion to give you as an example of what I mean, but again this is just my opinion and it might mess up your rhythm.
2nd line 1st stanza: consider deleting 'to', comma, and 'them' to read 'Those loving hearts that gaze/you capture and amaze'?
Anyway, it's gorgeous as it is. Great job!
xo
Eira
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Hi Pupa -
This is a lovely, original idea for format, and you have achieved a sweet, yearning, eloquent tone for this poem. Really nice work!
I do think, although I gave 5 stars because it does not need to be changed to be excellent, it could be even better. I felt especially in 2nd stanza that the rhythm was thrown off a bit, and word choices might be even cleaner and sharper if honed a little more. TOTALLY up to you; I only have one specific suggestion to give you as an example of what I mean, but again this is just my opinion and it might mess up your rhythm.
2nd line 1st stanza: consider deleting 'to', comma, and 'them' to read 'Those loving hearts that gaze/you capture and amaze'?
Anyway, it's gorgeous as it is. Great job!
xo
Eira
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Eira, thanks for a lovely review and for the time you took to support and encourage my writing, most appreciated.
I will have a look now at your suggesitons. Thanks again.
Love
Pupa
Comment from bard owl
This is just lovely. The moon has such mysterious powers affecting the earth, seems like it surely has the power over human hearts. And just looking at it seems magical. Your poem has gentle power and sincerity. It flows so smoothly with the underlying rhythm you have provided. And the artwork is perfect. Linda
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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This is just lovely. The moon has such mysterious powers affecting the earth, seems like it surely has the power over human hearts. And just looking at it seems magical. Your poem has gentle power and sincerity. It flows so smoothly with the underlying rhythm you have provided. And the artwork is perfect. Linda
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Linda, I am so glad you liked my poem, it means a lot to me.
Appreciate the detailed and encouraging review.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
Awwww...this is gorgeous. I love it and I am a moon child (Cancer) so I do understand the power and magic of the moon.
Polly just told me Ezzy is back in the hospital again. She stopped breathing.
How horrifying this must be for all of them!
Love,
Pea
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Awwww...this is gorgeous. I love it and I am a moon child (Cancer) so I do understand the power and magic of the moon.
Polly just told me Ezzy is back in the hospital again. She stopped breathing.
How horrifying this must be for all of them!
Love,
Pea
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Oh my God, again? poor Ezzy and poor Polly. I can't believe what is happening to them. I will not ask God "why", guess we will never know, not in this life at least.
Thanks for the great review and for informing me about Polly, much appreciated.
Love
Pupa
Comment from jeana
I enjoyed your poem/prose It is creative and unique to envision that for which you have captured and creatived in these flowing passages. It is emotionally bound lined with love sought in mysticism of the moon's luminations. It is a wonderful read. jeana
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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I enjoyed your poem/prose It is creative and unique to envision that for which you have captured and creatived in these flowing passages. It is emotionally bound lined with love sought in mysticism of the moon's luminations. It is a wonderful read. jeana
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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I am so glad you enjoyed this poem, dear jeana. Thank you for such an outstanding review and encouraging words.
Love
Pupa
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi PUPA,
. You are so imaginative. I would have never of thought of writing a letter to the moon. Your poem gives thought to the part that the moon has played forever in the lives of the romantic at heart.
The rhyme and flow are excellent. Your thoughts are very clear. I saw nothing to change.
Thank you for sharing this well written poem with us God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Hi PUPA,
. You are so imaginative. I would have never of thought of writing a letter to the moon. Your poem gives thought to the part that the moon has played forever in the lives of the romantic at heart.
The rhyme and flow are excellent. Your thoughts are very clear. I saw nothing to change.
Thank you for sharing this well written poem with us God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Becky, you are such a sweetheart! Thank you so much for your very encouraging review and kind comments.
Love and Blessings,
Pupa
Comment from Kingsland
this piece was so very original in its words and format
I loved the thoughts presented in this well written verse
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed this poem... John
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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this piece was so very original in its words and format
I loved the thoughts presented in this well written verse
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed this poem... John
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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John, I'm so glad you liked my poem, it means a lot to me.
Love
Pupa
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John, I'm so glad you liked my poem, it means a lot to me.
Thank you very much for your encouraging review.
Love
Pupa
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John, I'm so glad you liked my poem, it means a lot to me.
Thank you very much for your encouraging review.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Indigo
Oh my dear Pupa.... your poem is so beautiful... heart felt longing... as I read I felt the cool night breeze and the glimmer of the full moon waiting, watching... I guess the moon can see your Mr Right too... for all you know, he is staring at the moon to, wishing for you :).
A big hug xx
Indi xx
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Oh my dear Pupa.... your poem is so beautiful... heart felt longing... as I read I felt the cool night breeze and the glimmer of the full moon waiting, watching... I guess the moon can see your Mr Right too... for all you know, he is staring at the moon to, wishing for you :).
A big hug xx
Indi xx
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Hey Indi, if you continue with this review, it might get ot be a poem! it is almost a whole story. Loved your comments.
Love you
Pupa
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Hie-hie... you're so funny... THANKS!!!
Comment from Phill-Phonics
Very nicely expressed and full of great imagry. I love that it is in the form of a letter. Cast it out on the wind and let the moon read it. Nicely done. -Phill-Phonics
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Very nicely expressed and full of great imagry. I love that it is in the form of a letter. Cast it out on the wind and let the moon read it. Nicely done. -Phill-Phonics
Comment Written 13-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Thanks Phil for your sweet review. You think I can trust the wind? lol.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Vladilynn
I loved the contains of this letter...I loved the moon itself too~ and you've declared what I wanted to tell also about it..
yap!! Mino Yasue's art are the best..i liked all his works~ too!!
thank you for sharing!!
Lynn ( ^ _ 0 )}}}
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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I loved the contains of this letter...I loved the moon itself too~ and you've declared what I wanted to tell also about it..
yap!! Mino Yasue's art are the best..i liked all his works~ too!!
thank you for sharing!!
Lynn ( ^ _ 0 )}}}
Comment Written 12-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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Thanks for a lovely review, I am glad you liked my poem.
And yes I agree with you, Mino is great.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Artasylum
this was lovely...you should send this letter up with the space shuttle i fear that you may not get a timely delivery otherwise...awaiting the moon's response...please share with the rest of us. yours, diana
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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this was lovely...you should send this letter up with the space shuttle i fear that you may not get a timely delivery otherwise...awaiting the moon's response...please share with the rest of us. yours, diana
Comment Written 12-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2008
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As soon as I get an answer, I promise to share it, haha.
Thanks for a your very helpful suggestions in this review...
Love
Pupa
