Comment from trimple

Excellent

Hi Steve.

A sad minute poem that is written perfectly, according to this particular form.

You leave the reader asking questions. I like that..

Kind regards

tracey

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Tracey.

A new technique I have learnt perhaps - not everybody likes it, though...

Steve

reply by trimple on 30-Sep-2014

Well if we were to write what everybody likes, we would be bound to be biased toward the animals :)

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A very sad, poignant poem Steve, he weeps for you has me intrigued, although children are very pragmatic in their weeping, this one isn't! Bot I love it, your poem was also laced with concerned compassion! I love this well written, deeply emotive work which is neatly done! Beautiful entry in this minute poem contest! Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Roy - yes, the last line is designed to raise questions in the mind.

Steve

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

What a strong poem, Steve. It brings to mind William Blake's Songs of Innocence. The rhyme and rhythm are assured and you have made perfect use of this interesting form to produce a poem of great worth.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Tony - a very humbling comparison!

Steve

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I like your color scheme for your poem. The words are very expressional. Together with the image, it makes a good 'read.' No changes. Good job and good luck I the contest.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thank you.

Steve

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

No matter, big or small we all shed tears at times. Tears of sorrow and even tears of joy. If a child is badly hit and sheds tears, sometimes they are told not to cry, then when they grow up and hurt others we wonder why. We need to give our children a shoulder to cry on. This is why OI like this poem so much. I like the flow, the AABB style and the message is so very needed, God bless. Pat

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Pat.

Steve

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

What a great entry for the contest...but, sad. Tears of a child are heartbreaking - and if she is crying for you, I hope it's not because you are leaving her. Haunting bit of poetry. AT=/

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thank you!

Steve

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Patti R.

Excellent

A beautiful minute poem, kiwisteve. Technically perfect as far as I can tell.

A sad message. We all wish we could protect our children from the brutal realities of the world, of the adult world. An impossible task, we simply cannot shelter them forever. Good luck in the contest.

Patti

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, patti.

Steve

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, patti.

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Your poem is in excellent syllable count and structure for the minute poem
the rhyming couplets are strong
best of all, you've used the strict iambic meter that gives this form its distinctive cadence
good alliteration in should not shed/teardrops trace and world of woe
soulful expression of tender emotion
Brooke

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Brooke.

I would tend to agree with your protests about them diluting the conditions for this contest - I can't see them awarding the prize to someone who hasn't used traditional rhyme and iambic meter...

Steve

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Brooke.

I would tend to agree with your protests about them diluting the conditions for this contest - I can't see them awarding the prize to someone who hasn't used traditional rhyme and iambic meter...

Steve

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

Great poem for the minute contest, I should do well with this one. If follows the format and is compelling. Good luck and God Bless!

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thank you.

Steve

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thank you.

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Great job Steve...good twist at the end
You weep for me...children are so precious...I work with about seventy of the little darlings..
Well done
God bless

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Jenny.

Steve

reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Thanks, Jenny.

Steve