flip flops held in hand: 5-7-5 suite
track memories, not sand, into the house87 total reviews
Comment from Eric1
Hi Sis Cat, this is a wonderfully penned Haiku suite, to have the skill to write something this beautiful just based on sand encrusted feet is awesome! It brought back a lot of memories for me as a child.
Your use of description and imagery will sell this to most reviewers my friend.
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Hi Sis Cat, this is a wonderfully penned Haiku suite, to have the skill to write something this beautiful just based on sand encrusted feet is awesome! It brought back a lot of memories for me as a child.
Your use of description and imagery will sell this to most reviewers my friend.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Thank you, Eric1, the sight of those sand-encrusted feet inspired me yesterday when I boarded a bus packed with barefooted children who came from the beach. I held onto the grab bars, looked down at the sandy feet around me, and wrote as the bus drove along a coastal cliff into Puerto Vallarta.
Thank you for your review.
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You are very welcome my friend
Comment from bizzygirl
A charming suite of haiku. My feelings are pleasant, a warm day at the beach ending in tracking sand into the house. It flows smoothly right into the tub. It makes me smile. Anyone who has ever been to the beach knows when you get home there will always be sand, often it is unknown where it comes from, or so it seems. I am not counting down for what may or may not be an issue. The last line I hear 'sand backups 'THE' tub. This line has four syllables instead of the five I want to hear. Since Haiku is 17 syllables or less it is appropriate.
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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A charming suite of haiku. My feelings are pleasant, a warm day at the beach ending in tracking sand into the house. It flows smoothly right into the tub. It makes me smile. Anyone who has ever been to the beach knows when you get home there will always be sand, often it is unknown where it comes from, or so it seems. I am not counting down for what may or may not be an issue. The last line I hear 'sand backups 'THE' tub. This line has four syllables instead of the five I want to hear. Since Haiku is 17 syllables or less it is appropriate.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Thank you, bizzygirl, for your review. Another reviewer pointed out my omission of "the." I posted this poem at two in the morning and I returned to correct it. I am glad my haiku made you smile and brought back memories.
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I can relate to the 2 am thing as I do the same, What looks good at 2am is often in need of editing , for me LOL
Comment from vkmack
This has some lovely imagery: "feet dipped in stardust; sparkle in the sun; encrusted, tanned legs track the oceanfront indoors." I was reminded of summer days and nights at the beach, warm weather, and misty mornings--both as a child and as an adult. The line "smiles and waves grasp memories" is particularly evocative. That magical line from Gatsby popped into my head: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." His current took us back into a past for which we long and reminded us that it is always there, just as your waves and smiles did. It's never a bad thing to be told that your writing reminds one of Fitzgerald, you know. This is a magical piece of summer beachwear, to turn a phrase. I was enchanted.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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This has some lovely imagery: "feet dipped in stardust; sparkle in the sun; encrusted, tanned legs track the oceanfront indoors." I was reminded of summer days and nights at the beach, warm weather, and misty mornings--both as a child and as an adult. The line "smiles and waves grasp memories" is particularly evocative. That magical line from Gatsby popped into my head: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." His current took us back into a past for which we long and reminded us that it is always there, just as your waves and smiles did. It's never a bad thing to be told that your writing reminds one of Fitzgerald, you know. This is a magical piece of summer beachwear, to turn a phrase. I was enchanted.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Yes, vkmack, I am having a wonderful summer and a birthday outside Puerto Vallarta where I saw barefoot children board the bus from the beach. Sand sparkled their feet. I wrote the poem as the bus drove us along a coastal cliff into town. Thanks for your review.
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You are truly welcome, and I hope you continue to enjoy your summer and grace us with more lovely words/works. We're looking forward to it.
Vista Kay
Comment from misscookie
I like the artwork that you choose for your poem
It is a perfect match
I remember walking in the sand it made my feet feel grand. Thank you for sharing this delightful poem.
Cookie
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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I like the artwork that you choose for your poem
It is a perfect match
I remember walking in the sand it made my feet feel grand. Thank you for sharing this delightful poem.
Cookie
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Thank you, Cookie, for your fine review. I am glad my poem brought back memories of how walking in the sand makes your feet feel grand.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an beautiful poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. I remember my time in Mexico. I went to Cancun and then on to visit Chitchen Itza. That was an amazing holiday and this reminds me of it. Thank you.
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reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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This is an beautiful poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. I remember my time in Mexico. I went to Cancun and then on to visit Chitchen Itza. That was an amazing holiday and this reminds me of it. Thank you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Thank you, Tomes, for your fine review. I am still on a holiday and a birthday in Mexico. When I boarded a bus yesterday and saw those stardust encrusted feet, I wrote my poem as the bus drove along a coastal cliff into Puerto Vallarta. I stood and grabbed the bars as I wrote. Whenever I needed another idea, I looked at the sandy feet around me. I am glad my poem brought back memories of your holiday.
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It did indeed. Well done.
Comment from Aussie
Wonderful haiku suite; loved the subject, brought back memories of being a child, told to get rid of the sand before jumping in the car. Great images you have written here. Well done poet.
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Wonderful haiku suite; loved the subject, brought back memories of being a child, told to get rid of the sand before jumping in the car. Great images you have written here. Well done poet.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Thank you, Aussie, for your fine, six star review. I am glad my poem brought back memories.
Comment from Jackarrie
I love it. a great haiku suite. I can just imagine the wonderful sight of the children with sparkling feet. I just love to walk barefoot in the sand.
well written,
Mary
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reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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I love it. a great haiku suite. I can just imagine the wonderful sight of the children with sparkling feet. I just love to walk barefoot in the sand.
well written,
Mary
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Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 03-May-2015
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Mary, I was so floored by the sight of sparkling feet, I wrote while the bus was in motion. I looked down at the encrusted feet surrounding my shod feet and created a haiku suite in six hours. Thanks for the review.
