little sailor dreams
a 5 7 57 total reviews
Comment from cumulus365
So beautiful words. I agree-- the waves are sailors' dream alright, they often get nauseous but then they become adult sailor then they drink booze to forget where they are :) Nicely written. This piece has all the elements of 5/7/5. You describe the ocean well with just few words. Best.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
So beautiful words. I agree-- the waves are sailors' dream alright, they often get nauseous but then they become adult sailor then they drink booze to forget where they are :) Nicely written. This piece has all the elements of 5/7/5. You describe the ocean well with just few words. Best.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the insightful review, cheers, j
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Hello judester, You are welcome.
Comment from foxangie123
This was really a nice read indeed. I love any write about he water. A good job you did here and I am wishing you best at the booths.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
This was really a nice read indeed. I love any write about he water. A good job you did here and I am wishing you best at the booths.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the review, cheers, j
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5 about nature, Little Sailor Dreams, uses the subtlety of the image and what people already know about a life on or near the sea to make a quaint impression. Nice.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
This 5-7-5 about nature, Little Sailor Dreams, uses the subtlety of the image and what people already know about a life on or near the sea to make a quaint impression. Nice.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the review Bill, cheers, j
Comment from Ginger Banks
I have a good feeling about any poem that includes water, this hasn't changed with this one. Soothing yet demonstrates turmoil beneath the weave, the sway, and the forever rolling endless blue waves.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
I have a good feeling about any poem that includes water, this hasn't changed with this one. Soothing yet demonstrates turmoil beneath the weave, the sway, and the forever rolling endless blue waves.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the encouraging review, cheers, j
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You're welcome.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image.
-Good format.
-Connection is good between lines one and two.
-Very good imagery,
rolling and endless blue waves
-Effective internal rhyme.
-Nice satori line.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
-Very nice image.
-Good format.
-Connection is good between lines one and two.
-Very good imagery,
rolling and endless blue waves
-Effective internal rhyme.
-Nice satori line.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the insightful review, cheers, j
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine 5-7-5 poem for the contest
with exact syllables
Excellent imagery of the waves
and their movement
Nice touch of alliteration
I would replace the comma with an em dash (-- on the keyboard)
this will give more separation to the third line
and drop the period since the prompt also says haiku
Excellent art work
Well done
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
This is a fine 5-7-5 poem for the contest
with exact syllables
Excellent imagery of the waves
and their movement
Nice touch of alliteration
I would replace the comma with an em dash (-- on the keyboard)
this will give more separation to the third line
and drop the period since the prompt also says haiku
Excellent art work
Well done
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the insightful review and advice for improvement, I agree, cheers, j
Comment from Laurel Legion
Your haiku here makes an interesting comment on the nature of dreams. Dreams are indeed very much like the ocean in that both ebb and flow at random, often leaving the person at their mercy uncertain of whether the next sailing or dreaming is going to be either flaccid or nightmarish. Most of all, for dreaming and sailing, one has no choice but to ride out the current of each in order to make it through each "sailing," no matter how brief or non-threatening it could turn out to be.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
Your haiku here makes an interesting comment on the nature of dreams. Dreams are indeed very much like the ocean in that both ebb and flow at random, often leaving the person at their mercy uncertain of whether the next sailing or dreaming is going to be either flaccid or nightmarish. Most of all, for dreaming and sailing, one has no choice but to ride out the current of each in order to make it through each "sailing," no matter how brief or non-threatening it could turn out to be.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
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Thanks for your insightful review on this one, cheers, j